Numerous sightings of music legend Waylon Jennings, who passed away in 2002, have been reported in the Nashville area of late, with most eyewitnesses agreeing that he is very much alive and quite pissed off. According to police reports, the allegedly non-dead Jennings has taken part in a number of questionable and/or criminal activities.
On Thursday, the Grand Ole Opry called police out to investigate an incident of vandalism. The words “Hank ain’t here so kiss my ass” and Waylon’s trademark Flying W logo were spray-painted in red on the doors to the hallowed establishment.
“Oh, it was him!” said “Blame It on Waylon” singer Josh Thompson, as Baptist Hospital nurses cleaned his head wounds after a separate incident. “I was coming out of Waffle House with my guitarist. He went back to take a leak and I waited for him on the sidewalk. This dude in a a black jacket jumped out from behind a parking meter and just started wailing on me. I couldn’t get a lick in and didn’t get a good look at him until he was standing over me, cowboy hat in his hand. It was definitely ol’ Waylon, cussing me like a sailor. He said ‘keep my name out ya mouth, son’ before he ran off into the night.”
A shaken Shooter Jennings also reported a first hand run-in with the mysterious figure. “It was daddy, no f*ckin’ doubt, man. I was taking a smoke break after a show with Hierophant and all of the sudden I felt a white hot pain on my cheek and realized this dude had bitch slapped me. I bowed up to jack this dude, then I ’bout shit. It was him and he looked pissed off. He sat me down on some crates and said my fiancee’s pretty hot and all, but that I need to get some vocal lessons and that my new album is silly and pretentious. I just said ‘yeah, daddy, I’ll do better.’ He hugged me and took off like a shot,” said Jennings, tears gleaming in his bloodshot eyes.
In the wake of the sightings, t-shirts bearing the likeness of Jennings have been selling like hotcakes along Music Row and online. The most popular version is a simple black shirt with “Waylon Lives” in large white type.
On Friday, singer Jimmy Wayne took a break from his grueling cross-country walk/ride to tweet about the popular shirts, asking “Who is Waylon?”