The Country Questionnaire, Part V

  

It’s that time again: 25 questions designed to elicit the most amusing array of responses possible. To participate, simply copy and paste the list below into the comment box and fill in your answers. The first comment will be me, then it’s all you folks, so give it your best and be sure to check out what others come up with… either before or after formulating your own responses. That part is entirely up to you.

And away we go…

1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic:
2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name:
3. Gloriana’s shelf life:
4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality:
5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod:
6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom:
7. Wildly overrated artist/band:
8. Next country star to cover Nickelback:
9. Good album with one terrible misstep:
10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney:
11. Hackneyed three-act story song:
12. Your single favorite instrument:
13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say:
14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review:
15. Song about burning something:
16. Words of wisdom for Reba:
17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”:
18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull:
19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls:
20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further:
21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much:
22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project:
23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head:
24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard:
25. Recommend a song:

Comments

  1. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Howie Mandel
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 8
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Two more singles
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Bruce Robison
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Hank Thompson
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: David Allan Coe
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Cross Canadian Ragweed (they’re not bad, I just don’t understand why they command such a militant following)
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: I wouldn’t put it past Trace Adkins.
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Julie Roberts’ Men and Mascara (“Girl Next Door”)
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Raised on the music of Bob Wills.
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: “Fight Like a Girl”
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Steel guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: Palin 2012!
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Stop overthinking and just enjoy it.
    15. Song about burning something: “Evening Shade” by Dolly Parton
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: Western swing album.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: -3
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0.34
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Bucky Covington, Rascal Flatts
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Ray Wylie Hubbard
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: Jealousy… wishes he were the reigning pop-country queen, obviously.
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Howie Mandel
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: Where’d I put that dang stool?
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Police baton
    25. Recommend a song: “This Must Be the Bottom,” Randy Kohrs

  2. Jake says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Sinbad
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 13
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Slightly longer than conventional beer coasters because of the glossy paper
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Chris Knight
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Country music
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Kris Kristofferson
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: cross canadian ragweed
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: i don’t want to think about this long enough to formulate an answer
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: I really liked Gretchen Wilson’s Here for the Party, until she started rapping on that one song….
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Spray on tan
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song:
    12. Your single favorite instrument: tie between the steel guitar and banjo
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: bla bla bla really good person, bla bla bla cares about fans, bla bla bla bla
    15. Song about burning something: burn on down
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: your sitcom was horrible.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”:
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: first he’d have to be able to tell the difference between a bull and a heifer
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls:
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: drag the river
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much:
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Justin Timberlake
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: “aw dang, I shudn’t a got my sum bitchin truck tires this big cuz now I caint hardly get up in er”
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: a copy of Waylon Jennings songwriting for dummies.
    25. Recommend a song Whiskey and Co. – Happy Hour

  3. Lep says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Chuck Wicks
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 3 days old, so right about now
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Already up.
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Merle Haggard
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Hank Williams
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Jamey Johnson, though I’d watch it
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Sugarland, I like Jennifer Nettles’ voice but can’t get into their songs at all.
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Kenny Chesney
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Eric Church – Carolina (“Love Your Love the Most”)
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: There’s a million of ‘em but I can’t think of any.
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Steel guitar, the only correct answer. Mandolin and fiddle are close seconds.
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: I wish I could write something as good as “Cowboy Casanova.”
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: This artist has sold X amount and won X amount of awards, clearly you just don’t get it!
    15. Song about burning something: Lee Ann Womack – Does My Ring Burn Your Finger
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 0
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 4
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Bucky Covington
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Charley Pride
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Mark McGwire
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: Y’know, country music could use another generic list song right about now.
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Justin Moore
    25. Recommend a song: David Serby – Honky Tonk Affair is stuck in my head at the moment.

