This Week in Country Music History

2010 – Jaron And The Long Road To Love debuts on the Grand Ole Opry, which does its best to welcome the Jewish performer by renaming itself the Grand Ole Oy Vey for one night only.
2010 – Promoting her cookbook in an interview with Redbook, Trisha Yearwood remarks that she “loves cheese in everything.” This leads to a tense bedroom encounter with Garth later that week.
2009 – RCA releases Martina McBride’s alcohol-themed Shine album.
2007 – A Dancing With The Stars judge tells Billy Ray Cyrus that he dances “like a crazy bear lost in a swamp.” Cyrus records this in his diary as possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said about him.
2007 – As he prepares to release his ‘country’ album Lost Highway, Jon Bon Jovi buys a 7,400 square foot penthouse apartment in SoHo for $26 million. Who says you can’t go home to 10 bedrooms?
2006 – Tim McGraw’s first Greatest Hits goes quintuple platinum. Knowing a good thing when they see one, Curb resolves to release seven more volumes by 2015.
2004 – Josh Gracin, a 2003 contestant on American Idol, makes a return appearance on the program as a guest. “There IS life after Idol!” he promises contestants before falling off the face of the Earth.
2001 – Richie McDonald’s stylist has a seizure while trimming the singer’s eyebrows. Though he hopes it was just a case of bad timing, McDonald nevertheless trims his own eyebrows for the next several years.
2000 – Warner Bros. releases Chad Brock’s single “Yes!” to retail, but prohibits anyone under the age of 21 from purchasing it on the grounds that they couldn’t possibly understand how great it is.
1999 – Ray Price is arrested near his Texas ranch for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. The arresting officer reports his suspicions were first aroused by Price’s appearance of sleepiness.
1993 – Bruce Springsteen surprises a New Jersey audience by ripping off his shirt and launching into Billy Ray Cyrus’ “Achy Breaky Heart.” Ten years later, the same audience is treated to a similar stunt by Gary LeVox, leading to mass hospitalizations for retinal bleeding in the state of New Jersey.
1988 – Emmylou Harris’ Quarter Moon In A Ten Cent Town is certified gold, meaning that it’s only about 1/10th as good as anything Taylor Swift has put out.
1983 – Earl Thomas Conley records from a hair salon for the first time, laying down vocal tracks for “Don’t Make It Easy For Me,” “Holding Her And Loving You” and “Your Love’s On The Line” mid-perm.
1977 – Waylon Jennings earns a gold certification for Dreaming My Dreams, which Jamey Johnson later calls “probably my favorite album other than The Wiggles Movie soundtrack.”
1975 – Ray Stevens files suit against neighbor Webb Pierce to prohibit Pierce from building a parking ramp for tour buses in his driveway. Says Pierce: “That’s the price you have to pay for living across from a star.” Years later, a post-mortem paternity test proves Pierce to have been the father of John Rich.
1971 – Police raid Hee Haw comedian Lulu Roman’s home in Dallas, finding 5.5 pounds of marijuana cleverly concealed inside a hay bale. Commentators agree this explains a lot about the show’s humor.
1970 – Decca releases Conway Twitty’s “Hello Darlin,” complete with scratch-n-sniff pastel fabric sample.
1968 – Tammy Wynette records “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” at the Columbia Recording Studio in Nashville. The spelling song tradition is revived decades later–to rather embarrassing effect–by Bucky Covington.
1965 – Tennessee Ernie Ford records “Hicktown.” Really!
1962 – Rose Maddox begins two days of recording on what will become Rose Maddox Sings Bluegrass, the first bluegrass album recorded by an actual woman rather than just a guy trying to sing like one.
1962 – Kitty Wells records “Will Your Lawyer Talk To God” and a cover of Rebecca Black’s “Friday.”
1958 – Hank Williams Jr. makes his public stage debut at the age of eight at the Nancy Auditorium in Georgia, following a dead-on impression of Hank Sr. by yelling “ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!?”
1956 – Elvis Presley makes his sixth and final appearance on The Dorsey Brothers’ Stage Show, performing “Heartbreak Hotel” and “Good Brown Gravy.”
1955 – Doing his best Joaquin Phoenix impression, Johnny Cash records “Hey, Porter” at Sun Studio.
1937 – Birth Canal Bound and Truckin’: Jerry Reed born in Atlanta, Georgia.
1879 – As a diversion from speeches, 11-year-old John Carson is asked to play “The Little Old Log Cabin In The Lane” at a political rally in Copperhill, Tennessee. As Fiddlin’ John Carson, he becomes a country pioneer, though his early popularity is limited somewhat by his refusal to adopt a Bieber haircut.
1743 – In what is considered the first standing ovation, England’s King George leaps to his feet at the end of the first performance of Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus.” Truly a man ahead of his time, George continues clapping until the musicians encore with a cover of “Sweet Home Alabama.”
1727 – Sir Isaac Newton dies in London. A legendary mathematician, physicist and astronomer who insists his colleagues call him ‘Angel of the Morning,’ he is an ancestor of country singer Juice Newton.

Tip of the hat to RolandNote for compiling the truths on which these lies are based.


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Comments

  1. Trailer says:

    Awesome.

  2. Dan says:

    Kitty’s “Friday” is so superior. The quiver in her voice really draws out the anxiety in the “Gotta make my mind up / Which seat can I take?” line.

  3. bll says:

    The ‘tense encounter with Garth’ line made choke on my water!!!

    But the Gary LeVox tearing off his shirt gave me a truly unwanted mental visual….

  4. Ben says:

    Glad to see this feature back again!

    Yay, only another year and a half until I’m old enough to drink alcohol and listen to Chad Brock. I’ll probably have to do both at the same time.

    Man, I remember when Bruno said that about Billy Ray’s dancing. Unfortunately, he was very right. I still can’t believe Billy Ray stayed on that show as long as he did.

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