Country California

He towers ominously over all creation.

Toby Keith will bring one of the world’s tallest men out on the road with him for his upcoming tour. The very tall man, who also sings country music, can reportedly reach the top shelf in most kitchens, retail stores, and warehouses without the aid of a stepstool or crane.

Before becoming a singer, the man worked in construction, where his ability to demolish buildings with a swift kick of his foot held him in good stead. He gave all that up to pursue his dream of sharing his booming, God-like voice with shorter people the world over.

In a message posted to his website, Keith wrote: “I think people will really enjoy hearing this man’s music and seeing how tall he is. I mean, I thought I was tall, but this guy is really tall. They grow them big in Louisiana, hoss! And I mean that in the most heterosexual sense.”

While some have accused Keith of employing the man solely as a sideshow novelty (like the bilingual rapping African-American cowboy who travels the country with Big & Rich), the singer dismisses such charges as nonsense: “I’m bringing this guy out on tour with me because I believe in his music. Also, because we could use some help wiring the lights in the rafters and he has a ten-foot arm span.” Keith added that concertgoers will be able to pay a small fee to have their picture made with the very tall man, in addition to being able to purchase “King Kong Kountry” t-shirts featuring his likeness at the merchandise table.

Some of the very tall man’s recent hits include “More,” “Big Time” and “This Ain’t No Shrinkin’ Thing.”

Concept by Farce the Music