Authorities returned to the the Tennessee estate of country singer Martina McBride yesterday to investigate suspicious greenery overlooked during an earlier raid of the property in January. Although McBride was not present during this latest visit, several of her henchmen were on hand to fire pistols at police officers as they searched the area and confiscated approximately 200 marijuana plants.
Speaking of the initial raid, Detective Jack Barker explained: “At the time, we were just looking for evidence of cockfighting, so we may have ignored some clues as to other possible illegal activities happening in the area around the house. Specifically, in the greenhouse about a hundred yards from the back door.
“So we went back to have another look, based on some of the information we received as the investigation proceeded.”
Reportedly, it was McBride’s own Twitter page that aroused cannabis-related suspicions. Barker noticed a days-long stretch where the short-statured hellion tweeted about nothing but insatiable Taco Bell cravings, the comedic brilliance of Cheech and Chong, and her desire to join a co-op. Reprocessing old evidence on a hunch that McBride might be a pothead, investigators suddenly found all clues pointing toward the greenhouse, maintained by a live-in gardener named Spliff.
The scale of the operation suggests that McBride is no novice grower, but it’s unclear whether any selling was involved. It could be that most or all of the crop was intended for the singer’s private consumption.
“We think she has been growing and smoking copious amounts of weed for at least six years, because how else can anyone explain [2004 McBride single] ‘God’s Will?’” remarked Detective Barker. “In hindsight, it makes so much sense. She hasn’t been the same since the ganja got a hold of her.”
McBride was unavailable for comment, but her representatives asked us to assure fans that none of her legal troubles will interfere with her current concert tour or plans to attend Burning Man later this year.
Concept by Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.
Hahaha. Very clever! I love these.
I love these pieces – Martina McBride is the one you’ve milked for the best material.
This is very funny. Gotta love it.
Dammit, there goes my connection.
These are always enjoyable. You know, I often wonder if Martina ever reads any of these fake news bits. She seems like the type who would laugh her head off at some of them.
yeah, but at least it doesn’t affect your memory man…
When informed of this news Willie Nelson was heard to curse: “Damn it! Mama Bird was the source of my best sh*t! Now where am I going to go to to replenish my weekly consumption stash in that 55 gallon drum camouflaged as “Bio-Willie” fuel? Looks like I might have to arrange some tour stops in Jamaica and Columbia…”
Ah, I heard it was all dirt weed anyway.