Country California

Country music. Seriously.

The Country Questionnaire, Part IV

Has it really been months since we did one of these things? Well, the wait is over: a whole new set of questions awaits your thoughtful, witty responses. To play along, copy and paste the list into the comment form and fill in as many answers as you’d like. I’ll go first, then it’s all you folks. Should be interesting!

Sidenote: There’s sometimes a delay between posting a comment and having it show up. If that happens to you, rest assured that your hard work has not been lost. The comment will show as soon as the page refreshes.

Now, the questionnaire…

1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off:
2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious:
3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers:
4. Big lie told by a country song:
5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough:
6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations:
7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music:
8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait):
9. Favorite song by least favorite artist:
10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean:
11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label:
12. Best song about food:
13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say:
14. Fair price to pay for a CD:
15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry:
16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move:
17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match:
18. The last album you bought:
19. The next album you’ll buy:
20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out:
21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert:
22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you:
23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson:
24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list:
25. Recommend a song:

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29 Comments

  1. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: Brooks & Dunn paid him off.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: “How Do I Just Stop” by Richie McDonald
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Daron Norwood
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Women often say things like “Hey boy, do you mind taking me home tonight? Cuz I ain’t ever seen a country boy with tires on his truck this high!”
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: mortician
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Miranda Lambert
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: “Small Town USA” by Justin Moore
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Dwight Yoakam
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Be more like Bryan Adams.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Patty Loveless
    12. Best song about food: “Texas Cookin’” by Guy Clark
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: “Someone else should take this solo…”
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $10
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Joe Nichols
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: touring with the Village People
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 6
    18. The last album you bought: Big Love by Tracy Byrd (completing my Byrd collection)
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Probably the Kristofferson one out next week.
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Didn’t show enough cleavage.
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Show up drunk, start a mosh pit.
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “You Take Me for Granted” by Merle Haggard (written about him by Leona Williams… ouch)
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: JJ McBeardy
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Scott H. Biram
    25. Recommend a song: “Different Things” by Tracy Byrd

  2. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: He is getting tired of those bald and short jokes.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: can’t think of any sorry
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Hmm I would go with Trace Adkins
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Everybody in every small town are God-fearing, cityfolk hating people
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: taxidermist
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Keith Urban
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Anything by Toby Keith
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait):
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: Some of Taylor Swift’s songs are good
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Stop being unamused at the folks at countrycalifornia.com
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: N/A
    12. Best song about food: N/A
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: “Little Jimmie, I think your music sucks….”
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: maybe 10, 9 dollars
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Taylor Swift
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: They release a death metal, screamo, punk album and they dress all gothic.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 2.5
    18. The last album you bought: Terri Clark’s The Long Way Home
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Big Kenny’s The Quiet TImes of a Rock and Rocll Farmboy
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out:
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Scream, “WHAT THE HELL! YOU PROMISE TO SING A TERRI CLARK TUNE!”
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: Any love song by Toby Keith
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: Jamie Hydeman’s twin brother
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Anybody thats not on a major American record label.
    25. Recommend a song: Anything sung by Terri Clark

  3. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: To get all the cliches out of his system so he doesn’t end up putting more innocent college students at risk.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: Bob That Head
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Miranda Lambert
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Thank God for the Radio. Terrestrial radio, anyway.
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Death-metal band vocalist.
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Mmm, can’t really think of any bad live shows I’ve seen.
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Most of Rascal Flatts’ catalog, for sure.
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Gary Allan
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “Winner At A Losing Game,” Rascal Flatts
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Your defensiveness vis-a-vis your rock influences is unbecoming.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Patty Loveless, definitely.
    12. Best song about food: Gotta go with “Texas Cookin’” here, but maybe I’m biased.
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: “Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but Jamey Johnson had one of the best albums of all time! Of ALL TIME!”
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: What the market will bear.
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Taylor Swift
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: 1980s New Wave covers of certain 1970s soft rock hits, i.e. “I’d Really Love To See You Tonight” and “What A Fool Believes”
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 5.2334
    18. The last album you bought: Megadeth, So Far, So Good…So What?
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Dream Theater, Black Clouds And Silver Linings
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: She was too edgy and innovative.
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Buy another beer and yell, “MAMA TRIED!”
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “Some Fools Never Learn.”
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: The Bearded Badass
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Anything that doesn’t come out of Nashville.
    25. Recommend a song: Testament, “The Evil Has Landed.”

