Authorities returned to the the Tennessee estate of country singer Martina McBride yesterday to investigate suspicious greenery overlooked during an earlier raid of the property in January. Although McBride was not present during this latest visit, several of her henchmen were on hand to fire pistols at police officers as they searched the area and confiscated approximately 200 marijuana plants.
Speaking of the initial raid, Detective Jack Barker explained: “At the time, we were just looking for evidence of cockfighting, so we may have ignored some clues as to other possible illegal activities happening in the area around the house. Specifically, in the greenhouse about a hundred yards from the back door.
“So we went back to have another look, based on some of the information we received as the investigation proceeded.”
Reportedly, it was McBride’s own Twitter page that aroused cannabis-related suspicions. Barker noticed a days-long stretch where the short-statured hellion tweeted about nothing but insatiable Taco Bell cravings, the comedic brilliance of Cheech and Chong, and her desire to join a co-op. Reprocessing old evidence on a hunch that McBride might be a pothead, investigators suddenly found all clues pointing toward the greenhouse, maintained by a live-in gardener named Spliff.
The scale of the operation suggests that McBride is no novice grower, but it’s unclear whether any selling was involved. It could be that most or all of the crop was intended for the singer’s private consumption.
“We think she has been growing and smoking copious amounts of weed for at least six years, because how else can anyone explain [2004 McBride single] ‘God’s Will?'” remarked Detective Barker. “In hindsight, it makes so much sense. She hasn’t been the same since the ganja got a hold of her.”
McBride was unavailable for comment, but her representatives asked us to assure fans that none of her legal troubles will interfere with her current concert tour or plans to attend Burning Man later this year.