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Reports of Waylon Jennings Sightings on the Rise

Numerous sightings of music legend Waylon Jennings, who passed away in 2002, have been reported in the Nashville area of late, with most eyewitnesses agreeing that he is very much alive and quite pissed off. According to police reports, the allegedly non-dead Jennings has taken part in a number of questionable and/or criminal activities.

On Thursday, the Grand Ole Opry called police out to investigate an incident of vandalism. The words “Hank ain’t here so kiss my ass” and Waylon’s trademark Flying W logo were spray-painted in red on the doors to the hallowed establishment.

“Oh, it was him!” said “Blame It on Waylon” singer Josh Thompson, as Baptist Hospital nurses cleaned his head wounds after a separate incident. “I was coming out of Waffle House with my guitarist. He went back to take a leak and I waited for him on the sidewalk. This dude in a a black jacket jumped out from behind a parking meter and just started wailing on me. I couldn’t get a lick in and didn’t get a good look at him until he was standing over me, cowboy hat in his hand. It was definitely ol’ Waylon, cussing me like a sailor. He said ‘keep my name out ya mouth, son’ before he ran off into the night.”

A shaken Shooter Jennings also reported a first hand run-in with the mysterious figure. “It was daddy, no f*ckin’ doubt, man. I was taking a smoke break after a show with Hierophant and all of the sudden I felt a white hot pain on my cheek and realized this dude had bitch slapped me. I bowed up to jack this dude, then I ’bout shit. It was him and he looked pissed off. He sat me down on some crates and said my fiancee’s pretty hot and all, but that I need to get some vocal lessons and that my new album is silly and pretentious. I just said ‘yeah, daddy, I’ll do better.’ He hugged me and took off like a shot,” said Jennings, tears gleaming in his bloodshot eyes.

In the wake of the sightings, t-shirts bearing the likeness of Jennings have been selling like hotcakes along Music Row and online. The most popular version is a simple black shirt with “Waylon Lives” in large white type.

On Friday, singer Jimmy Wayne took a break from his grueling cross-country walk/ride to tweet about the popular shirts, asking “Who is Waylon?”

Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

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8 Comments

  1. you should be ashamed of yourself for disgracing the one true country icon. Waylon Lives only thru his music. This article is an outrage and if anyone should be getting wailed on and bitch slapped it should be whoever gave Trailer Parkman a job and the joke of an editor that let this pass through.

  2. ^^^Hard to tell if you’re serious or not.

    Good one! Happy Easter all!

  3. Wow. What a horrible article. Glad nobody actually sees this sh*t. Btw, shooter’s new album is awesome. And this is obviously written by yet another person with a chip on their shoulder towards Shooter. F*ck you guys.

  4. @Chaz Cgae and Steve in the words of sgt hulka: “lighten up francis”.

  5. Trailer has a higher opinion of Shooter than I do, so I think he’s actually cutting him a bit too much slack! (lol) Shooter could do some of those Caveman TV commercials and he wouldn’t even need any makeup!

    Oh how I wish this were true and that this physical manifestation of the ghost of Waylon would pay Pete Fisher a visit at the Opry! Or better yet Waylon’s ghost could visit the head honchos of the major Nashville labels late at night when they are working late to knock a little sense back into them! Umm, did anyone report seeing this Waylon apparition with an unruly Fu-manchu style beard on his face? Just wonderin’…

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