  4. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: He’s working on a clothes line with Hollister.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: Anything by Jimmy Wayne.
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Shooter Jennings
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Stand by Your Man
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Ditching the Dancing w/ the Stars role to only do music.
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Bob Dylan :(
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: By country, you mean the real stuff or current crap?
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Randy Rogers, though he rarely cuts outside.
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: I’m Movin’ On, Rascal Flatts
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Quit trying so hard to be “country” and just be you.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Mark Chesnutt
    12. Best song about food: Chicken Fried. Overplayed and stomped out, but still a great one.
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: I’m sorry, but that’s just to positive a message for me to cut that one”
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $12
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: I don’t know, I’m stuck underground.
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Jennifer bites Kristian’s head off and spits it at the audience.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: I hope they both lose.
    18. The last album you bought: Magnolia Electric Co. Josephine. Awesome.
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Miranda Lambert’s on tuesday.
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Cause she cursed a texas football team.
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Cut cords on the sound equipment.
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: Willie Nelson – Last Thing I Needed First Thing This Morning. I hope I never bring someone that heartbreakingly low.
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: Scabs
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Justin Townes Earl
    25. Recommend a song: Annie and the Beekeepers – Again and Again

  5. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: to explore his feminine side
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: anything about billy currington being a country boy
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Jamey Johnson
    4. Big lie told by a country song: North To Alaska – Johnny Horton
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Country Artist
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Mel McDaniel….YIKES!
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music:
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Patty Loveless
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: I’m Movin’ On – Rascal Flatts
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Don’t worry about the critics, do your thing.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label:
    12. Best song about food: I’m Still a Guy
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: Little Jimmie… you need to lose the rhinestones
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $8
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Taylor Swift
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: declaring themselves rock and going the way of the Dixie Chicks
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 2
    18. The last album you bought: Martina McBride – Emotion
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Jason Eady – When The Money’s All Gone
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: She is too country for Top 40 Radio
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Dance with a hula hoop
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you:
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: J – Jizzle
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list:
    25. Recommend a song: Jason Eady – When The Money’s All Gone

  6. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: Would rather spend time on the beach.

    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: “Just One” by Lisa Shaffer, her voice sounds really childish and it makes me laugh.

    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Daniele Alexander (cause no one know’s her)

    4. Big lie told by a country song: Everybody doesn’t want to go to heaven.

    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Country Singer?

    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Jimmy Wayne, but didn’t honestly expect much.

    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: “Six-Foot Teddy Bear”

    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Patty Loveless

    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “Winner At A Losing Game” by Rascal Flatts (is RF all our least favorite)

    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Don’t Do What Craig Did.

    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Bobbie Cryner

    12. Best song about food: “She’s Got A But Bigger Than The Beatles” by Cledus T. Judd

    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: Anything Political

    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: Depends but 10-15$

    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Elizabeth Cook (hopefully), Billy Currington (probably)

    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Cover songs from artists outside of country….oh wait nevermind.

    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 5, not sure who’s a bigger ass.

    18. The last album you bought: Terri Clark The Long Way Home

    19. The next album you’ll buy: Miranda Lambert Revelution

    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Was too country for Radio.

    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Listen to an iPod

    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “That Thang” by Fast Ryde

    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: The Saviour

    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Anything worth buying.

