Scientists Baffled by Peculiar Bird Behavior

Here’s a Fake News submission from reader Ten Pound Hammer. Thanks, TPH! First person to explain the reference without resorting to a search engine will win… the satisfaction of being smarter than me. Yeah, not much of a prize.

Scientists are puzzled by a baffling phenomenon which has affected a large number of birds in the Tennessee area.

“It was incredibly strange,” said scientist Jack Blanchard of the Wayside Research Center. “These birds seemed to be in perfect health, but plucked clean. All they had on was their underwear.” Blanchard also said that the birds seemed to be “lacking in common sense,” as they were walking southbound upon their discovery in April.

“The trees had all disappeared from the area, leaving these birds to sit on the ground. Perhaps several of them suffered concussions from the sudden fall, making them dazed enough to begin migrating out-of-season.” Later research showed that the birds had also lost their ability to call, but were still able to make a whispering sound.

His assistant, Misty Morgan, said that the birds also seemed to be dirty. Morgan linked this to a recent police report stating that more than 500 birdbaths had been stolen, mostly around Nashville. Upon hearing this, she asked, “How about a birdbath or two, so the birds will all be clean?”

Blanchard and Morgan are still researching these birds, in hopes of discovering further clues as to their sudden mutation.