Kristian Bush and a handful of lesser talents have joined forces to record an updated anniversary version of 1985 benefit single “We Are the World,” with proceeds going to aid recovery and reconstruction efforts in Haiti following the devastating Jan. 12 earthquake in that country.
“I was so excited when they asked me to do this. I was a little less excited when I found out that they had asked Jennifer too, and then I found out that I’d be part of a chorus of more than 75 other artists,” said Bush. “Obviously, it’s an important humanitarian cause and all, but my concern is that you can’t hear my vocal well enough in the final mix. I really think I brought something cool to the table, and I was just hoping that people would get to hear it as I intended it to be heard. Truth be told, I’m not even sure they had my mic on.”
Bush tried to be flexible, but organizers of the recording session brushed off all of his suggestions. “I told them I could do the spoken intro, because I’m at least as sincere and personable as Jamie Foxx. I offered to join the rappers, because I’ve been known to lay down some rhymes. And that Celine Dion solo was totally supposed to be mine,” blubbered Bush, shaking his head angrily. “Jesus, it’s aggravating. They let that Bieber kid sing by himself, and he sounds like a less husky-voiced Miley! In the video, I got less face time than Vince Vaughn.”
“It was such a pleasure to be able to do this again for a great cause, and all of the artists involved were so accommodating,” said Lionel Richie, who organized this event, like the original 1985 session, with Quincy Jones. “Except for that guy from Sugarland, who started yelling ‘hey yeah yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah yeah’ over the end of our best take. We had to have [Grammy-winning producer RedOne] edit that part out.”
Richie added: “What was that guy’s problem, anyway? He showed up in an imperial coat, wearing one glove, like he thought he was going to be the Michael of the remake. I had to lend him some of my clothes for the shoot.”
Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive. Click here to buy the single or make a donation through the We Are the World Foundation. It may be cliche to say so, but it’s true: every little bit helps.