    25. Recommend a song: “Let’s Talk About Love” by Jessie Farrell

  7. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: Jimmy Buffett demanded his act back.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: Summer Nights
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: David Allan Coe
    4. Big lie told by a country song: “She’s Country”
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Chuck Wicks
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: N/A
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: “Backwords” by Rascal Flatts
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Randy Travis
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “Prayin’ For Daylight” by Rascal Flatts
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Stop making music
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Mark Chesnutt
    12. Best song about food: “Bake Me A Country Ham” by Cledus T. Judd
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: That song is way too silly for me.
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $10
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Taylor Swift
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: A duet with Kanye
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 3.1415926535
    18. The last album you bought: “The Long Way Home” by Terri Clark
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Miranda Lambert’s new one
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: He music was just too damn cerebral
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Shout for them to play “Boondocks” then stomp out angrily when they refuse to do their biggest hit.
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: Mental Revenge
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: Redneck Jesus
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Good taste
    25. Recommend a song: “A Million Ways To Run” by Terri Clark

  8. I’m going to answer without reading the other replies yet so I may repeat somebody:
    1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: To groom a new beard
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: Jason Michael Carroll’s “Where I’m From” – I’m serious, I laughed out loud the first time I heard it.
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Cledus
    4. Big lie told by a country song: “If you want something that’s real – I’m your woman” Kellie Pickler “I’m Your Woman”
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: lifeguard (pool has too much depth)
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Bush
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: “Where I’m From”
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Once upon a time – Tim McGraw. Now, uh nobody.
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “These Days” by Rascal Flatts
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: find a way to bottle whatever that is that makes women find you so attractive – it would sell like hotcakes
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: How old is Travis Tritt?
    12. Best song about food: ??
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: I’m serious, man
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $8.99
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Sugarland
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: add 3rd member – a DJ
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 6
    18. The last album you bought: Pearl Jam – Backspacer
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Wrinkle Neck Mules – Let the Lead Fly
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Jessica Simpson thinks?
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: play Madden 10 on my iPhone
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “Nostradumbass” by Ninja Gun
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: El Beardo
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Magnolia Electric Co. – O! Grace
    25. Recommend a song: Magnolia Electric Co. – O! Grace

  9. I forgot about Miranda’s album. I’ll buy that next.

  10. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: To complete his mutation into a sea turtle.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: Bob That Head
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Tyler Dean.
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Play Something Country
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Observational comic.
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: James Otto.
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Carrie Underwood – “Cowboy Casanova”
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Miranda Lambert.
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “Prayin’ For Daylight” by Rascal Flatts
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Lose weight, the hat and your career.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Rodney Crowell.
    12. Best song about food: Chocolate Cake by Crowded House.
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: You know, that guitar solo’s a little self-indulgent.
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $10
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Joe Nichols. If he has another hit.
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Releasing an album of Patsy Cline covers. With DURAN DURAN!
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: Does he have access to beer bottles or not?
    18. The last album you bought: Pearl Jam – Backspacer
    19. The next album you’ll buy: In soviet Russia, the song writes you! by Guy Clark.
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: He music was just too damn cerebral
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Start a fight between the Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood fans in the audience.
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: Bob That Head.
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: 2nd place, Nashville Rick Rubin Look-A-Like Contest.
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Integrity and thoughtfulness.
    25. Recommend a song: ‘Hesitation Blues’ – Willie and the Wheel. Will rock your house to its foundations!

  11. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: “I’ll show you, you bootleggers, with your camera phones!”
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: Holy (I Bowed On My Knees and Cried Holy)
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Ken Mellons
    4. Big lie told by a country song: she did not, in fact, have more junk than a trailer yard..oh wait..you said country
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Singer
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Steve Earle
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: “Small Town USA”
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Guy Clark
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “White Horse” Taylor Swift
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean:
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Buddy Jew…yea..couldn’t finish that
    12. Best song about food: “Home Grown Tomatoes”
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: “I don’t know Kelly, that song might be a little too novel”
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: 10- 12 bucks.
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Ashley Monroe….hey..we can all dream
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Covering Hank Williams
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 5
    18. The last album you bought: Chris Knight Trailer 2
    19. The next album you’ll buy: No telling
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: The only thing I can seem to talk about on the subject of her is that a coyote stole her dog. Right in front of her.
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Read a book…about Johnny Cash
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: She’s A Hottie
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: Fuzzy Wuzzy
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Band of Heathens
    25. Recommend a song: Spelling Bee Romance–Darrell Scott

