Mount Rushmore is getting a major Swift-centric upgrade, revealed representatives for the National Park Service and Big Machine Records in a joint announcement Monday morning.
“Given that the average American can’t exactly tell George Washington and Thomas Jefferson apart anyway, we felt that there wouldn’t be much lost in replacing one of them with something a little more contemporary,” said Park Service spokesperson Jeff Whittaker, confessing that he himself could not say for sure whether it was Washington or Jefferson who had been removed.
“The monument existed in its previous form for 70 years. Everyone who wanted to see that version had the chance. Taylor Swift’s open-mouthed, possibly put-on look of childlike astonishment is one of the iconic images of our time, so this refresh will ensure that the park stays exciting and relevant to new generations of Americans who aren’t so much into the history aspect, necessarily.”
In particular, Whittaker expressed hopes that the reboot might get teens and preteens interested in visiting the landmark in person rather than just viewing images of it on their iPhones. “There’s an indescribable majesty to seeing the sweep of Abraham Lincoln’s hair and the curl of Teddy Roosevelt’s mustache carved into the land itself, a swelling sense of possibility and national pride that overcomes you when you’re actually there to experience this work of man-made wonder in the flesh. And if that’s not enough, we’ll also have some exclusive signed Taylor Swift merchandise available in the gift shop. And people can tweet with the hashtag #MtTaylor for a chance to win a special Today Was a Fairytale South Dakota flyaway.”
The promotion is already creating an uptick in tourism to the area. More than six thousand people turned out for a press conference/photo op on Monday, squealing and waving signs as Swift addressed them from a small stage erected in view of the mountain.
“Ohmigosh, this is amazing! This isn’t anything I ever imagined happening – not so soon, anyway – so it just goes to show you what incredible fans I have,” said the singer, who also fielded questions concerning Conor Kennedy and her cat, Meredith. Meanwhile, workers in harnesses scaled the rock wall behind her, tearing apart what remained of Thomas Jefferson’s face with picks and sledgehammers.
“It’s a proud day for America,” wrote Big Machine honcho Scott Borchetta by email, adding: “I don’t see Carrie Underwood’s people pulling off anything like this.”
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