Taylor Swift Fart Recording Goes Quintuple Platinum

  

As industry commentators wonder how Taylor Swift’s upcoming release Speak Now (out October 25) will fare in comparison to her past albums, the runaway success of one of the album’s iTunes preview tracks seems to indicate that the world’s love affair with Swift is far from over. “Taylor Toots” has been purchased five million times since debuting last Tuesday.

“Those are unbelievable numbers, especially for a three-minute recording of someone passing gas,” said Big Machine Records’ head cheese Scott Borchetta. “Based on the warm reception of ‘Taylor Toots,’ we feel like Speak Now will rip right past both of Taylor’s previous albums in terms of sales. It’s an exciting time to be on Team Taylor.”

The pungent, unpretentious honesty of Swift’s latest recording has further endeared her to female fans in her general age range. “I like that she sounds like a regular girl instead of, like, someone who sings professionally,” said Cassie Denmark, 17. “Real girls are off-key sometimes, and real girls break wind. Taylor is just always so real. She’s totally someone I’d hang out with or invite to my slumber party.”

Some critics have been less kind, criticizing the use of AutoTune technology on the track and suggesting that there’s no way Swift would be able to toot so prettily in a live concert setting. Swift is expected to answer those criticisms during an October 24 appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, where she’ll chat up the chinny host and flatulate in rhythm to some of her favorite songs by Def Leppard and Taylor Dayne.

“Don’t miss that Leno appearance,” advises Borchetta. “It’ll blow you away.”

Concept by Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

Comments

  1. Rick says

    Breaking wind!, er I mean news! Taylor announced recently that she wants to do a duet with Jay-Z but did not say it was to involve her singing with him. Thanks to the success of “Taylor’s Toots” I now know what Taylor plans to contribute to that collaboration! I see a Grammy award in the offing!

    PS – The inspiration for “Taylor’s Toots” goes back to her days as an infant when her favorite radio show was Doctor Demento! Baby Taylor just loved both the farting match song and the dog bark version of Jingle Bells and “Taylor’s Toots” is her way of paying homage to these classics. Taylor regrets puberty did not provide the chest enhancement she desired as two of her other favorite Doctor Demento standards were Loudon Wainwright’s “Rufus Was a Tit Man” and the Holy Modal Rounders’ “Do You Like Boobs A Lot?” which she does not feel comfortable singing in public these days…

  2. ChurchsChicken says

    Ben Foster aside, fart jokes aren’t toilet humor. Farts don’t go in the toilet. But two other things do. And if you don’t know the rule, I’m telling you now: “If Its Yellow, Let It Mellow; If Its Brown, Flush It Down.”

    For a fine country song on the topic of Farting, listen to Confederate Railroad’s classic “The Big One,” which is all about some guy, probably named Eric, who lets out a loud wet fart in Church.

  3. IdolofCarrie says

    That’s soo funny I nearly farted in my pants! Lol! Wait a sec… shit! I did! And it was a wet one too!….

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