  12. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: Femur elongation surgery, so he can finally see what being five feet tall is like without wearing boots

    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: Anything by Rascal Flatts

    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Billy Gillman

    4. Big lie told by a country song: Jason Aldean listens to Johnny Cash

    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Being born

    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Cross Canadian Ragweed, the accoustics in Harlow’s didn’t help a sub par performance

    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Anything by Bucky Covington

    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Stoney Larue

    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “How to suck start my Kimber .45″ – Rascal Flatts

    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: There’s nothing wrong with loud guitars

    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: John Phillips. Perhaps Mackenzie could do a virtual duet with him… What, still too early?

    12. Best song about food: Cheeseburger in Paridise

    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: “I can reach the top shelf without a step stool”

    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: 9.99

    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Blanket Jackson

    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Their first country song, a duet with Merle

    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 11

    18. The last album you bought: Aaron Watson – Live in the Heart of Texas

    19. The next album you’ll buy: Micky and the Motorcars – Live at Billy Bob’s

    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Because of her muffin top

    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: set myself on fire

    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “One Voice” – Billy Gillman

    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: God Jr.

    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Jason Boland & The Stragglers

    25. Recommend a song: “Crazy Eddie’s Last Hurrah” – Reckless Kelly

  13. “How to suck start my Kimber .45″
    Now why would anyone wanna do that to such a fine firearm? ;-) Personally I’m a bigger fan of the Springfield — just as good, less pricey and a lifetime warranty — but I do have a couple of the pistols from Yonkers and really like them.

  14. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: hair plugs
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: “Big Green Tractor” aka “The Euphemism Song”
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: That lady who was stalking Gary Allan
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Old men in bars don’t have words of wisdom to share. Usually, they just bitch about Democrats, young people and minorities
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Chuck Wicks’ girlfriend
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: I’ve seen Dwight Yoakam twice, with one being good and one being completely phoned-in.
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: “Love Your Love The Most”
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Miranda Lambert
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “The Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Do more songs like “The Truth”
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Foster & Lloyd
    12. Best song about food: Cheeseburger in Paradise
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: I’m trading in my guitar for a cello
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $12
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Fast Ryde
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Hire Ellen Degeneres to join the band
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 10
    18. The last album you bought: Ryan Bingham, “Mescalito”
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Either the new Miranda Lambert or Avett Brothers albums
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Country music fans are 99% gay men, and they didn’t appreciate her hotness.
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Guess which member spent the most time in the make-up room.
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “Drink Yourself to Death,” The Hangdogs
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: 1-Hit Wonder
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Justin Townes Earle, “Midnight At The Movies”
    25. Recommend a song: “I And Love And You,” The Avett Brothers

  15. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: because he needs to grow into his big boy pants
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious:
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Jamey Johnson
    4. Big lie told by a country song: all small town people are rednecks (we can be but arent always)
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: singer?
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Keith Urban
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Hicktown
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Willie Nelson
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: You Shouldn’t Kiss Me Like This – Toby Keith
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: we arent all rednecks
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label:
    12. Best song about food: Watermelon Crawl
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: I am not very good with a guitar
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: 9.99
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: please, pretty please let it be Ashley Monroe…
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: admitting they are not a duo?
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: depends on if he is wearing his wedding ring??
    18. The last album you bought: Long Way Home – Terri Clark
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Revolution – Miranda Lambert
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: her boobs werent big enough?
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: show up?
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you:
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: Red
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: just about anything I listen to..
    25. Recommend a song: Merry Go Round – Terri Clark