  4. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Zac Efron
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 6
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: A year
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Leslie Satcher
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Country music
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Jamey Johnson
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Hank Williams III
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Jason Aldean
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Joe Nichols, Old Things New (the awful rap remix, of course)
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Allergic to sand; all those beach pictures are faked
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Temporary Home
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Fiddle
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: Something nice about
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: “I’m not a country fan but I think this is a grate song and if you don’t like it YOU HAVE NO HEART!!!!!”
    15. Song about burning something: From Your Knees – Randy Travis (or Matt King earlier)
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: You don’t need to pretend you’re 25, you have devoted fans who would buy your music even if you decided to record something really good and uncommercial
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 0
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 1/2
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Chuck Wicks
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Walt Wilkins
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: An ex-girlfriend took ‘Before He Cheats’ to heart?
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project:
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: None
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: I wouldn’t want to look too closely
    25. Recommend a song: Dear God – Walt Wilkins

    • Rick says

      You know Hope, if it wasn’t for Hank III’s excellent “Lovesick, Broke & Driftin” album I could kinda see your point but that album made my personal Top 20 country albums of this decade list. Most of his “country” music that followed that album didn’t measure up and his punk/rock stuff is, to borrow Paul’s word below, putrid. Oh well…

  5. Rick says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Justin Beiber
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: The very first second he comprehends it! (Age 2?)
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Is that with or without Taylor Swift’s support? Same as Little Big Town…
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Elizabeth Cook / Ashley Monroe
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Anything by Faron Young, Webb Pierce, Hank Snow, Don Gibson, etc.
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Bubba Bechtol
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, Kenny Chesney…
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Martina McBride!
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Ashley Monroe’s “Satisfied” due to “Pain Pain”
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: He actually had his neck shortened surgically!
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Every song Carrie Underwood has ever recorded…
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Steel guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: That Obama really is a marxist a**hole, isn’t he…
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: I Won! (Hey, it works for Odumbo)
    15. Song about burning something: Lee Ann Womack’s “Ashes By Now”
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: It’s time to try a different hair color and loose the okie accent…
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: Mike Snider would say 10!
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: It takes at least 2 to get bucked off…
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Jessica Simpson
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Amanda Shires
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: He doesn’t! Well not when she’s in a bikini anyway…
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Are we talking about Taylor Swift’s 3rd such project? Hmm..
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: Would a medieval torture rack really make me taller?
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: His Marine Corp dog tags
    25. Recommend a song: I’m Gonna Break Some Promises Tonight! – Dallas Wayne

  6. Paul W Dennis says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Chuck Wicks
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 6 years old
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: about six months
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Dallas Frazier,Harlan Howard
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: anything by Jenks “Tex” Carmen
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Jo Dee Messina
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Kelly Pickler /Rascall Flatts
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: none – no REAL country star would cover Nickelback
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Miranda Lambert’s CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND – “Gunpowder & Lead” is putrid
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: recently asked Roy Clark where he got his hair plugs done
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: too many to name
    12. Your single favorite instrument: lap(non-pedal) steel guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: “only Nixon can go to China”
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: “her voice / songwriting / ass is amazing
    15. Song about burning something: “Something’s Burning” or “Ring of Fire”
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: rediscover the music that turned Red Steagall onto you
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: minus 5
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 2
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Jessica Simpson
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: JJ Cale or Shawn Mullins
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: he doesn’t – he’s fair and objective – she simply needs to record better material
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Oprah
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: a possum
    25. Recommend a song:I’m Your Biggest Fan by Dallas Wayne

  7. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Adam Sandler
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 7-ish
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: 14:59, 14:58, 14:57…
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Chris Knight
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: anything heavy… like Bon Jovi or Poison
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Faith Hill
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Radiohead
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Chad Kroeger when he eventually goes country
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Steve Earle – Transcendental Blues (“The Boy Who Never Cried” is the misstep)
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: only bathes on Wednesdays
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Insert Jason Michael Carroll song here: ________
    12. Your single favorite instrument: geetar, acoustical
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: I got my swag on
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Ahh – at last I find the root of the jealousy toward the LoCash Cowboys.
    15. Song about burning something: Eric Church – Smoke a Little Smoke
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba:
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 1 (really 0, but that wasn’t an option)
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 1.4
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Bucky C.
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: not sure, I think I’ve heard everybody
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: he’s not a hockey fan
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Joaquin Phoenix, if his burgeoning rap career doesn’t work out
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: I need a dip
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: French bread
    25. Recommend a song: Ray Wylie Hubbard – Down Home Country Blues

