According to a new study out of Auburn University, there is no better place to witness mass hysteria and confusion than in the comment sections on your local country radio station’s Facebook page. “We initially thought riots, natural disasters, Black Friday sales, and advanced algebra classes would prove the most fertile ground for our work,” writes confusion researcher Paul Sheener, “but we kept coming back around to those damned people on the Facebook page of [your local station’s call letters].”
One quick visit to the page makes the case convincingly. On a post about yesterday’s weather, the first comment is “Luke Bryan tickets today!!!,” referring to a contest and concert that happened last March. “wHERE cAN I rEQUEST tHE nEW cHASE sWINDLE sONG pARKING lOT pARTY???” wonders someone else. “if i get to the statin early tomoro will bobby bones sign my gloriana koozy¿” asks another fan, evidently unaware that The Bobby Bones Show is syndicated from hundreds of miles away and that most of the DJs who were local and would have been happy to sign stuff have been laid off to make way for it. “Ive listened to every other station and you guys are THE BEST,” raves a clearly deranged man under the misapprehension that there can still be a ‘best’ when every station is forced to play the same songs and talk about the same things.
Still, some say reports of widespread confusion on the Facebook page are exaggerated. “I’m on their Facebook page every day looking for new stuff and I don’t see any of this crap,” said one fan we contacted, apparently referring to a station MySpace page that hasn’t been updated since 2007.
Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.