More than a year and a half after a bizarre incident in which foosball and drinking with some off-duty cops at his home led to firearms being brandished and felony charges being levied against the officers, country singer Steve Holy is still terrified by the tabletop soccer game. “I won’t even go into a bar now unless somebody goes in first and makes damn sure they don’t have one of those tables,” said Holy, carefully avoiding the name of the popular time-waster.
His fear has led to reduced touring in support of his latest album over the past months. “Canceling shows at the honky tonks where they have foosball tables has cut off nearly 30% of Steve’s work this year,” said his manager Reed Carlisle. “I mean, he’s in therapy and it’s getting better, but this is tough, real tough.”
Holy’s shrink has even coined a new term for the singer’s unique condition. “Foosphobia – fear of little men kicking little balls – and to my knowledge, he’s the first of his kind,” said Dallas psychiatrist Lela Parks, who has been helping Holy with his ball neurosis for the past 13 months.
While his foosphobia has lessened to a degree, the fear has spread to a similar pastime. “The bartender was watching the Barcelona soccer game the other night at a bar in Tucson… I know, who watches soccer?” started Holy. “But I came down with some scary chills and a headache… couldn’t even do my ‘Brand New Girlfriend’ encore.” Says Carlisle: “Those officers were out of line, and their aggression broke the law, but what’s worse is that they deprived a man of what was once one of his true joys in life… besides drinking.”
Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music
Well, this explains why we haven’t been hearing much from Steve Holy lately. Poor guy.
And here I thought it was because he sucked.