  8. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Adam Sandler
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: Oh stop it! It’s a moving and selfless tribute to a man who would undoubtedly be a huge fan of his father!
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Expired
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Dean Dillon
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: My kind of music
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Everybody Loves Bocephus
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Dave Matthews, Swift, Antebellum, Aldean, and although I like her, Miranda Lambert.
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Jason Aldean
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: ‘Southern Voice’. I generally liked it, except for the God-awful title track.
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Has never actually been to a beach.
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: ‘Unanswered Prayers’, by ol’ Garth, but damn I miss his music.
    12. Your single favorite instrument: A mournful fiddle
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: I should date more popular singers. That usually works out for me.
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: My momma said if you don’t got nothin nice to say then don’t say it! His music really speaks to me, as I am in real life generic hicktown farmboy #87!
    15. Song about burning something: Kerosene or Gunpowder & Lead (oh wait is that the same thing)
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: Go out with a bang. No more generic country.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: Somebody should lose his/her job over that one.
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: He wouldn’t even try.
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: lol Bucky
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Charlie Robison, Emmylou Harris, Taylor Swift (She’s such an enigma)
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: jelusseee
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Jennifer Love Hewitt , and I would probably buy it
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: Damn! There are people out there who don’t realize how country I am!
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: his granddad and that B&W picture.
    25. Recommend a song: Then Came The Night – Trace Adkins

  9. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Jimmy Wayne
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: Last weekend.
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: “Wild At Heart”
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Darrell Scott
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: country music
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Alan Jackson
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Sugarland
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Rascall Flatts
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: That Lonesome Song “A Place Out On The Ocean”
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney:
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song:
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: I wish Presidents were allowed three terms..what I’d give for G.W. one more time around
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: OMG! TAYLOR SO CAN SING!! YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE CARRIE’S NOT AS GOOD
    15. Song about burning something: “Does My Ring Burn Your Finger”
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: quit believing in re-incarnation
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 13
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Fast Ryde
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Tom Waits
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: OMG! HE JUST DOESN’T KNOW GOOD MUSIC! SHE’S SO MUCH BETTER THAN TAYLOR SWIFT!
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Colin Farrel
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: “Reckon if I hung from my toes I’d really grow more?”
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: 69 Chevrolet
    25. Recommend a song: “The Hook” by Blues Traveler

  10. Steve Harvey says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Leighton Meester.
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 7. He will later have it legally changed to Zoe Bowie.
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Infinite, in the 1.99 bin at my local Chickenfeed.
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Jim Lauderdale.
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Jim Lauderdale.
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Rodney Crowell.
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Lady Gaga.
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Who wouldn’t want to hear George Jones sing ‘I like your pants around your feet’?
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: See If I Care (‘Tough Little Boys’ mars an otherwise impeccable record)
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: His guitar shredding makes Jimi Hendrix seem like Joe Scarborough.
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Last Name by CU.
    12. Your single favorite instrument: An old, worn acoustic guitar.
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: Soprano the roc handle
    Like van exel
    I shake phonies man, you can’t get next to
    A genuine article, I do not sing tho
    I sling though , if anything I bling yo
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: You wouldn’t say that if you knew ___! He’s a really nice guy and owns several cute puppies.
    15. Song about burning something: Kerosene.
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: Reclaim your surname.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: Said by whom? Said by Zooey Deschanel, it’s 20/10.
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: Alive or dead?
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Alison Bouragonabongo
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: John Prine.
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: He is the secret father of Taylor Swift.
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Rod Blagoyavich (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_01wjK8BDY) or Joe Scarborough (http://gawker.com/5332356/aging-msnbc-host-ruins-elvis-costello-and-sex-for-everyone-ever)
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: ‘Breathe In, Breathe Out, Breathe In’
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Lonestar.
    25. Recommend a song: High Timberline by Jim Lauderdale. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmibUr4-rP0

  11. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Jessica Simpson ;)
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 5
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Three more singles and a failed album
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Matraca Berg
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Connie Smith
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Deana Carter
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Carrie Underwood – she simply blows.
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Martina McBride
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Josh Gracin’s eponymous debut (“The Other Little Soldier”)
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Spray-painted orange as a child and liked it.
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: “Fight Like a Girl”
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Steel guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: That Carrie Underwood sure can (co-)write a tune.
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Everything’s not supposed to be deep, just relax and enjoy the melody and vocal.
    15. Song about burning something: “You Burned The Bridge” by Patty Loveless
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: Western swing album.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: -10
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0.11
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Rascal Flatts
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Connie Smith
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: Good taste
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: 50 Cent
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: Why am I not bigger?
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Jamey Johnson
    25. Recommend a song: “War Paint” by Lorrie Morgan

  12. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic:

    Joe Don Rooney

    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name:

    7 or 8, about the time he starts understanding English vocabulary.

