Country California

Country music. Seriously.

More ACM Awards Predictions

  • The show will open with a stunningly bad performance by a major star.
  • Someone will try to blame it on ‘sound issues.’ (How is it that Martina McBride never has any of these? Oh, right… because she can sing, like, for real.)
  • There will be a Strait quip within the first two minutes of Reba’s opening monologue.
  • Awards will be presented by actors from fledgling CBS shows, none of whom I’ll recognize.
  • One of said actors will wear a cowboy hat to bolster his country credibility.
  • Jimmy Buffett will take the stage with the Zac Brown Band, leaving Kenny Chesney inconsolable.
  • Blake Shelton will drunk-tweet before, during, and after the show.
  • Martina McBride will break into an anti-Semitic tirade while presenting an award.
  • Taylor Swift will make this face at least once.
  • Viewers will make a face similar to the above when Swift reaches for uncomfortable notes during her multiple performances. ‘Sound issues’ will be to blame.
  • Rascal Flatts will pull an “I’mma let you finish” on the Entertainer of the Year winner, reminding everyone in attendance that they recently celebrated ten years in the business and are a pretty big deal.
  • Every mention/appearance of Brooks & Dunn will get long applause and/or an ovation.
  • Every mention of Dale Watson will cut to a shot of a clearly befuddled Kristian Bush.
  • Just kidding. There won’t be any mentions of Dale Watson. You’ll have to tune into the Ameripolitan Awards for those.
  • By the way, Kristian Bush will wear a stupid hat.
  • Jamey Johnson’s beard will fan out and consume the entire audience, like something from a sci-fi movie.
  • Performance highlights: “The House That Built Me,” “Temporary Home,” whatever ZBB and Jamey do.
  • Justin Moore will be mistaken for Tyler Dickerson.
  • Country great Kid Rock will perform.
  • The day after the show, someone will publish an editorial about how this was the one that finally ‘killed’ country music. They’ll be wrong, as always.
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31 Comments

  1. You forgot to mention:
    “The ACMs will shut out Taylor Swift for Female Vocalist and Entertainer of the Year, and she’ll throw a hissy fit when Carrie wins.”

    But yeah, that all seems 100% accurate.

  2. I’m really happy that more people are finding Country California. I’m even happier that it’s pissing them off.

  3. Actually Martina McBride has won several times…and yes, the woman can sing.

  4. Wish I could have written this, you are Spot On!! Congratulations for identifying the sorry state of mainstream “country” music, if it can even be called “country” anymore. If I do watch (probably as a re-airing), it will be with the sound off and my Dwight and Dale CDs playing in the background. Unless Martina McBride sings, then I’ll turn on the sound. I don’t even know who is scheduled to be on this stupid show. Don’t think I can even handle watching Taylor, Kenny or RF with the sound off, it makes me so sad to see the current state of “country” music. Kid Rock? Jimmy Buffett? You’ve got to be kidding!! RIP “country” music. Brings to mind Dale’s line, “Help me Merle, I’m breaking out in a Nashville Rash!!!” Or “That’s country, my a*#”!!!

  5. “•Awards will be presented by actors from fledgling CBS shows, none of whom I’ll recognize.”

    And don’t forget most of the actors presenting never listen to country music in any form, let alone even know who the heck it is they’re presesnting the award to.

    • Kathy P said: “And don’t forget most of the actors presenting never listen to country music in any form, let alone even know who the heck it is they’re presesnting the award to.”

      To be fair, I think some of the actors they use know a little about country music or have at least a thin connection, sometimes. I’m guessing it’s possible that Jeff Bridges and/or Collin Farrell will present this year (from Crazy Heart). Maybe Sandra Bullock with Tim McGraw, because of The Blind Side? Probably Steve Martin as a result of his banjo album.

  6. She looks like someone just killed her kitten in front of her. Can she try being gracious instead of shocked?

  7. Hilarious blog! Love it!

    If those idiot voters give tone deaf Taylor yet another Female vocalist award, when she is clearly worse then William Hung on American Idol and can’t sing on key to save her life, then I want some of what they are smoking….or being paid off with by Swift’s team. Sad state of country music indeed when the worst vocalist in any genre of music, is racking up Female vocalist awards. Sad, sad day.

    • Have u heard Taylor live? obviously not. The girl can sing..probably better than you can. You must be one of “those” Carrie fans. You make the world a sad sad place with your jealousy. I love Carrie too..but her fans are ridiculous.

      • No, to believe Taylor is not the best singer is just fact. We would be happy if ANY of the other women nominated would win instead of Taylor. Just on this award: Top Female Vocalist. Taylor can win any of the other awards she is nominated for including Entertainer. We just want them to leave the vocalist award to a true vocalist.

