Local country fan Reginald Spears was arrested over the weekend for merchandise tampering at the new Super Walmart out on the bypass. The details of his infractions are unique, to say the least.
Third-shift electronics cashier Lena Johnston first noticed Spears rifling through the country CD section and filling a grocery cart with at least 100 discs before leaving the department. She thought he was just a rabid music fan until he returned 15 minutes later with the same cart and began slipping CDs back onto the shelves while looking around suspiciously.
Johnston walked over to Spears and asked if he’d decided not to make the massive music purchase. Spears responded “Yeah, yeah uh, yes ma’am” and began sweating profusely. He became spooked shortly afterwards and haphazardly threw the remainder of his CDs on the shelf before walking away. Johnston investigated the country section and noticed that it was full of unwrapped, well-worn CDs that Spears had apparently brought from his home. Spears was apprehended by security, mostly without incident, before leaving the store.
“I looked on the shelf and where Rascal Flatts was supposed to be, that scruffy looking man had put Flatt & Smugs or something like that… and where Taylor Swift had been, he’d replaced it with Tanya Tucker. I guess he’d stole all them new CDs and tried to replace ‘em with his old junk,” said a perplexed Johnston.
Fresh out on bail, Mr. Spears had a far different story. “I didn’t shoplift nothin’. I told the cops they could find all that country pop bullsh*t in the Rubbermaid garbage cans in home wares… where that crap belongs,” said Spears. “I was just trying to give the people around here some damn culture, so I brought my whole collection up here to give away for free. Of course, I’ve got it all ripped on my laptop. My alphabetizing skills might be lacking, but I ain’t stupid.”
“Can you believe they didn’t have a Jerry Reed CD in the whole god***n store?” he continued. “Well, for 15 shining minutes last Friday night, they did.”
The shoplifting charges against Spears were dropped but he still faces misdemeanor charges of mischief and merchandise tampering. For his part, Reginald is considering legal action against the store.
Spears explained: “They threw all my CDs in the dumpster and broke ‘em, them motherf***ers! I’m suing their asses for destruction of property and mental anguish. I was just trying to help this town out… I’m a by-God patriot!”
Walmart officials had no comment on the situation.
Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.
Hit my Walmart next, please, Reginald.
This man is a hero. They should give him a medal, not a citation. Actually he should get 2 medals if he destroyed all the Justin Bieber CDs.
Reginald is indeed a man of fine taste.
Not a Jerry Reed cd in the store? They really are missing some talent! That man has a brain in every finger on each hand!
…Here’s laughing at you, WalMart, for not being able to stick him with a felony!
The U.S.A. is losing financial resources to China at a pace unparallelled in the history of mankind. I guess WalMart gets the last laugh on us. Stop visiting WalMart, I did!!!
Reginald is my hero . . .
This fella is going to need a fan club.
where are all of the rabid fans to defend reginald spears? i bet if reggie was on american idol, or had two first names these hacks would be posting right now.
Is dude wearing overalls without a shirt? Bad@ss!
bet he isnt wearing underwear…
I’d just like to point out…it’s Flatt and SCRUGGS….not Smug. And Thank GOD he was there to put pop country in its place.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIKdswTJ2vY&feature=related
Thank god there are people like you to try to correct FAKE NEWS STORIES.
Besides that the “Flatt & Smugs” line is a quote from the cashier. Who wouldn’t have heard of Flatt & Scruggs. That’s why it’s funny.
That being said – awesome vid – thanks for posting.
Uh, lady? Duh.
Thank you KelliAnne. I can’t believe there are people in the world so ingorant that they don’t know who Flatt & Scruggs are. Poor Lester is turning over in his grave right about now.
You sir are a hero. And to think, I thought I was the only one who felt this way.
Ha ha! That Jerry Reed would be rolling over in his grave.
my redneck hero
A true Modern day Robin Hood.
Good job, Reginald!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Reginald-Spears/255132287844614?ref=ts
The guy has a point. Wal Mart stocks nothing but garbage. And that stupid employee they interviewed should keep her stupid small minded opinions about “old junk” to herself. Nobody’s gonna care about all the “modern country” crap 30 years from now. Scruggs And Flatt (please take note of the actual name the group, Little Miss Barbie Doll) will still have an audience and their albums will still be in print long after Taylor Swift has returned to working retail.
This is a joke article. It’s not real. Like the Onion. It’s OK. This event never happened.
You know this is a fake, satricial news story, right?
Fake or not, I get the impression by the many Reginald supportive posts that a lot of people are fed up with what is being called county music. I’m here to tell you that it has not disappeared completely. There are many modern country artists writing new songs in a traditional country style. I am one. You can listen to my songs at,
http://www.reverbnation.com/austintruax
Also I am writing a blog on song structure that can be read at,
http://songwritersecrets.blogspot.com/
Wow.
Check the very last line of this ‘news article’, folks:
“Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.”