    3. Gloriana’s shelf life:

    aren’t they expired by now?

    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality:

    Rodney Crowell

    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod:

    The Carter Family/Jimmie Rodgers

    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom:

    John Rich

    7. Wildly overrated artist/band:

    pass

    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback:

    Joe Nichols

    9. Good album with one terrible misstep:

    Miranda Lambert’s Revolution – I like every track a lot except that ‘Time to Get a Gun’ song. Terrible.

    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney:

    He threw away his old blue chair last Summer.

    11. Hackneyed three-act story song:

    This should be easy, but I am drawing a blank. Carrie Underwood’s new single, ‘Temporary Home’ kinda grates on me though.

    12. Your single favorite instrument:

    piano/keyboards

    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say:

    “Bobbi McGee was really a man. He just wanted the free drinks on ladies night.”

    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review:

    Anything a Superfan says.

    15. Song about burning something:

    ‘Burn One Down’ by Clint Black.

    16. Words of wisdom for Reba:

    “You made your point: you’re still a viable hit-maker. Now how’s about a better album next time?”

    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”:

    2

    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull:

    1

    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls:

    Bucky Covington, though his fans do seem pretty happy just to see his name in print.

    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further:

    Bill Monroe, Ricky Skaggs, Dailey & Vincent – lots of bluegrass I need to get acquainted with.

    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much:

    He loves Taylor Swift, of course.

    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project:

    Hulk Hogan

    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head:

    “Was it worth it to get that #1 hit?”

    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard:

    Obama’s birth certificate … couldn’t resist.

    25. Recommend a song:

    Sugarland – ‘Fall Into Me’

    • Mike K says

      J. R., just curious, but do you not like the song or do you not like Miranda’s version? Do you like Fred Eaglesmith’s other stuff?

      I like that song and I am usually right in line with your musical tastes, is why I ask.

      • says

        I’ve never heard the Eaglesmith version actually. I do like the production better than some of the tracks on Revolution, but I’m not big on the basis of the song. Of course, I was never one to get into anything about how much worse the world is now than in past generations, which is basically what the song is about. It’s not without its charms I guess. Terrible was a harsh word for it. I do like the line ‘I could afford one if I did just a little less drinking.’ I reckon it’s just not my cup of tea.

        I’ll have to check out the original now. Thanks for the suggestion.

  13. Sam G. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Keenan Thompson
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 6
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Two months ago
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Kevin Welch
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Jessica Simpson. She’s not on ANYONE’s iPod.
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: George Strait
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Alabama
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Jack Ingram
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Any album from Lucinda Williams where she attempts her talking blues/rap thing.
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: He’s actually terrified to swim in the ocean
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: “Temporary Home”
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Banjo
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: Badonkadonk
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: “Crying For Me” is a great song because my friend/relative just died.
    15. Song about burning something: “House of Secrets” by Mike Ireland & Holler. Jilted narrator burns down his ex-wife’s house.
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: You’re the grand dame of country music. Don’t pick out songs that sound like they were written for Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 1. Plus a -50 for the grammatical trainwreck.
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Martina McBride
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Dale Watson
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: He’s auditioned for American Idol for 9 years straight and never got a golden ticket.
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Kellie Pickler
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: I hope people realize I’m from the country.
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Randy Houser’s potential.
    25. Recommend a song: Beirut, “Postcards From Italy”

  14. RL says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Two Foot Fred
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: He already does
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Who?
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Dean Dillon
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Anyone named Hank
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: John Conlee
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Cross Canadian Ragweed
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Nickelback
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: haven’t made it through a whole album in a while
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: He’s really a Vandy Fan….
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Temporary Home
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Steel guitar except when Eddie Montgomery plays the mic stand
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: Save a horse, ride a cowboy
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Casey Donahew’s the next big star out of Texas?
    15. Song about burning something: Ashes By Now
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: The choreography works, stick with it.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 3
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 2, then he’d climax
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Jake Owen
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Rodney Hayden
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: She makes him feel weird down there
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Chuck Wicks
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: What Would Jason Aldean Do?
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Mindy Mcready sex tape
    25. Recommend a song: Never Really Loved Her Anyway – Trent Summar