  16. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: To find a Renee Zellweger clone to marry than divorce.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: “Cattle Call?” (mind was drawing a blank).
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: James Bonamy.
    4. Big lie told by a country song: country life is always cooler than city life.
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Singing pop, I mean country music?
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations:
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Any song with ‘steel guitar’ for kids, songs like “Cowboy Casanova” for adults who like, you know,country music.
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Lee Ann Womack.
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “Ain’t Nothin’ Bout You” Brooks & Dunn
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Rock out with your….socks….out to get more country lady…
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Gene Watson.
    12. Best song about food: Dip Me In Beer (beer is food right? It has hops, barley and all kinds of great grains, it’s healthy for you!)
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: I Love Kanye West, He’s gonna be on my next record.
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $10-$12
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Justin Moore or Joe Nichols
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Working with Soulja Boy because he’s got “soul.”
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 5 (depending on who is less drunk).
    18. The last album you bought: Kings of Leon
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Don’t know.
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Tony Romo dumped her.
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Pretend to think that you’re younger cousin dragged you along as a chaperon.
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “High Cost Of Living”
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: God’s Beard?
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Dale Watson.
    25. Recommend a song: “What I Know Now” – Brandon Rickman.

  17. I forgot #6: Artist who disappointed me live: Keith Anderson (I saw him only because Chris Young opened).

  18. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: To find out if it’s true that no one would miss him if he left
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious:
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Me
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Women think tractors are sexy
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Rocket Science
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Taylor Swift (not that they were high)
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: I Still Like Bologna
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Gary Allan
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: Amazed – Lonestar
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Stick with the “Truth” and don’t lean on your “Tractor”.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Earl Thomas Conley
    12. Best song about food: I didn’t know there were GOOD songs about food!
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: FU
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $7.50
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Julie Roberts
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Country Opera
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 7
    18. The last album you bought: Moving On – Casey Donahew Band
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Revolution – Miranda Lambert
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: She still doesn’t know it didn’t!
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Drink
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: Kiss This – Aaron Tippin
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: JJ Goat T
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Jackson Taylor Band’s “Country Song”
    25. Recommend a song: Cheatin’ – Gin Blossoms

  19. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: Experimental hair-regrowth technology
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: “Ellsworth” by Rascal Flatts: “Grandma burned the biscuits, so we put her in a nursing home.”
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Trace Adkins.
    4. Big lie told by a country song: “I add to the legacy of Johnny Cash by mentioning him.”
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Funeral director
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Brooks & Dunn
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: “Redneck Yacht Club” – Craig Morgan
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Trisha Yearwood
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “Stay Gone” by Jimmy Wayne
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Stop recording.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Garth Brooks
    12. Best song about food: Chicken Fried
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: “So if you woman’s devilish, you can let her run, or you can bring her down and do her like Delia got done Delia’s gone, one more round Delia’s gone.”
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $6.99
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Craig Morgan
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Jennifer dangles Kristian head-first off a balcony
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 10. “Little man” would go psycho.
    18. The last album you bought: Chris Young- The Man I Want To Be
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Southern Voice
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Haterz.
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: try to convince them to let you become their fifth member
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: Long Black Veil
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: McGruff
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Me
    25. Recommend a song: Buddy Jewell and Miranda Lambert cover “Today I Started Loving You Again”

  20. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: Needs 74 more hits to make 200.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: Anything by the Wreckers/Michelle Branch/Jessica Harp
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Blake Shelton
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Lie told by female country songs: There are no good men out there, so I should get revenge and love myself instead. Not that I condone bad behavior-I’d actually always take the high road-or that I’m narcissistic. Lie told by male country songs: I am a great guy who only loves one woman, and I don’t understand why she doesn’t love me back. Overall: Hollywood is overrated; stay a country boy/girl. You’ll be happier, just like me!
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Chucky W.
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Miranda Lambert
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Home Sweet Home cover by Carrie Underwood
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Stoney Larue
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: Want To-Sugarland
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Get off the internet
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Reba (or is Big machine a major now?)
    12. Best song about food: All that mention pie
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: I’m very humbled to be here tonight
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $12-$15
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Kellie Pickler
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Duet with Green Day
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 5. 10 if Jared Ashley is in the stands.
    18. The last album you bought: One foot in the Ether-Band of Heathens
    19. The next album you’ll buy: no telling
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Tony Romo didn’t win the superbowl
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: scream references to Cheyanne’s failed MTV show
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: Crazy Ex Girlfriend
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: the guy with the beard
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Neko Case’s Middle Cyclone
    25. Recommend a song: “Say” Band of Heathens