Well,duh. Can’t get a thing past you, Sparky…
This guy is my hero. I may be a liberal from New York, but I darn well know who Flat and Scruggs are!
Maybe he’s a hero but he’s also a dumbass.
“Trailer” Parkman?? LOL I’m a Parkman too… and since that name is rare, you KNOW we’re related!! LMAO and the article on the dood is FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAALOL
If this is real (not fake news, as indicated above), I can’t think of a more brilliant, out-of-the-box move by Walmart than use this to publicize a new line of great country music! They could make a TV campaign based on this story and loudly repent, and hire Reginald Spears as its manager. Of course, this would instantly lead to a thousand copy cats.
Two holes in your thinking:
1. It is not real.
2. There is no new line of great country music. Cocktail-waitress beautiful women and three-day bearded guys wearing beat-up cowboy hats and singin’ about dirt roads, yes. Great country music, I think not.
you just haven’t been looking in the right place. There is real country music out there but you won’t find it on pop radio. check out JP Harris and the Tough Choices http://www.myspace.com/thetoughchoices
Every participant in this story needs a grammar slash social filter refresher course…
hmm… what an idiot! at the Wal*Mart I work at, we carry Jerry reed, Tanya tucker and even Hank williams Sr. they don’t sell very well, but, we have them. maybe he should just kill himself. then he wouldn’t need to worry about music they don’t even play on the radio anymore.
Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step away from the keyboard…
Begging your pardon Joe, but there is an all “oldies: country music station in Hartselle, Alabama
you should consider the same.you work at wal-mart.you are garbage.you are a traitor to this country for working to give all our money to the chinese.be a man get a real job or go on welfare.like your blue smok?loser.
don’t think Tanya Tucker is gonna like the fact you called her cd junk…just saying. He’s not stupid..he just wanted to educate the youngsters….hahaha….better find a new way…
This guy is my new hero! And the employee that said “Flatt and Smugs” should not only be fired, they should be drummed out of the south.
Johnston is an idiot. It’s flatt & Scruggs!!!
And they should have kept the TT there!!!! >.<
This man deserves a plaque, not charges!!!
I love you Reggie do you want me to start you a fan club!
I’ll bet you put out some By god Waylon Fi’n Jennings too didn’t you?
Duh… It says at the bottom it is a FAKE article. Not real.lol **shakeshead**
Good start, now go over to the book aisle and take all the Glen Beck books and put where they belong, right next to the Massengill. :-)
This is just awesome.
Too damn funny..Way to go dude…Love ya..
“Country fan Reginald Spears” YOU’RE MY HERO! I live in Nashville where slinging poop in the name of country music is a billion dollar business. Can you please go on a nation wide education campain?
you hillbilly slackjaw backwoods hick mthrfckrs!!! If you didn’t rely on Walmart so much that you put all the record stores out of business, you wouldn’t have this problem! Walmart destroys small towns! And all you can do is complain that they don’t have a good country section… don’t you realize they don’t care about you or even the products they sell?? this man is a Hero, but maybe he should have sold those albums in the parking lot instead… why would he want to encourage Walmart to sell them?? pull your head out of your ass! just stop shopping there entirely! good LORD
Strange Powers says that people “relied on Walmart so much that you put all the record stores out of business.” But I dare suggest that iTunes and maybe amazon did far more to put record stores out of business than Walmart (and Target, Best Buy and others).
Anyway, if you go to iTunes, you can find Tanya Tucker and the others that Reggie Spears likes so much. I fact, I dare suggest that the emergence of iTunes makes it easier – not harder – to find older Tanya Tucker records. Its not as if in 2005 small record shops where I lived at the time were full of those kinds of CDs.
I’m also not too nostalgic for “local record shops.” The ones I knew tended to have rather small selections (Sure, bigger than Walmart, but nothing to brag about and mostly dominated by top 40 hit artists), and high prices (In 2004 something I could buy online at amazon for 11.95 might be 18.95 at a “local record shop.”) And the local record shops in my hood weren’t “independent” stores: there was Sam Goody and FYE and the like. There were some used record shops and independent shops but they still exist.
Sure there were the Virgin Megastores and the large Tower Records. But I suspect that most of the music those stores sold can be found at iTunes today.
your missing the point i think. iTunes and the likes most definitely would have downed all the mentioned music stores.but that was because the technology of the way we listen to music changed. iTunes just happened to be the first to tie their noose around the music bizz in other words figure out how to package sell and deliver music better then the record labels. basically creating another middle man and putting us farther from the artist and our cash. don’t get me wrong i love getting music off the internet instantly and i think it is worth a reasonable price.back to the point wal-mart didn’t put music stores out of business but it’s way of doing business and it relentless pursuit of profit for itself and no other has caused a chain reaction of events that have led to the demise of our country’s economic strength.wal-mart helped us save all that money back then but now we are paying it all back ten fold with inflation and unemployment.do you think wal-mart really cares about us or our problems?no they deal with china and all our enemy’s even as those same country’s want us to fail and falter.look deeper . the story was a joke but its message is clear to me.corporations are not people and they shouldn’t be given rights like a person.what kind of american dream is there if every one who wants to make their own way and do what they love to make money to survive has to compete with big corporations like wal-mart,exxon,pepsi-co,etc.they have used their money and power to fix the game within our government so they always win.the solution is easy lets pay for it.buy your music from the internet,pay extra for your groceries at locally owned shops,have your car repaired by a local mechanic,hire builders who only use domestic labor force and not immigrants,go solar,and vote for independent politicians who are not on the lobby payroll and stop going to wal-mart!