  15. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: (Joe Nichols).
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: (He already does).
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: (Please don’t let it be long).
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: (Miranda Lambert).
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: (Good country music).
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: (Tim McGraw).
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: (Toby Keith).
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: (Jimmy Wayne, haha)!!
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: (Tim McGraw: Let It Go (Suspicions)).
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: (He likes women).
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: (Martina McBride).
    12. Your single favorite instrument: (Steel guitar).
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: (I love the new Taylor Swift song).
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review:
    15. Song about burning something: (Miranda Lambert: Kerosene).
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: (Find Kenny Rogers & take a stand against plastic surgery).
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: (0).
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: (0).
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: (Carrie Underwood).
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: (David Nail).
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: (He should).
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: (Toby Keith).
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: (I’m the luckiest hick alive).
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: (More talent than Justin Moore could ever have).
    25. Recommend a song: (The House That Built Me: Miranda).

  16. Derrick says

    I shouldn’t have read everybody’s because so many good answers are taken. . .

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Ben Affleck
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: soon as he understands it
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: hey, I like them — I give them a second album and then we’ll see
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Julie Miller
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Julie Miller
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Julie Miller
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: I would have said Sugarland, but they’ve really grown on me
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Kellie Pickler
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: “Dangerous Man” by Trace Adkins; Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk is a fun amusing song but absolutely does not need to be two albums in a row
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: he owns every season on Hannah Montana on DVD
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: “Don’t Take the Girl” – I hate it for getting to me everytime
    12. Your single favorite instrument: pedal steel
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: “Party in the USA” would make a good track for my next record. . .
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Yeah? Well YOU SUCK!
    15. Song about burning something: A Fire I Can’t Put Out (okay, bit of a stretch, but I will get smacked if I say Picture to Burn or Bonfire, eh?)
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba:
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: *rolls eyes*
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: would he get on one?
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Gloriana
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Dolly Parton
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: she’s popular?
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Britney Spears
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: What would Kenny Chesney do?
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: the book HOW TO LOOK LIKE BILLY GIBBONS FOR REAL
    25. Recommend a song: “I Still Cry” by Julie Miller

  17. plain_jo says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Jon Heder
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 9
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: forever…….no one is taking it off the shelf
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Bobby Pinson
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Vern Gosdin
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Alan Jackson
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Eli Young Band
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Jason Aldean
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Old Things New – Joe Nichols
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Had an ajoined twin at birth.
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song:
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Steel guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: Taylor Swift is the best thing that has happened to the genre
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: But she is soo beautiful!
    15. Song about burning something: Burn Down The Trailer Park – BRC
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: Try doing somehting for you… not for mass consumption.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: .05
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Bucky Covington
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Reckless Kelly
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: jealous of her great hair
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Matthew McConaughey
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: Stand up straight people will think I am taller
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Chuck Wicks’ Manhood
    25. Recommend a song: Band of Heathens – L.A. County Blues

  18. Ben Milam says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Andy Dick
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 6
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: 1 more album
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Guy Clark
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Guy Clark
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Jamie Johnson
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Cross Canadian Ragweed (Reckless Kelly without any of those confusing metaphors)
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Cross Canadian Ragweed
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: abstain (isn’t this an oxymoron?)
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Renee caught him cheating with another woman
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: 8 second ride
    12. Your single favorite instrument: fiddle
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: sure, i’ll do american idol.
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: but she won american idol!
    15. Song about burning something: the boys from oklahoma
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: the natural look is in
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: -pi
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0.001
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: jake owen
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: zac brown
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: won’t return his calls, fb msgs or emails
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: conan o’brien
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: taller boot heels or higher hat crown?
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: justin moore
    25. Recommend a song: in this depression – ryan bingham

