Despondent, Old Blue Chair Drowns Self in Caribbean Sea

Early this morning, scuba divers discovered a weather-worn wicker chair on the ocean floor just off the coast of the Caribbean island of St. John. After extricating the chair from the seaweed in which it had become entangled and hauling it to shore, one of the scuba divers recognized it as a late companion of country singer Kenny Chesney. The chair was last seen alive yesterday, when several islanders noticed it hobbling along the beach toward a remote, cliffy area. Although no note has been found, patrons of a local beachside bar report that the chair grew increasingly despondent after reading of Chesney’s relations with more than a hundred other chairs on a popular country music website yesterday morning. The old blue chair, to whom Chesney dedicated an entire album in the early years of their relationship, had recently complained of the singer’s growing disinterest and frequent outings with an exotic young recliner from the Swedish province of IKEA. No details about memorial arrangements are available at this time. Mr. Chesney was unavailable for comment.