Dwight Yoakam Speaks Out on Chafing

Dwight Yoakam has taken on the yoke, so to speak, of bringing a seldom considered – but quite serious – health matter to the forefront of the American consciousness. The twangy country singer/actor has signed on with NADDS (National Abrasion Detection & Deletion Society) to appear in their television and radio spots promoting the awareness of severe groin chafing.

“This was a perfect fit for me, no pun intended,” laughed Yoakam, who has been known to wear his boot cut jeans a bit on the tight side. “So I thought, hell, why not?”

Lou Brickant, founder and head spokesperson for NADDS, told us: “Like ball and glove, this will be a close relationship; we’ll be sponsoring D-Y’s next tour and handing out pamphlets and comfort packets at each show. Lap wellness is a severely overlooked personal health issue in this nation and we intend to bring awareness to the fans’ genital areas.”

Yoakam says he has taken steps in his life and career to prevent chafing which he thinks would benefit all his fans as well. “I’ve traded the painted-on jeans for merely wallpapered-on jeans and I’ve started liberally applying Blue Star ointments and powders to prevent rash and chafing. I’ve learned to pamper my package.”

Dwight has even written the hygiene issue into the first single from his forthcoming album. “It’s called ‘Blue Star Baby’ and it’s about a woman who hangs on waaay too tight,” said Yoakam, fidgeting in his seat out of habit.

The singer’s 52-date “Saving the American Crotch” tour begins Friday, June 11 in Crested Butte, CO and continues through summer before wrapping up in Dicktown, NJ in September.

Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

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