Hit songwriter Craig Wiseman (“The Good Stuff,” “Live Like You Were Dying,” “Just Another Day in Paradise”) was pushing a shopping cart down the aisles of the Nashville Kroger last week when inspiration struck. Looking down at his shopping list, he realized that he could spin it into a hit song with only a few minor revisions. The result is “Before the Ice Cream Melts,” as fine a song as any Nashville has produced in 2010.
The song begins in the aisles of a grocery store:
You got your Hot Pockets, cold beer
Frozen corn dogs, bacon right here
Some Vitamin C pills for my health
There’s a sale on Oreo cookies
They’ve got Double Stuf, lookie lookie
Baked beans and some sauerkraut
Now I gotta bring it on home
Before the ice cream melts
In the two inspirational verses that follow, Wiseman cleverly, and not at all predictably, extends the metaphor of “bringing it home before the ice cream melts” to other life experiences, including watching children grow up and witnessing the death of a frail, cancer-stricken father, who advises his son to embrace the carpe diem of the song’s title line in the moments before he expires. The surprising cancer twist came at the suggestion of Tim Nichols, Aimee Mayo, Chris Lindsey, and Tony Mullins, who are all credited as cowriters on the track.
“I think this will be the big hit of the summer,” said Wiseman, noshing on a bacon-wrapped Hot Pocket sandwich with a side of baked beans. “I should start more songs in the supermarket.”
As of Wednesday morning, Tim McGraw had “Before the Ice Cream Melts” on hold.
Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.