  19. Mike K says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Zac Efron
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 5
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: ‘Bout the same as that gallon of milk I just bought
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Don Schlitz
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Gary Stewart
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Charlie Robison
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Jack Ingram
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Jason Aldean
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep:
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: He’s from Tennessee and not St. Thomas.
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song:
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: I think I’m gonna quit doing my stuff and just sing Justin Moore songs from now on.
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Music doesn’t always have to mean something. Some times you just want a fun song on the radio to listen to…
    15. Song about burning something: Burn One Down – Clint Black
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: You can take some down time if you want, we’re not gonna forget about you.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: It goes to 11…
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull:
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Bucky Covington
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Gene Watson
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: “He’s just like totally jealous because he can’t sing as good as her and stuff…
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Jamie Foxx
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: I wish I was taller
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: City of Atlantis
    25. Recommend a song: “Sunshine” – Todd Snider (going to see him next month)

  20. Ian says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Tom Hanks
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 11
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: 2 more years, hopefully less
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Merle Haggard
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Merle Haggard, Hank Williams (all 3), George Jones, Waylon Jennings
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Trace Atkins
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, Taylor Swift
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Rascal Flatts
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Justin Moore, Backwoods and Back That Thing Up are terrible
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: He’s a real country singer
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Jesus Take the Wheel
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Steel Guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: I voted for George W Bush…twice
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Well the teenage girls love it!
    15. Song about burning something: Kerosine, Miranda Lambert
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: Quit while you’re ahead
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 10
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0.8
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Keith Urban
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Hank Williams III. I have the “Straight to Hell” album and it’s damn good.
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: She’s prettier than he is.
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Chuck Norris
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: Why can’t I be Eric Church?
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: My girlfriend’s phone number…
    25. Recommend a song: My Drinking Problem or Country Heroes, Hank Williams III

  21. KathyP says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: NEAL PATRICK HARRIS
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: YOU MEAN HE DOESN’T ALREADY?
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: WHO?
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: HAL KETCHUM
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: HAGGARD, JONES, KRISTOFFERSON
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: CARRIE UNDERWOOD
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: CARRIE UNDERWOOD
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: CARRIE UNDERWOOD
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep:
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: HE REALLY DOES HAVE HAIR UNDER THAT HAT
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: DON’T TAKE THE GIRL (like fingernails on a chalkboard to me)
    12. Your single favorite instrument: FIDDLE
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: JASON ALDEAN IS THE FUTURE OF COUNRY MUSIC
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: MY RECORD COMPANY INSISTED I RECORD IT
    15. Song about burning something: BURNING LOVE – ELVIS
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: YOU’RE GETTING OLD
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: -10
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: HE’D NEVER GET ON ONE
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: TAYLOR SWIFT
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: ANYONE NAMED WATSON
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: SHE’S AN AMERICAN IDOL
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: KIM KHARDASIAN
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: THESE HEEL LIFTERS ARE KILLING MY FEET
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: COE’S BEARD BEADS
    25. Recommend a song: SEVEN VERN GOSDIN’S AGO – DARREN KOZELSKY

  22. OTWG says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Jim Norton (comedian)

    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: Never. Due to brainwashing by daddy Rich, he will believe that he is Johnny Cash reincarnate. When he is old enough to perform, he will take the stage name Johnny Cash II

    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: The equivelent to the half life of einsteinium.

    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Dean Dillon

    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Slayer

    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Jason Boland

    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: The Beatles

    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Chad Brock (he’s due for a comeback, right?)

    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Reckless Kelly – Bulletproof (Love in Her Eyes)

    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: That he is involved with a woman

    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: pass

    12. Your single favorite instrument: Gibson Thunderbird (bass)

    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: I would really like to colaberate with Gary Levox before I die.

    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: pass

    15. Song about burning something: Fight Fire With Fire – Metallica

    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: none

    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 11. Spitters are better than Spanish Fly.

    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0.017

    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Brittany Murphy (too soon?)

    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Band of Heathens

    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: He may not hate her enough

    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Al Gore with Steve Earle

    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: I am a real country boy

    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: The cure for cancer

    25. Recommend a song: When the Circus Leaves Town – Randy Rogers Band

  23. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Robert Pattinson
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 7
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: 9 months
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Mel Tillis
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Reverend Horton Heat
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Jamey Johnson
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: David Nail
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Big Kenny
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Twang!
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Wears a hat because of spider web tattooed on bald head.
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Christmas Shoes
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Pedal Steel
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: “I’m Sorry”
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: But she has 3 VMA’s!!!
    15. Song about burning something: Ring of Fire
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: Ginger Ninja’s Unite!
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: .3
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: .3
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Jake Owen
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Gary Allen
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: Just jealous of her golden tresses
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Jim Belushi?
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: “I’m Awesome!”
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Ark of the Covenant
    25. Recommend a song: If I Could- Sunny Sweeny

