1. Performing on the Grand Ole Opry
They give you the whole spiel about “this is the circle where all the greats have stood,” then put you on a bill with Kristy Lee Cook and Chuck Wicks.
2. Befriending a hit songwriter
If you get too chummy with him, he might bust a beer bottle across your face.
3. Singing a duet with Willie Nelson
Sure, he’s a legend and all, but he has already sung duets with your plumber, your barber, and that one guy at the bank.
4. Scoring an endorsement deal with a snack food company (e.g. Rold Gold)
You might be indirectly tied to the accidental assassination of a president.
5. Getting the George Jones stamp of approval
For someone so critical of the current state of country radio, Jones seems surprisingly willing to endorse just about anyone who courts his favor.
6. Owning the deluxe fan edition of an album
Doesn’t actually make you a deluxe fan.
7. Winning a CMT singing competition
Can You Duet winners Caitlin & Will won’t release a single until next year, while third-place finishers Joey + Rory already have an album coming out next week.
8. An all-day music festival
Actually just a day of trying to keep a bunch of drunk people from impinging on your personal space in scorching heat as a series of performers do abbreviated sets.
9. Being featured on Country California
Might score you some points with my Grandma, but other than that a pretty dubious distinction.
10. Country Day 4 at Photocrap
Just kidding. This actually is cool, so you should check it out.