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WomackLeaks Website Goes Viral

A former member of Lee Ann Womack’s entourage now living in France is making big news with the launch of a controversial website that claims to reveal the dark secrets known only to those in the country singer’s inner circle. Among the site’s most startling revelations so far:

  • Aliases used when checking into hotels: Tammy Parton, Loretta Wynetta, Jello Shot Barbie.
  • The phrase “knee-high to a grasshopper” originated from an early Womack publicity shot taken in the middle of a field, only the top of her hair visible above the blades of grass.
  • A devotee of traditional country music, Womack has to get skunk drunk to make it through her lone pop hit “I Hope You Dance” on stage every night. Even then, half the time she accidentally switches over to “Til I Can Make It On My Own” part way through out of force of habit.
  • Womack was forced to sign away all future earnings from the crossover success of “I Hope You Dance” to Martina McBride after losing a backroom poker game in 2000. “I’ve been hustled,” she complained afterwards. “I Hope You Dance” royalties have been the only thing keeping McBride financially solvent since 2001.
  • The cover art of the There’s More Where That Came From album was not deliberately vintage; due to some non-prescription drugs she was on at the time, Womack actually believed the year to be 1975.
  • On tour with Reba and George Strait this past year, Womack came to be known as a diva for her insistence that neither of the headliners talk to her or attempt to look her in the eyes. Also written into her contract: jeans hand-pressed and hung at her bus door daily by Strait himself.
  • Womack has convinced a number of male artists – Sons of the Desert, Mark Chesnutt, Joe Diffie, George Strait, Alan Jackson, Willie Nelson – to sing with her by threatening to beat them up.
  • Her fan club, the Lee Ann Womack Country Music Appreciation Society & Social Club, doubles as a medical marijuana collective.

Womack’s team is understandably eager to have the site taken down, but they may face a long legal battle due to the international and free speech issues involved. In the meantime, Womack warns that fans caught commenting on or linking to WomackLeaks stories may be barred from buying albums or attending future shows, or even possibly subjected to her death glare should they be found out in person.

Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

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6 Comments

  1. You’d have to be high to enjoy the Something Worth Leaving Behind Album, so I think it makes sense that the WOmack Country Music Appreciation Society & Social Club doubles as a medical marijuana collective.

    • In defense of that album, ‘You Should’ve Lied’ and ‘Blame It On Me’, written by Matraca Berg and Bruce Robison respectively, are among her best work. Not much else to remember though.

      And that’s as good a fan club incentive as I’ve ever heard.

  2. Hahahaha. The poker game bit reminds me of Waylon and Merle.

  3. Oh, man. That bit about her having to get schnokered to play “I Hope You Dance” was made of all KINDS OF WIN. (I’d have to get sloshed to play it too, and even then I’d probably be breaking out into “Mama Tried” or “Let’s Fall To Pieces Together,” to name a couple of my old favorites.) If this isn’t your best Fake News yet, CMW, it’s pretty damn close.

  4. Just wait until Martina Leaks goes online.

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