  24. J says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Gary LeVox
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: tomorrow
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: two more singles
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Gretchen Peters
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Mary Chapin Carpenter
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Mary Chapin Carpenter
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Brad Paisley
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Carrie Underwood
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: “Mississippi Girl” on Faith Hill’s “Fireflies”
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: he’s always wanted to record an acoustic album on an indie label featuring introspective material
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: “Already Gone,” Sugarland
    12. Your single favorite instrument: mandolin
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: “I think I’m going to write a laundry-list song about how country I am.”
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: omg u dont know what your talking about, this song is SOOOO GOOD!
    15. Song about burning something: “Something Burning Out” (Pam Tillis)
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: people will buy your music no matter what songs you record. record good ones.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: -1000
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 2
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Justin Moore
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Emmylou Harris
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: he’s afraid that she’s causing country music to change
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Avril Lavigne
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: “it is so cool to be from a small town. I think I’ll tell everybody about how I feel.”
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: old textbooks
    25. Recommend a song: “Bettin’ Money on Love” (Pam Tillis)

  25. Vicki says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Gary Levox
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: 5 when he goes to kindergarten and they make fun of him.
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: When Taylor Swift tour ends.
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Miranda Lambert
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Carrie Underwood (sounded like their one time date didn’t go too well)
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Alan Jackson
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Taylor Swift
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: That country girl from Devore, TN on American Idol last night
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep:
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: He had sex with ??? women
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: “Didn’t you know how much I loved you”-I absolutely hate this song!
    12. Your single favorite instrument: trumpet
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: I love the pop country of today..such deep, honest writing
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: I know you are but what am I?
    15. Song about burning something: Kerosene
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: You get better with age.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 1
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 1
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Kenny Chesney
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Gary Allan
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: He doesn’t, he says she’s an excellent singer but needs a good country song to sing. She keeps failing with her song choices.
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Britney Spears
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: “Look at me now all you jerks who looked down at me and laughed at how short I am”
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Kellee Pickler
    25. Recommend a song: “Temporary Home”

  26. matt says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Gary Busey
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: He is gonna hate his dad, like the rest of nashville
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: faster than the blond dude comes out of the closet
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Chris Knight
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: anything with a testicle
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: see #5
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Tim McGraw
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: what is left of trick pony
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: miranda’s first album … me and charlie
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: he is a pirate and a poet
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song:
    12. Your single favorite instrument: acoustic guitar
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: i think jimmy wayne’s hair looks stunning
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: i personally know this person…etc
    15. Song about burning something: Old Flame
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: can I have an extra copy of your early stuff
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: what a tool
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: he would die
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls:
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Joe Ely
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: cause he knows what she really is
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Kevin Costner’s wife on Dances with Wolves
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: why is no one at the show tonight and where is my booster seat
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: pack of zig zags
    25. Recommend a song: “The River” Chris Knight

  27. Stephen H. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Paul Lynde
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: on January 11, 2010, so one-day-old
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Already expired, recalled, boxed up, and sent back to the manufacturer.
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Bill Anderson
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: anything tagged as “country” except maybe some Johnny Cash (so if people find it, he can say, “See?? See?? I’m in touch with the roots!”)
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Which obvious one should I put? Kenny and Flatts have actually been sputtering on the charts lately, so I’ll put Keith Urban. (I personally think Gary Allan is overrated on the blogosphere, but that’s another time for another day.)
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: I heard Alan Jackson almost put “Someday” on this upcoming album (not really), and Taylor Swift could easily cover “Photograph” since it requires no actual singing and talks about high school quite a bit.
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Comin’ to Your City was suprisingly solid from front-to-back, except for “Jalapeno.” God that song’s bad. And yet that’s one of the few second-album songs they play in concert.
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney:
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song:
    12. Your single favorite instrument:
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say:
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review:
    15. Song about burning something:
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba:
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”:
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull:
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls:
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further:
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much:
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project:
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head:
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard:
    25. Recommend a song:

  28. Stephen H. says

    (Wow, hit the wrong button far too early. Here’s my continuation.)