  21. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off:
    The number of women he’s “been with” keeps declining.

    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious:
    Rascal Flatts, “Everyday”

    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers:
    Doug Supernaw…he’s one crazy dude himself.

    4. Big lie told by a country song:
    “Girls Lie Too”, of course.:)

    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough:
    accountant

    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations:
    N/A

    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music:
    “we’ll put a boot in your ass; it’s the American way”

    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait):
    Dwight is a great pick; I’d also say Patty Loveless.

    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist:
    “What Hurts the Most, Rascal Flatts

    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean:
    Perhaps you should actually listen to Johnny Cash before capitolizing on his name, Buddy.

    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label:
    Travis Tritt

    12. Best song about food:
    “Good Directions”?

    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say:
    f***

    14. Fair price to pay for a CD:
    $10

    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry:
    Jamey Johnson, though I don’t know how young he is

    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move:
    duet with Kanye

    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match:
    4

    18. The last album you bought:
    Nitty Gritty Dirtband, Speed of Life

    19. The next album you’ll buy:
    can’t really say

    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out:
    all the haters out there

    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert:
    turn right around and walk out

    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you:
    “To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before”

    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson:
    brood

    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list:
    Hey, anything by Kathy Mattea come out this year?:) I hear she snubs her nose up at…uh…critically acclaimed music

    25. Recommend a song:
    Clair Lynch, “Walbash Cannonball”

  22. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: He’s on the run from the law.
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: She’s Country
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Dean Sams (Lonestar)
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Girls Lie Too
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Doing a second album.
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: N/A
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Small Town, USA
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Mmmmm …
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: Loud – Big & Rich
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Take the hat off and get off a Country label.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Trisha Yearwood
    12. Best song about food: Every Head Bowed – Randy Travis
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: “I wish I was Keith Urban”.
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: £5
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Jake Owen (joke!)
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Making a Country album.
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 6
    18. The last album you bought: Prove Me Right – Zona Jones
    19. The next album you’ll buy: Where’s my crystal ball …
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Because she’s a whore.
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Leave.
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: Our Song – Taylor Swift
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: Chuck Wicks
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: Tributes – Mike Dekle
    25. Recommend a song: Cowboy Casonova (kidding!) Seriously – “Silver Threads and Golden Needles” – Wanda Jackson

  23. Now, the questionnaire…

    1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: It takes time for the Bosley Hair Replacement system to take root
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: “Bob That Head ”
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: David Allan Coe
    4. Big lie told by a country song: Johnny Cash (terrible song – writer should be shot for using Cash’s name in vain)
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: security guard
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations: Tim McGraw & Faith Hill – went through the motions
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: aqnything by Rascal Flatts
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Gene Watson
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist:Actually many of Taylor Swift’s songs are excellent – she just can’t sing
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: find another career
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Gene Watson
    12. Best song about food: “Fried Chicken and a Country Tune” by Billy Edd Wheeler
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: ‘that’s too silly to record’
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $12.00
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: I hope it’s Amber Digby
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: overdubbing Jennifer Nettles’ vocals onto MRS MILLER’S GREATEST HITS album
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 8
    18. The last album you bought:John Fogarty & The Blue Ridge Rangers RIDES AGAIN
    19. The next album you’ll buy: hard to tell
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: didn’t feature her legs prominantly enough on the CD covers
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: carry a sign that reads ‘Linda Davis does it better’
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “Up Against The Wall Redneck Mother”
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: “Real Deal”
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: any recording of substantial musical merit
    25. Recommend a song: “Seven Vern Gosdins Ago” by Darren Kozelsky

