Following his Oscar-nominated performances in Broken Bridges and Beer for My Horses, country music star and business mogul Toby Keith has announced that he is currently in the process of writing the script for a feature-length adaptation of 2008 hit “She’s a Hottie.”
“People loved the song, but the idea was pretty obviously one that begged to be stretched out to an hour and a half,” said Keith. “The characters in the song are so complex that you really only get the tip of the iceberg in three minutes. People wanted to know more.”
Cowritten with Bobby Pinson, the film will focus on the wild nightlife of a hottie with a smoking little body who favors string bikinis, rocks a cowboy hat and wears buttermilk lipstick (a top item in Waffle House’s little-known cosmetic line). Keith is reportedly pursuing a Waffle House sponsorship for the project, in addition to the inevitable Ford sponsorship. In a preliminary draft of one scene, there are several brand new F-150s parked along the back wall of the run-down bar where the hottie works. Pressed for an explanation of how this makes any sense whatsoever, Keith offered: “Ford is an American institution, hoss.”
In addition to writing and producing the film, as well as recording its entire soundtrack and anonymously posting suspicously complimentary reviews of it on various online retailer sites, Keith will star as the gentleman who valiantly saves the hottie from farm life by hanging her on his arm and bringing her into town. Once in town, her suggestive, countrified manner of shaking and walking makes her a fast favorite with the menfolk. Despite having her pick of any man in town, the hottie ultimately chooses Keith’s character, whose burly physique, ratty faux cowboy hat, carefully maintained permascruff and goat voice prove irresistible.
The hottie role, which has not yet been cast, will be a mostly nonspeaking one, though the woman will at one point yell “Yeehaw” to establish her identity as a redneck chick. Trailer Choir’s Crystal Whatever-Her-Name-Is is reportedly being considered. “If I keep it in the Show Dog Nashville family, I don’t have to pay scale,” said Keith, ever the businessman.
Film great Rodney Carrington is expected to costar.