Satan, the enemy of all that is good and right in the world, surprisingly came across as a pretty decent guy in a recent interview with Jim Malec, the managing editor of the popular country music website The 9513.
The interview began dramatically with each being slowly reciting the other’s name, like two giants finally facing off. Just as opening pleasantries had been exchanged and the tone seemed destined to turn confrontational, however, Malec confounded all expectations by taking more of a thoughtful ‘what makes you tick’ approach to the interview.
“You know, people see me as the bad guy, and that’s fine,” remarked Satan. “I’ve done some things that maybe in hindsight I shouldn’t have done. But when you get a reputation as being the bad guy, people start trying to blame you for all sorts of stuff. As if I’m responsible for everything that goes wrong, every teenage kid who starts listening to Marilyn Manson and taking his aggression out on the world. Whatever happened to good parenting, you know? I think we need to get back to those core values. They’re what makes America great.”
Later in the interview, Satan offered an amusing anecdote about his grandfather, prompting an obviously disarmed Malec to comment that he too had a grandfather. The two parted on apparently friendly terms.
“Well, that was interesting. He really seems to have cleaned up his act,” Malec reflected afterward as he went about diligently clearing his email inbox of new messages. Meanwhile, Satan was spotted chucking beer bottles at passers-by for sport at a downtown cafe.
Malec is no stranger to interviews of this sort, having previously published shockingly endearing conversations with the ghost of German dictator Adolf Hitler, countless homicidal maniacs, and television pitchman Billy Mays. His next interview will reportedly be with a certain much-reviled country music magnate/mob boss.
Concept by Farce the Music