Hank III’s First Draft of New Monday Night Football Theme Deemed Inappropriate

  

ESPN and NFL officials are beginning to regret asking Hank Williams III to pen and perform a new theme song for the stalwart Monday Night Football franchise. After deeming his first attempt “vulgar,” “loud,” “inappropriate” and “out of tune,” MNF producers have asked Williams for a rewrite.

“For the 2010-11 season, we wanted to reach a younger audience with a more rocking and contemporary theme song. Who better than the son of Bocephus, whose song ‘Are You Ready for Some Football?’ we’ve used for years?” asked MNF’s Jay Rothman. “The song Shelton turned in certainly brought the rock and, for the most part, a more current sound, but was not at all right for our product.”

The first demo of Hank’s “Monday Night M***********g Football” includes 21 profanities, 3 drug references, one line taken verbatim from the Satanic bible, and some disturbingly violent imagery. It starts out as a straight country song, reminiscent of something Williams’ legendary grandfather might have done, before plowing headlong into a rambling punk/thrash metal amalgam complete with Cookie Monster vocals.

“We did some editing on the track to see if there was anything usable,” said Rothman, “and we did glean 20 seconds without cursing, but it was a verse about drinking whiskey and shooting the television with an ol’ shotgun if your team loses. We just can’t put that message out there.”

Hank has promised to tame it down, but is unrepentant about the first cut. “I just wanted to kick their ass man,” said III. “Sh*t, the people want their teeth knocked down their throats with some hellbilly music before they watch their team beat the g*****n m***********g sh*t out of those other b*tches!”

If Williams is unable to rewrite the song to the producers’ satisfaction, the backup plan is to move forward with a Timbaland remix of Hank II’s well-known theme, featuring T-Pain.

Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music

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