      • uhm Maleah person, i am a true carrie fan and really want her to win all the awards shes nominated for, but sadly i know she wont cause tswift will win most of them all out of pity (kanye west moment) and stupid “tweens” who think her voice is great uhm she cannot sing worth anything. honestly with every award that carrie and taylor are both nominated in together, id rather see someone else beat out carrie than taylor. especially in the vocalist!!!!! id love to see carrie win eoty, but im sure taylor will get that just cause she begs for votes over twitter and has all the little 10 years olds voting for her.
        try going to a taylor concert and then carries… youll be clearly amazing at how much taylor cant sing.

      • “Those” Carrie fans are not to blame for Taylor Swift’s terrible live singing. Also, it is not just Carrie fans who notice her terrible singing: it is pretty much everyone. Yes, i have heard her sing live at numerous award shows, the most recent being the Grammys where she was so bad she was trashed in papers and blogs all over the world, even in the UK. For you not to admit hte truth about her bad singing, is sad and one of the reasons Taylor Swift fans continue to lie and pretend she is a good singer when everyone knows that is BS. She has yet to sing on key live at any award show…. lol

      • Ok, don’t you think it’s a little more upsetting that so many people are fans of someone who has virtually no talent? Really, it’s Taylor fans who “make the world a sad sad place with your jealousy.” You guys are jealous that Carrie wins everything and that she can actually sing a note in key live. And, honestly, if you really love Carrie, as you claim you do, you wouldn’t have said that.

  8. Otherwise…these predictions are so close to the truth…It’s NOT funny, but sad.

  9. Actually, while she can’t sing worth a lick, I’d rather see Swift take the Vocalist trophy ahead of Underwood. If anyone has been more over-awarded than that woman, I don’t know who that is.

    • Because Carrie actually deserve those awards. Taylor does not deserve a Female Vocalist Award of any kind. I hope Carrie and Lady A sweep the awards.

      • Erik, it doesn’t really matter how many awards she has won. Taylor doesn’t deserve half the awards that she’s won in her ridiculously overrated career, but the millions of 10-year-old spoiled brats across the country voted for her. And honestly, I won’t be surprised if Taylor wins Entertainer because it’s the only fan-voted category. But, vocalist is for people who have talent, like the other four women nominated in the category. I am a Carrie fan but I would rather anyone in that category win over Taylor. And even if she does, let her win her awards while she’s around. Carrie can wait. She’s got a long career ahead of her. Trust me, no one is going to want to hear Taylor sing about her high school crushes, which, might I add, probably didn’t even exist, in five years. Carrie’s music has a message and I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem with her melodies always sounding the same like I have with Taylor’s. Carrie is not over-awarded. She’s talented, down-to-earth, and an incredible role model. All Taylor is telling her fans is that it’s ok to obsess over a tiny little insignificant detail and write hate songs about it.

  10. Carrie Underwood is the BEST!

  11. Erica and Dustin said it all. I have been to four Carrie Underwood concerts and when you listen to her sing in concert you can’t tell the difference if it’s in concert or in the studio. Carrie has been robbed these past few award shows and i don’t know why, because she is the most deserving artist in not only country music, but it in all music genres. Her songs have meaning, she is a great role model, classy lady, and can belt out any given song.

  12. I am a carrie fan and I also know good singing when I hear it. TS cannot sing well. Not only do the fans know this, but many critics have written about this. The CMA’s were ridiculous to give TS vocalist.
    I don’t expect carrie to win all the time, but if she lost to someone like Martina, Reba, it would be o.k.
    these ladies can sing.

  13. For all that is right in the world…PLEASE GIVE CARRIE UNDERWOOD THE FVOTY AWARD!! Giving that award to Taylor is a smack in the face to every other deserving female VOCALIST in the past. And I’m praying Keith or Carrie take home the EOTY…even though I don’t think it will happen. It’s like the music business is trying to crame Taylor down our throats! If they make her EOTY…that’s like saying she is as good as Reba, George, or Garth!! HECK NO…and NEVER WILL BE!! I’m praying the fairytale ride is over!! Give Taylor album of the year…and shut her up!!

  14. hi, lets see if you can sing any better than any of these people. taylor swift has at least won one award at every award show she’s been at, even some she that she has not attended. are you telling everyone that the award choosers (some being very talented and others are the majority of adults , teenagers, and children) choice for taylor swift to win are incorrect? therefore, EVERY award given by the several award showes taylor swift has won an award must be incorrect. so michael jackson must have no talent seeing that taylor swift won 4 grammys. AND SO A THEREFORE, you are everyone in the united states. because at least everyone in the U.S likes one celebrity and i’m sure that celebrity has been nominated/ won an award at one of the award shows taylor swift has won. speechless? thought so. if not e-mail me and let’s see. and don’t even say U.S has not good eye for talent, most of the stars originated from here. so please stfu, stupid.

    • Every person blogging right now and all over the world can sing better then Taylor swift, honey.

      Even her own little tweeny fans on youtube sing Taylor’s songs better then taylor sings them. It is hilarious! They are on key, and she is not! lol

  15. taylor will dominate. <3

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