Exclusive: An Interview with Willie Nelson’s Braids

This showed up in my inbox courtesy of friend and The 9513 colleague Sam Gazdziak, who’s obviously every bit as imbalanced as I am. Thanks, Sam!

Although he just released his eleventh album of 2010 with Country Music, Willie Nelson has recently found his name in headlines for an entirely different reason. After a golf-related arm injury made taking care of his braids too difficult, Nelson lopped off his famous locks of hair. Sporting a kicky new bob, Nelson seems re-energized and has announced plans for a dozen more albums before the end of the year. We recently caught up with the most famous castoffs this side of Kix Brooks for an exclusive interview.

First of all, how are you two holding up?

Lefty: I gotta be honest with you, right after Willie told us ends to split, I was feeling pretty limp and unmanageable. But now, I’m in a little better condition and feeling at peace. I’m definitely handling it better than Righty…
Righty: This is bullshit, man.
Lefty: … is. It’s still a sore subject with him.
Righty: Who stuck by him longer than any of his wives? We did. Who helped him get through his IRS problems? We did. Who supported him after that stupid reggae album? Us. And what do we get from it? A pair of scissors and a “Thanks for the memories, boys.”

There are rumors that the relationship had cooled lately.

Righty: We put up with a lot of crap and got no gratitude in return. Do you think I wanted to spend my entire life smelling like a college dorm room? No way. And let’s not even mention that one waitress he hooked up with in the ’80s. I got the worst case of head lice from her.
Lefty: Sure, there were bad times, but I’m focusing on the good times, too. We appeared on magazine covers and in movies with him, and Willie always used the finest shampoo and conditioner money could buy. No hotel brand junk when we were on the road, that’s for sure.

When Willie started growing you out, did you have any idea the relationship would last as long as it did?

Righty: Hey, it was the ’70s, man. Everyone was growing their hair long. But we sort of became part of that “Willie Look” and stuck around. I know Willie always admired Conway Twitty’s perm and wanted to copy that look, but he didn’t want to mess with the image when it was working so well.

Have you heard from your friends in the country music world?

Lefty: Alan Jackson’s mustache sent us a note of support, which was nice. The Hall of Fame wanted to put us in a hair-related display with one of Dolly’s wigs, Billy Ray Cyrus’ mullet and Gary LeVox’s mango-infused styling gel, but we’re just not ready to retire.

What are your future plans?

Righty: I was thinking about joining with Trace Adkins’ ponytail, but going from hanging out with Waylon, Kris and Johnny to Toby Keith and Blake Shelton? I don’t know if I can handle that.
Lefty: I’m going to spend the summer touring with Jamey Johnson as a beard extension. It’ll be a nice change of pace to be on the front of someone’s head after all these years.