The refusal of recent hire Fred Jones to go by Big Freddy, Little Freddy, Uncle Freddy, or Freddy Krueger has thoroughly confused and offended much of the local talent on the Detroit radio scene.
“This just isn’t the way things are done,” remarked Detroit morning personality Shane ‘Mac N Cheese’ Mackenzie. “My cohost Darren ‘Big D’ Bamford and I talked about this on the air the other day, and all of our callers agreed that you’ve really gotta have the nickname to make it a fun show. Who would want to listen to Shane Walter Mackenzie and Darren Joseph Bamford? Choosing a sophomoric nickname is a great way of relating to your listeners. It’s sort of like the pat on the butt among athletes.”
“We give some of our frequent callers nicknames too,” confided Mackenzie. “There’s Smalls, Hambone, Daisy Duke, Big Joe, Slick Rick, Long John, Double Bubble, Sparky, Dollface, Breaker Breaker 1-9, Bro Montana, Brobi Wan Kenobi… it’s a lot of fun.”
Fred Jones, who got his start on public radio in Indiana, seems unimpressed.
“This is stupid. Why do I need a nickname now? I’ve never used one before. Aren’t people supposed to be over that whole thing by the time they get out of junior high or high school?” After pausing a moment to quietly shake his head in disbelief, he added: “I’m a 43-year-old radio professional with three kids and a realtor for a wife. What do I need with a nickname? What is this, Fast Times at Ridgemont High? The Goonies? It’s just so stupid.”
Jones has been pulled off of active duty while the dispute is being resolved. Local legend Jeff ‘Juicyfruit’ Gomez will fill the 1-4pm weekday afternoon slot in the interim.
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