One of the sandwich world’s longest-standing partnerships will reportedly come to an end next year, as popular condiments peanut butter and jelly have mutually agreed to part ways after the busy 2010 picnic season.
Jelly, whose smooth, sweet style has long served as the perfect counterbalance to the nutty, unpredictable antics of peanut butter, had reportedly considered calling it quits several times before, but always ended up sticking it out. By some reports, the two condiments had long been traveling to their sandwiches on separate pieces of bread, meeting in the middle just long enough to appease diners before going their own ways in the digestive tract.
Ironically, the undoing of the pair turned out to be the flowering of the very school lunch item industry they helped to build, as new portable snack options flooded the market and many came to view PB&J as passe in spite of the duo’s best efforts at remaining relevant.
While jelly plans to pursue a solo career as a toast spread, peanut butter will recommit itself to its on-again-off-again association with Nutter Butters – which, as peanut butter is quick to point out, are really just tiny sandwiches made of cookies, usually consumed in mass quantities while watching late night infomercials.
News of the split has overtaken sandwich enthusiast websites, where some conspiracy theorists are suggesting that country singer Alan Jackson’s new song expounding the virtues of ‘bologna on white bread’ had something to do with the timing of the announcement. “Shucks,” said Jackson when contacted for comment.
I’m young enough that Brooks & Dunn have been around for most of my life. Thanks for the music you’ve made together, fellas, and here’s to the music ahead. You’re an inspiration to arranged marriages everywhere.