Song About Country Pride to Be Released
Next Monday, country music fans will witness the historic release of a game-changing new single. The song, performed by an up-and-coming B-list male singer with a fondness for wearing white t-shirts, is rumored to employ the rarely used “listing” technique to promote the little-known personal preferences of non city-dwellers.
A bevy of Nashville’s most successful songwriters brought their staggering creative genius together to create this masterpiece during a recent writing session.
“We just looked at each other and knew we had done something special,” smiled a clearly satisfied Craig Wiseman, one of the song’s cowriters. “You remember how Nirvana changed rock in the ’90s? Well, this song is going to redirect the course of country music history… it’s that innovative. I mean, hell, it’s got collard greens in it!”
“Did you know that country people sometimes have what’s called a ‘farmer’s tan?’” laughed pioneering cowriter Bob DiPiero. “We’re breaking new ground here!”
Other novel revelations in the tune include the love of “good ol’ boys” for “gals in cut off jeans,” the shocking contrast of Saturday night’s sinfulness to Sunday morning’s repentance, the prevalence of southerners’ charming loyalty to “mama” and their addictions to fried foods and low-cost alcoholic beverages. Further bullet-point lyrics introduce America, for the very first time, to “Skoal rings,” “Hank Jr.,” “gravel” and “hard work.”
The new direction and new concepts will surely take some time for country music fans to digest, but this writer expects the song to be huge, possibly even finally giving the rural population something to be prideful about. The ways of their quaint but culturally significant world, heretofore utterly unexplored, will soon be public knowledge to the unwitting listening public, and country music will never be the same again.
As non-urban people apparently profess frequently: “Yeehaw!”
Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music
Finally, something new and different on the airwaves!
Finally a well needed change of pace from all those drinkin’, cheatin’, prison, and divorce songs that have been dominating the mainstream Top 40 airwaves lately…
There’s talk that this single has a heavy 80′s rock influence and may even have a guitar solo! I cannot wait!
Collard greens?!?! Man, I can’t wait to hear this one! To whoever this said b list artist is, I offer this advice…..
If you really are trying to make an impact on the country scene, please, by no means should you ever wear a cowboy hat. The accepted form of headwear in country are the following – A ball cap, of which all or most must be navy blue, a beat up and rolled up straw “cowboy hat”, or a beanie. Unless you’re name is Kid Rock or Miley Cyrus. In that case, the trucker cap and fedora are also acceptable.