I think he should have also increased the prices on all of Walmart’s merchandise. They are only able to offer such low prices by oppressing workers all over the world. We need to consume less and pay fair prices for things.
Some people can’t understand music critics.
The charges should be dropped. As a general rule (state statutes and local ordinances can vary), merchandise tampering requires some sort of deliberate alteration of merchandise, not merely moving it from one place in the store to another. As a general rule (again, individual state statutes and local ordinances can vary), criminal mischief requires some degree of intentional destruction of another’s property without the right to do so. The only property destroyed belonged to the accused — and Walmart did it. I bet the Walmart people won’t be charged. Any takers?
It’s a fake news story, so quit getting your panties in a bunch!
Mr.Spears might have went at this in the wrong way, but he did make a statement. a lot of people are sick and tired of crap that walmart and other retail business are trying to push down peoples throws.
their are millions of elderly people that shop at walmart,s.and they buy cd ,s and most are not interested in to day’s music.I think that retail business should relocate back down in the main part of the town’s.that would give walmart owners something to thank about.
MY HERO!
Mr. Wee Wee sez “yOu gO girl” and STAND FIRM behind Barack!
My favorite comment I’ve read anywhere about this story: “That site has discovered something The Onion never figured out: If you make sure your “funny” news story isn’t very funny, people will believe it’s true. :razz:”
I’m just going to pretend that this is real. Life is better that way.
Dang why i aint thought of that first?
You go, Reginald!
I feel like doing the same thing, when I am behind a “family” with kids, grocery cart filled with boxes of processed food, fake food, sugar and chemicals. puffed bread and American cheese. Just drop some carrots, lentils and fruit, then run.
This man is now my hero. He deserves all the medals and awards available.
This man needs a radio show.
So like the Wal-mart mentality!
I can’t believe how many people are commenting on an article that says it is from the FAKE NEWS archive! Written by ‘Trailer” Parkman of FARCE the Music. It’s a JOKE people!
The name of “Flatts and Scruggs” is intentionally wrong. Because it’s FUNNY. But no wheres near as funny as seeing how many of you people fell for the farce! This is NOT a real story. It’s a FARCE. It did not happen.Get it? Laugh!
“Reginald” is a “doowad” kind of guy, seems like would hit it off quite well.
This guy represents real music.
At this point, I can’t tell which people get the joke and which ones don’t realize this is a fake story.
I know, it’s a kick, isn’t it? :)
Need proof that country music causes brain damage? Just take a look at “Inbreed Jed” in that picture!
His family tree doesn’t fork.
Is there a place in the Country Music Hall of Fame for a “Good Samaritan”? Maybe they should establish the “Reginald Spears” award for doing good work to preserve real music.
I want to put this guy in a music video how do I get ahold of him? Musicians everywhere should love this guy, if radio and your store dont listen to what you want show’em loljk
I blogged about this at http://www.retrokustomhonkytonk.com. Damn near busted a gut reading it. “Flatt & Smugs” had me rollin’ on the floor. I’ve subscribed to the RSS and am lookin’ forward to your further work.
Horrors!!! The clerk didn’t recognize Flatt & Scruggs!!! & no Jerry Reed!!! No good country music section. Don’t blame him.
I love this Guy.
Reginald for Pres.
Bubba should promote a few concerts for Walmart Parking Lots across the country. Can you see it? A guy like Bubba, that ear for music he has….. are you kidding me? He can even provide his own security…. who’s gonna go up against a bare bottomed guy in overalls like Bubba!
All you intellectual liberals commenting on country music, crime, culture, am I the only one to notice that this entire incident (and the following one, same guy, same picture, same “reporter”) are both identified at the site as Fake News?
Yes, Sam Hall you are the only one to notice this was fake. Positively the only one. Everyone else had no clue, and it was “intellectual liberals” who were especially likely to be taken in.
This just keeps getting better :D
As a general rule of thumb, it’s safe to assume that a guy who enters his AOL email address in the website field of a comment form knows what he’s talking about.
In other news, apparently AOL still exists.
I was just on Matraca’s personal fb page (her wall is open) and noticed that she posted this on her wall. She especially likes Flatt & Smugs.:)
Could almost be a Steve Goodman song.