  24. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off: *insert hair joke*
    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious: “In My Daughter’s Eyes”
    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers: Shelby Lynne
    4. Big lie told by a country song: My hometown always pwns yours.
    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough: Green Beret
    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations:
    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music: Carrie Underwood. People with good taste, that is.
    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait): Patty Loveless
    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist: “I Just Can’t Live A Lie” by Carrie Underwood
    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean: Switch genres.
    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label: Patty Loveless
    12. Best song about food: “Chicken Every Sunday” by Dolly Parton
    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say: I’m embracing my feminine side.
    14. Fair price to pay for a CD: $15.00
    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry: Ashton Shepherd
    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move: Duet with Barbra Streisand
    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match: 3
    18. The last album you bought: “The Emancipation of Mimi” by Mariah Carey. Yes, I’m ashamed.
    19. The next album you’ll buy: “Mountain Soul II”
    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out: Boobs too small
    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert: Sleep
    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you: “I Love You” by Martina. It sounds like someone in need of a restraining order.
    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson: The male Lee Ann Womack
    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list: “Mountain Soul II”
    25. Recommend a song: “The Way Things Were Done” by Sara Evans

  25. 1. Why Kenny Chesney is really taking 2010 off:
    To let A-Rod catch up.

    2. Song that’s unintentionally hilarious:
    ‘Ocean Front Property’ – George Strait

    3. Probably doesn’t have to worry about stalkers:
    Gretchen Wilson

    4. Big lie told by a country song:
    that country singers are actually from the country these days

    5. Poor career choice for Julianne Hough:
    anything involving shiny objects

    6. Artist whose live show did not meet your expectations:
    Martina McBride

    7. Song that exemplifies what people don’t like about country music:
    ‘Where I’m From’ – not sure of the singer, but I think he has 3 names

    8. Artist with unerring song sense (not Strait):
    Patty Loveless

    9. Favorite song by least favorite artist:
    ‘I Can’t Do That Anymore’ – Faith Hill

    10. Words of wisdom for Jason Aldean:
    Toby Keith has a clothing line now, so that hat is probably patented.

    11. Older (45+) artist you’d like to see back on a major label:
    none … Most of them are making much better music on indies.

    12. Best song about food:
    ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise’

    13. Something Brad Paisley wouldn’t say:
    ‘These tie-dye shirts aren’t as cool as I originally thought’.

    14. Fair price to pay for a CD:
    $10

    15. Next young-ish artist to join the Opry:
    Miranda Lambert

    16. Sugarland’s next subversive, genre-expanding move:
    Adding a third black, gay, Jewish female member to the band. One who can play the ukulele.

    17. On a scale of 1 to 10, likelihood of John Rich beating Kanye West in a cage match:
    6

    18. The last album you bought:
    Terri Clark – The Long Way Home

    19. The next album you’ll buy:
    Miranda Lambert – Revolution

    20. Why Jessica Simpson thinks her country career didn’t work out:
    I like whoever said ‘Jessica Simpson thinks?’ … good one.

    21. Fun thing to do at a Gloriana concert:
    stay home and get drunk while listening to Hank Jr.

    22. Song you wouldn’t want dedicated to you:
    ‘Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves’ – Cher

    23. Nickname for Jamey Johnson:
    No way in hell I’m pissing that guy off with some clever nickname or remarks about his beard.

    24. Unlikely to make Alison Bonaguro’s year-end ‘best of’ list:
    Whatever tops the list at The 9513.

    25. Recommend a song:
    Terri Clark – ‘A Million Ways To Run’

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  1. John Schneider Returns to Country Music; Two New Dolly Parton Projects Coming Soon | The 9513

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