Jason Aldean fans Shelley Young and Lyndi Berks recently traveled into rural Mississippi to experience the fun and charming world of Aldean’s smash hit “Dirt Road Anthem.” What they sampled instead was a level of sheer dullness they had not come to know in their entire previous 17 years on the planet.
Clad in matching “My Kinda Party” tour shirts, boots and cut-off jeans, the pair borrowed Berks’ dad’s old Dodge Ram and headed for less-developed paths.
“It was so boring I wanted to shoot myself in the face,” exaggerated Madison High School senior Young. “That song made dirt roads sound like so much fun, but it’s just like bugs and dirt and stuff! I mean, you can tell Jason totally knows what he’s talking about when he wrote that song and maybe dirt roads are just more fun in Georgia, but I’d rather listen to a Merle Haggard song than get off the blacktop ever again!”
The girls started off on an unnamed county road in neighboring Holmes County, by swerving “like George Jones” and smoking Kool cigarettes. “But dust was rolling IN the window… and the smoke was just making us cough,” related Berks. “And I could only get 1G on my Galaxy S!”
Next, they searched for a party in a pasture to attend, but found only cows, horses and a couple of discarded washing machines. “We stopped at a trailer to ask a guy if there was a party anywhere and he said the party was ‘right here’ and pointed to his pleather couch… I think he was on meth,” said Shelley.
The trip ended with a failed attempt at purchasing an Old Milwaukee tallboy to place “in the console.” “That old woman said we looked like we were twelve. Dumb b*tch, like she was gonna make any other money that day. Does anybody even live that far away from a Hollister?” complained Berks.
In summation, dirt roads “suck,” “blow” and caused the girls to “SMH” and say “FML” multiple times. “But we still love Jason! He’s so hot!” they cooed in perfect harmony.