Martina McBride Being Investigated for Role in Point Shaving Operation

  

Country music superstar Martina McBride is being sought in connection with a high school basketball point shaving operation.

McBride’s nephew Lawrence Perkins, who plays center for Brentwood High School, has already been questioned about his role in several gambling operations that focus on prep sports. It is alleged that Perkins has purposely allowed scores he easily could have blocked in important divisional games, keeping down point totals and allowing opponents to win games Brentwood was favored in.

McBride’s relationship to the operation has been rumored to be more than a passing interest. In fact, other players report seeing her in the locker room berating her nephew on multiple occasions.

An anonymous former shooting guard tells FNN: “She was slapping him around, too, which looked ridiculous because she’s like 4’9″ and he’s around 6’10”. She was standing on a case of jerseys and a playbook, and just cursing him out, telling him three blocked shots was way too much for the half and couldn’t he fake an injury or something?”

Lawrence reportedly responded in that particular game by feigning an ankle twist in the third quarter. The rival Centennial Cougars ended up winning that game by 3 points.

“He showed up the next week to school in a sweet new Lincoln truck… it was suspicious, to say the least,” said another anonymous current player. “He drove a Malibu before that… I’m just guessing, but I think his aunt bought it for him with her winnings. His tag says ‘LUVMARTY.'”

Martina McBride has been the subject of interest in several recent instances of criminal activity in the Nashville area, but has been absolved in each case thus far. Relatives say she is going through a difficult time with teenage daughters and has vented her frustrations through various nefarious activities, including drinking and prescription tampering. Again, none of these alleged misdoings have been proven in court.

McBride could not be reached for comment at press time. Her daughter would only say she was at the gym doing leg presses.

Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

Comments

  1. Rick says

    Mama Bird Cretin never rests, does she? I starting to think the murderous “Maggs” character on the FX series “Justified” is based on little old Martina…

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