Scrooge McDuck’s Hat Stolen; Kristian Bush Suspected

It’s more legal drama for pop-country duo Sugarland as instrumentalist/background singer Kristian Bush has been seen about Nashville in a hat allegedly stolen from the home of Duckburg bajillionaire Scrooge McDuck.

Mr. McDuck says the hat was taken from his bedside on the night of June 6th. He first noticed its absence while heading down to his Money Bin for a morning swim on June 7th. Although no intruders were seen, Scrooge’s grand-nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie – staying in a room on the premises – reported hearing someone chanting “hey yeah yeah yeah hey yeah yeah yeah” in the still of the night. Shortly after the hat went missing, Bush began appearing in an identical-looking piece of headwear for all of Sugarland’s publicity shots, a smug half-smile upon his face.

“I couldn’t believe it when I saw that goober in my hat,” said McDuck, stomping his feet and shaking his head angrily. The richest member of The Billionaires Club of Duckburg, Scrooge is offering a mere $10 prize to anyone who can help him prove that the hat worn by Kristian Bush is indeed his own. “You don’t amass this much wealth by throwing it around freely,” Scrooge offered winkingly. He’ll consider upping the prize if there are no takers.

Although she’s not suspected in the robbery, Sugarland singer Jennifer Nettles is being considered a possible accomplice for helping concoct a ‘steampunk’ theme for the duo’s upcoming album and tour, which is allegedly just an elaborate excuse for Bush to wear the stolen headwear without arousing suspicion.

Kristian Bush was unavailable for comment, as he’s under a standing gag order in the promotional lead-up to the October 19 release of The Incredible Machine.

Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.


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Comments

  1. Michael A. says:

    How do you do it? I come here almost every day and am pretty much guaranteed a good laugh! Keep it up!

  2. Rick says:

    I knew old what’s his name was likely capable of dastardly deeds, but this is going too far! The only thing more disappointing would be to discover Jennifer Nettles is a real life Cruella Deville who put what’s his face up to this! I hear Scrooge’s namesake band The Duhks out of Canada are planning a swap at a future festival where both bands are performing. It seems Scrooge’s top hat will be surreptitiously replaced with a similar looking former magicians hat that contains some well fed doves and that pressure sensitive crazy glue will be applied to the hat band! This will show old whose-its not to mess with rich, greedy, cranky old ducks!

  3. J.R. Journey says:

    This is excellence.

  4. Dan says:

    Yeeeeeeessss.

  5. Ben Foster says:

    “I just saw the stupidest hat. Then I knocked it off Kristian Bush’s head.” – classic @DrunkenMartina

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