Eddie Montgomery Launches Presidential Campaign

  

The 2012 presidential race just got a little more interesting with news that singer Eddie Montgomery (of Montgomery Gentry) will pursue the Republican nomination.

At a political tour stop in Ohio on Sunday, Montgomery fielded a question concerning the right of migrant workers to obtain government-funded healthcare.

“You do your thing, I’ll do mine,” the entertainer-turned-candidate smirked mischievously from beneath his broad-rimmed black hat. After exhibiting some confusion at Montgomery’s complete failure to address the question he had been posed, the crowd pepped up again as he grabbed a nearby mic stand and gave it a few twirls, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet as if deranged.

“Whaddaya think about that?!” he shouted to raucous applause as confetti cannons fired and a large Jim Beam banner unfurled behind him.

Several attendees agreed that it was Montgomery’s playful enthusiasm and everyman charm that sealed the deal, cementing him as their candidate of choice.

“Most politicians seem so serious and knowledge-y, like they think they’re better than regular folk,” said local newspaper deliverywoman and Montgomery convert Odessa Collins. “Eddie is just so happy and approachable. You never feel stupid around him. Plus, his campaign is being sponsored by a company called Average Joe’s. You know? Them’s my people. The choice seems obvious to me.”

Clarifying his position on birth control, Montgomery took to Twitter on Sunday evening with a promise to treat “your town as if it was My Town. Hell yeah. Right on.”

At press time, nobody in Montgomery’s camp would speculate as to whether bear enthusiast friend ‘Tee-Roy’ Gentry or washed-up country singer brother John Michael would serve as his running mate. Within minutes of announcing his campaign, Montgomery had already catapulted into fourth place among the remaining Republican nominees, prompting Jon Huntsman to drop out and move to Fiji.

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