Shania Twain Puts a Hit Out on Danielle Peck
Shania Twain met with a hefty, trenchcoat-clad man in a back alley late last night to make arrangements concerning up-and-coming country music star Danielle Peck. Twain wore a disguise for the meeting, her long hair tucked up into a beanie and familiar visage obscured by a set of black-rimmed glasses with a false nose and thick caterpillar moustache attached. Even so, some passersby report that the precautionary measure was all for naught, as the full-body leopard print outfit totally gave her away anyway.
Peck, who has been earning comparisons to Twain with a hooky, estrogen-fueled pop-country sound since her first chart appearance in 2005, was unavailable for comment. To the best of our knowledge, she is not yet aware that sometime before the end of the week, a henchman will sneak up behind her with a blanket, toss it over her head, and drag her off to the underground dungeon of Twain’s secret Nashville lair, where she will be held captive until Twain has successfully reestablished her industry foothold.
This is just the first of many items on the comeback to-do list of Ms. Twain, who is looking to reassert her artistic and commercial relevance following a split from longtime husband and producer Mutt Lange. Early tomorrow morning, Twain is expected to do a drive-by egging of the Nashville area home of Kenny Chesney, who has taken home the CMA Entertainer of the Year award four times since her sole win in 1999.
Next week, Twain will anonymously post disparaging remarks about Jessica Simpson on the internet.
Prefer email? Nothing wrong with that!
Aha! So this explains why Danielle’s latest “Can’t Behave” album was released as a download only with very little promotion and few if any reviews in the media! I just knew there had to be sinister forces behind the scenes that were suppressing this album. (And here I thought it was just Top 40 country radio ignoring Danielle’s singles that did in her career…)
PS – I heard Shania printed out the cover art from “Can’t Behave” and blacked out one of Danille’s front teeth and penciled in a moustache. So mature….
Isn’t the last point on the to-do list redundant?
Probably. You mean any remark about Jessica Simpson is bound to be disparaging?
Kind of – but specifically to the fact that she seems to be getting lots of negative comments anyway. It’s enough to make me feel sorry for her (g).
If you feel sorry for Jessica Simpson, the terrorists win.
You’re right that the last step is technically unnecessary, but what can I say? Shania’s ruthless.
I didn’t know Shania had any form of home in Nashville! I thought she took over the government of Switzerland or something…
She did, Chris D. I heard she keeps the King Switzerland in a cage in her media room.
And I had a feeling Shania was the one posting all those unkind things about Jessica Simpson. For all we know, she is probably writing reviews for The 9513 under an assumed name …