He towers ominously over all creation.
Toby Keith will bring one of the world’s tallest men out on the road with him for his upcoming tour. The very tall man, who also sings country music, can reportedly reach the top shelf in most kitchens, retail stores, and warehouses without the aid of a stepstool or crane.
Before becoming a singer, the man worked in construction, where his ability to demolish buildings with a swift kick of his foot held him in good stead. He gave all that up to pursue his dream of sharing his booming, God-like voice with shorter people the world over.
In a message posted to his website, Keith wrote: “I think people will really enjoy hearing this man’s music and seeing how tall he is. I mean, I thought I was tall, but this guy is really tall. They grow them big in Louisiana, hoss! And I mean that in the most heterosexual sense.”
While some have accused Keith of employing the man solely as a sideshow novelty (like the bilingual rapping African-American cowboy who travels the country with Big & Rich), the singer dismisses such charges as nonsense: “I’m bringing this guy out on tour with me because I believe in his music. Also, because we could use some help wiring the lights in the rafters and he has a ten-foot arm span.” Keith added that concertgoers will be able to pay a small fee to have their picture made with the very tall man, in addition to being able to purchase “King Kong Kountry” t-shirts featuring his likeness at the merchandise table.
Some of the very tall man’s recent hits include “More,” “Big Time” and “This Ain’t No Shrinkin’ Thing.”
Concept by Farce the Music
Scientists Discover Drinkin’, Hillbilly Bones
Prime Cuts: August 2011
Prime Cuts: February 2012
Country Haiku #358
J.R. Journey says
So Toby Keith is hot for Trace Adkins? Who knew?
C.M. Wilcox says
Hey, I didn’t say that. Now you’re walking on the fighting side of Toby Keith.
The more I look at that album cover, the more ridiculous it gets.
J.R. Journey says
I’m hoping to get the Peter Cooper treatment.
Chris N. says
There’s a “super-size french fry” joke here somewhere, but I can’t quite find it.
Leeann Ward says
Yeah, my favorite is that Kristofferson essentially admitted the story to be true by saying that his wife remembered the incident. Score, Peter Cooper!
Trailer says
Nice (and fast!) work. That cover is begging for an entry in a future country day.
ML says
Is this a joke???? Trace Adkins is NOWHERE NEAR the tallest man in the world!! Manute Bol, who recently died, was 7’7 or 7’8 and he is not even the tallest man in the world! Not even close!! This is a f’ing bunch of ridiculous hype. It’s just stupid. Trace Adkins is a mere 6’5 or 6’6. That’s cheese! There are 346 D1 NCAA schools and hundreds more D2 NCAA schools — both with basketball teams. There are literally thousands of guys just in NCAA D1 and D2 basketball alone. There are what 30 NBA teams. Let’s not even add NCAA & Pro football. You’re talking thousands and thousands of people taller than 6’6. Of which there are 6 in my family, including ME!
the pistolero says
Is this a joke????
Why, whatever would give you that idea?