Suggestions for Improving Nashville Star 2008

  

It’s no secret that the move to NBC has been rough on Nashville Star. As a viewer of the first 5 seasons on the USA Network, I’m here to help guide the show through this rough patch. Here are my suggestions. Feel free to add your own below. Let’s get this show back on track!

  • Put the lyrics to Snoop Dogg’s “My Medicine” on Billy Ray’s teleprompter. See how long it takes him to notice.
  • Change grand prize from Warner Bros. record deal to voice lessons with Brett Manning.
  • Prohibit Jeffrey Steele from challenging anyone to “step it up.”
  • Gabe Garcia gets to headbutt John Rich every time he mentions Texas for no discernible reason.
  • Add a gong.
  • Plant a slovenly actor in a mullet wig in the audience. Have him scream out “Achy Breaky” requests at inappropriate times.
  • Instead of showing performances, put the album art for Jewel’s new album (IN STORES NOW!) on the screen while contestants provide background music.
  • In a surprise twist, bring back Underwear Boy.
  • Where’s Dr. Phil? I think he likes country.
  • Hire a Hank Williams impersonator to stand at stage right. Every time a contestant comes out to sing a pop song, they sucker-punch Hank on their way to center stage.
  • Back-up dancers are a good start, but where are the sword-swallowers, jugglers, and elephants? Anything to distract us from the singing.
  • Bring in guest judge Randy Jackson to add a much-needed dose of eloquence.
  • Have a “Country Goes Hasselhoff” night.
  • Make Tommy Stanley sing in uniform in front of an American flag banner every week.
  • Anyone attempting to vote for a contestant other than Tommy Stanley gets their call redirected to the Department of Homeland Security.
  • Someone do “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Best. Idea. Ever.
  • Put Ray Price in the audience and cut to a shot of his dismayed facial expression during every performance.
  • Anyone who mimes out the number for their voting line is automatically eliminated.
  • Go to commercial and don’t come back.
  • Ditch cast and start over from auditions. Find real singers and let them sing real country.

Comments

  1. Chris N. says

    How about getting the real Hank Jr. to stand at the side of the stage and sucker-punch the contestants?

  2. Dan M. says

    I agree with these suggestions wholeheartedly. Hard to pick a favorite, really. Great site, John. I’m adding it my blogroll.

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