Trent Tomlinson wants you to know that he just likes the way it looks. Regarding his trademark doo rag, Tomlinson told FNN (Fake News Network): “The doo rag is awesome… it’s my signature. It’s mysterious and makes me look like a cage fighter.” When asked if he’d taken part in any MMA fights, he replied in the negative. “I am not hiding anything, though. There’s no receding hairline, no moles, no butterfly tattoo. I’ve heard all the gossip,” he laughed. “Right now I’m just here to talk about my new album coming out in a couple of months and the summer tour, not my fashion sense.”
Rumors that he is follically challenged have hounded Tomlinson since his first album was released. The music humor blog “Farce the Music” satired the subject, posting a poorly Photoshopped image of Trent with a Donald Trump hairdo. Fan sites have posted grainy YouTube videos of Trent sans the cover as evidence of hair, but even many fan club members remain skeptical.
“That’s just stupid. He’s so hot, I just know he’s got nice hair under that bandana,” giggled fan club president Lucy Bingham. “There’s no way he’s bald. People are so jealous of talent.” When asked if she’d ever seen Trent without the head-covering, Lucy replied in the negative.
In fact, many Nashville locals have reported seeing Tomlinson in the doo rag at the gym and the DMV (where he talked officials into letting him keep it on for his license shot), and even donning a version featuring a crucifix design at church. “I asked him to remove it for the opening prayer,” said Nashville Heights Baptist Church deacon Lewis Farr, “but he politely declined. I bet he’s got a Gorbachev birthmark under there.”
“Nah, it’s my thing man, nobody’d recognize me out of it. That’s all I’m gonna say about the damn thing now,” insisted Trent, annoyed that FNN never got around to asking about his album or tour in our allotted Q&A time.
Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.
Like Jamey Johnson’s beard, Trent’s doo rag will always be the thing about him that generates the most interest and speculation. That’s just the way it is Trent, so deal with it! I have three theories about this “habit” of his:
1.) Trent wants to have a tough guy / biker type bad boy image and if he takes the doo rag off people will just think of him as just another douchebag or wussy.
2.) He has a really weird shaped skull, like maybe the top of his head is pointy (like Beldar Conehead) or square (like the blockheads on Gumby). His doo rag contains a molded foam rubber insert to make his skull look like it has a relatively normal shape.
Or my most likely theory!
3.) Trent loves those clear plexiglass engine covers on exotic sports cars like Ferrari’s and had one or more of his skull plates replaced with custom shaped plexiglass replacements! Instead of looking like a human Ferrari he wound up looking like a martian from “Mars Attacks” instead. If this is the case we can be all be thankful he never takes off the doo rag, ever! (lol)
He’s a cueball.