    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: He was drafted in the 47th round by the Atlanta Braves in 1993.
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: I never much cared for “You’ll Always Be My Baby”, actually.
    12. Your single favorite instrument: MANDOLIN!
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: “She was playing Cinderella/Riding her first bike/Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight”
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Who should I trust more, a singer with ten number ones or an anonymous critic on the internet?
    15. Song about burning something: “Trying to Hide a Fire in the Dark”, Billy Dean
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: It may be far more rewarding in the long run, before you get too old, to try out something, I don’t know, country again?
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 9. He can do amazing things with that cup to her, that’s why he wants her to watch it.
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 0; he wouldn’t dare step foot on one in the first place. It might mess up his perfect teeth.
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Poland.
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: I heard it on Indiana 105, but don’t know the artist, title, or any words. So I’m no help.
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: She rejected him when he asked her out to coffee at some industry gathering. Also, she’s vegetarian.
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Now that he’s getting airplay on country radio, Dave Koz.
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: “smalltownbackwoodscountryruralsmalltownbackwoodscountryrural…”
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: Balloon Boy.
    25. Recommend a song: “Never Mind Me” by Big & Rich.

  29. says

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Edwin Mccain
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: I heard he cries every time he hears it.
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: April 14
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Todd Snider
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: his own music, he knows that his music is a cancer causing agent.
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom:
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Randy Houser
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Billy Joe Shaver
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Waylon and Company, I prefer the first time that Waylon did “Just To Satisfy You”
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: He is really 6 foot 4
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Blake Shelton’s Austin
    12. Your single favorite instrument: dobro
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: :”I am ready for Blade 4,” wait a minute he probably would do another one(although Whister was dead in Blade 3), so how is this on for size, “I thought Johnny Cash was a hack.”
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: Well you know, you’re 1 1/2 stars
    15. Song about burning something: Smoke Smoke Smoke that Cigarette
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: Use dynamics, sparingly.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 0
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull:.0000000000001
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Jason Aldean
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Al Dexter
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: It came down between him and Mike Fisher.
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Thora Birch
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: I Would love to redo “Back That Thing Up” as a duet with Juvenile
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: a whiskey bottle dated January 1, 1952
    25. Recommend a song: Chris Ledoux’s “Copenhagen”(inspired from number 18)

  30. says

    Ya’ll are cracking me up….here are my answers….

    1. Poor choice to play Merle in Haggard biopic: Neil Patrick Harris
    2. Age at which Cash Rich will come to hate his name: Age 3
    3. Gloriana’s shelf life: Wait – they are still around?
    4. Songwriter whose name guarantees quality: Jamey Johnson
    5. Not on Jimmy Wayne’s iPod: Hank Williams
    6. Unlikely to star in own Reba-style sitcom: Lee Ann Rimes
    7. Wildly overrated artist/band: Carrie Underwood
    8. Next country star to cover Nickelback: Jason Aldean
    9. Good album with one terrible misstep: Luke Bryan’s latest had a few misteps and then good ones
    10. Surprising (made-up) fact about Kenny Chesney: Hair Club for Men President
    11. Hackneyed three-act story song: Too many to name
    12. Your single favorite instrument: Mandolin
    13. Something Kris Kristofferson wouldn’t say: Pants on the ground…looking like a fool with yo pants on the ground….
    14. Unconvincing rebuttal to a negative review: “like omg you are WrOnG!”
    15. Song about burning something: Ashes by Now – Lee Ann Womack
    16. Words of wisdom for Reba: I have none…
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, sexiness of line “watch the cup I’m spitting my dip inside”: 10+ (joking)
    18. On a scale of 0 to 2, how many seconds Jake Owen would last on a bull: 2
    19. Probably won’t be returning Country California’s calls: Jessica Simpson
    20. Someone whose music you need to investigate further: Wade Bowen
    21. Why Jim Malec hates Carrie Underwood so much: She is engaged to a hockey guy and Jim doesn’t puck around.
    22. Next celebrity to record vanity country project: Chuck Norris
    23. Thought that commonly goes through Justin Moore’s head: “I’m too sexy for this shirt…”
    24. Foreign object discovered in Jamey Johnson’s beard: William Lee Golden’s book of beard etiquette
    25. Recommend a song: “Can’t Cash My Checks” – Jamey Johnson…sung @ Farmaid

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