At a MuzikMafia Headquarters press conference Friday, Nashville music collective MuzikMafia announced moves to scale back operations in the short term due to the ongoing economic recession.
Wiping a tear from his eye and clearing his throat, Mafia CPO (Chief Pimp of Operations) John Rich listed the names. “Cowboy Troy, Two Foot Fred and that chick who paints while people sing have been released from the MuzikMafia with a generous severance package. It’s nothing personal, and we wish them the best in their future endeavors.”
Rich did not take questions from the gathered media (2 bloggers, 12 lawyers and a videographer from the community access channel), but a written statement confirmed that “the nation’s financial climate, reduced record sales and a general lack of space in the tour van” led to the cuts. Rich left open the possibility that he might rehire the trio when and if circumstances allow the “freak parade” to resume normal operations.
The MuzikMafia has encountered many setbacks in recent months, with founding member Gretchen Wilson losing her Sony Nashville record deal, John Rich’s ongoing legal woes and the dismissal of rapper Chance.
Although unwelcome, the cuts weren’t all bad for the fired employees. Two Foot Fred wasted no time securing a new job, signing with the WWE to feud with fellow little person Hornswaggle. Troy expects to get back into foot apparel sales and the painter chick has already applied to return to school and finish her degree in neuroscience.
At press time, it wasn’t clear if “a Russian rubber bimbo” was still gainfully employed with the Mafia.
Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music