Lonestar: “Did We Mention We’re Back Together?”

Lonestar imageAfter four years apart, the members of pop-country group Lonestar have finally reunited with original lead singer Richie McDonald to mark their 20th anniversary in the music business.

“While we had a great run with [replacement vocalist] Cody Collins, we know fans are thrilled and chomping at the bit to get new music from the original line-up,” says dimpled keyboardist Dean Sams. “Everywhere we go, people are asking ‘Who is Lonestar?’ and ‘Why are you old guys wearing pleather pants?’ So, there’s been a lot of interest in what we’re doing to mark our two decades in the biz.”

“Richie actually rejoined the group last October,” explains drummer Keech Rainwater, “but we’ve been having problems with the office phone line, so we haven’t been receiving most of the booking inquiries that have been flooding in since then. If you have a fair or a festival, keep trying the office line. Or we just got a TracFone you can try, but keep it short because there’s only like 150 minutes on there and we need to talk to our kids. The good news is we still have lots of room to work you into our schedule. After the Paducah mattress store opening on the 21st, we’re wide open.”

“Right now, our focus is on making the best album possible,” reveals Richie. “We’re getting some great material from huge writers you’ve probably heard of, like Craig Wiseman’s cousin Larry and Don Schlitz’s grandniece. The Nashville writing community has really stepped up and made all its best stuff available to us, as if we never left. We’re looking through songs that are – really, no exaggeration – just as good as ‘Mr. Mom’ and ‘Six Foot Teddy Bear.’ It’s an exciting time to be back with the boys!”

Lonestar’s new single “The Countdown” was supposed to have arrived at country radio stations today, but none of the program directors reached for comment would confess to having heard it.

“I did like that one they did about her daddy’s money,” offered Jeff Whittaker, KSNZ, by way of consolation.

Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

New posts, by email, whenever we’ve got ’em.


  1. says

    The band members are probably reading this thinking “look, finally there’s someone writing about us!!” before realizing it’s fake news..

  2. ChurchsChicken says

    Love the “Daddy’s Money” joke at the end of the article. Actually, Lonestar and Ricochet should join forces and create one giant band, and tour together and sing all the hits. If they did that, they might get bookings at the opening of new Spencers Gift shops instead of low budget mattress stores. It could help their careers. Maybe “Perfect Stranger” could be their opening act.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *