Peanut Butter, Jelly Go Separate Ways

  

PBJOne of the sandwich world’s longest-standing partnerships will reportedly come to an end next year, as popular condiments peanut butter and jelly have mutually agreed to part ways after the busy 2010 picnic season.

Jelly, whose smooth, sweet style has long served as the perfect counterbalance to the nutty, unpredictable antics of peanut butter, had reportedly considered calling it quits several times before, but always ended up sticking it out. By some reports, the two condiments had long been traveling to their sandwiches on separate pieces of bread, meeting in the middle just long enough to appease diners before going their own ways in the digestive tract.

Ironically, the undoing of the pair turned out to be the flowering of the very school lunch item industry they helped to build, as new portable snack options flooded the market and many came to view PB&J as passe in spite of the duo’s best efforts at remaining relevant.

While jelly plans to pursue a solo career as a toast spread, peanut butter will recommit itself to its on-again-off-again association with Nutter Butters – which, as peanut butter is quick to point out, are really just tiny sandwiches made of cookies, usually consumed in mass quantities while watching late night infomercials.

News of the split has overtaken sandwich enthusiast websites, where some conspiracy theorists are suggesting that country singer Alan Jackson’s new song expounding the virtues of ‘bologna on white bread’ had something to do with the timing of the announcement. “Shucks,” said Jackson when contacted for comment.

I’m young enough that Brooks & Dunn have been around for most of my life. Thanks for the music you’ve made together, fellas, and here’s to the music ahead. You’re an inspiration to arranged marriages everywhere.

Comments

  1. says

    Before anyone mentions it, I’m aware that some people don’t consider peanut butter and jelly to be condiments. I think those people have been unduly influenced by anti-PB&J propaganda.

  2. says

    That’s funny stuff.

    I have to say though that Mr. Peanut Butter and Mr. Jelly have failed to impress me for a while now because of their lack of enthusiasm about being a real country sandwich.

    Great fun post. Thanks for making me smile this afternoon.

    Sam

  3. Rick says

    Its more than just the moldy whole wheat bread that’s gone stale in this partnership. I’ve also heard rumors that Jelly is hankering after a frisky new partnership with Nutella, which will guarantee them a continuing spot on the shelf at Walmart! (lol)

    Great work C.M., this is by far the most interesting article I’ve read about the B&D dissolution…

  4. Chuckles says

    I think Peanut Butter and Jelly should try adding a third party to their partnership. I myself have found that combining Mustard with Peanut Butter and Jelly adds a whole new tangy element to their already delicious combination, and I’m surprised that this hasn’t already been discovered by the culinary world. If you havn’t already, try it, you’ll like it!

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>