Country Music Hall of Fame Refuses Jason Aldean’s Memorabilia Donation

  

A guest contribution from friend and fellow The 9513 alumnus Sam Gazdziak. Thanks, Sam!

Country superstar Jason Aldean admits that he was “stunned” when his generous donation of country music artifacts was nearly discarded by the Country Music Hall of Fame. The singer says that he is looking for other options to preserve and display the valuable objects, many of which he has owned for, like, months.

“So much of country music’s past is being forgotten, and I wanted to do something to keep it around,” he says, taking reporters on a tour of cardboard boxes in his basement. “The day we forget country’s pioneers, like Hank Jr. and Rascal Flatts, is the day that we lose our roots.”

Rummaging through boxes labeled “wallet chains – historical” and “guitar picks – unused,” Aldean showed off some of his treasures.

“Look at all this stuff. Luke Bryan’s first Bedazzler. A bunch of Toby Keith’s do-rags. A coconut bra Zac Brown wore to his first Jimmy Buffett concert. Ooh, check this out,” he said, fishing out a plastic baggie filled with a half-eaten chicken drumstick. “This is from a bucket of KFC that Colt Ford ate when he and my boy B-Gil wrote ‘Dirt Road Anthem.’ You can even see the teeth marks where he tried to gnaw through the bone. This stuff is priceless.”

Aldean said he dropped off 10 boxes of treasures at the Hall of Fame several weeks ago. Mere hours later, he returned to see them being tossed into a trash bin.

“They told me they didn’t have any room for these things, so I took it all back,” he says, clearly exasperated. “Hell, I’ve been to the Hall. You know what they have in there? Ugly suits and black & white photos. Tell me you can’t get rid of some of that stuff and bring in some things that represent real country music.”

Aldean picks up a large binder with “Audience Demographic Analysis” written on the spine. “This book right here,” he says, holding it reverently, “predicted which songs from My Kinda Party would do the best with the female 25-54 radio-listening demographic. Would you rather see this piece of history in the Hall or some old suit with rhinestones and wagon wheels on it?”

The prize of his collection, Aldean says, is a cassette of Wanted: The Outlaws that he bought from a used record shop last week.

“This is like the first country album ever made, and the guy was going to sell it to me for fifty cents. C’mon, man! It’s got Willie on it, and Waylon, and… that other guy, and Willie’s wife. Once I told the clerk how important this is, he changed the price to three hundred dollars. I still got a bargain on it, believe me.”

When contacted for comment, a spokeswoman from the Hall of Fame explained that the museum has thousands of artifacts and is unable to display everything it has collected or been given. She claimed to have no particular recollection of any donations from Aldean.

Moments later, her story changed: “Wait, you mean those boxes of crap that got left by our front door a couple weeks ago? I thought that was some junk that fell off the back of a Goodwill truck or something.”

Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

Comments

  1. says

    Jason, I say to take all of your artifacts and start your own Museum. Since they were so rude to you and ungrateful. You have SO many fans, people would love the stuff described here. You have the bucks, so get Luke to go in with you and start your own place. Look what Dolly did with Dollywood. You could even consider putting it in Branson. :)

  2. Gary Alpha says

    Jason Aldean has worked his ass off to get to where he is now. That is flat out disrespectful. You want to know how the people feel about him ask the first thousands of fans that sell out his concerts or my five year old that knows all the words to his songs and insisted she join is for his concert in Lafayette, LA.

  3. Otis TWG says

    The article was great and the first two comments were priceless. I guess the Axe fumes prevent the brain from processing complicated words like ” fake” and “news”.

  4. Sarah says

    The comments are better than the article, and the article was hilarious. I guess it’s at least heartening that there are pop/country (I think referring to the people in the article as “pop/country” is an insult to Kasey Chambers, but it’s the best term I have for it) fans who believe the Country Hall of Fame really would think this was all from Goodwill.

  5. H B says

    He doesn’t know what real country music is. Hank Jr and Rascal Flats ARE NOT Country Music pioneers. Not even close. The people in the Country Music Hall of Fame are the pioneers and Legends that have given him the chance to make the music he calls country. All the exhibits are what contributed to make REAL COUNTRY MUSIC, REAL COUNTRY MUSIC. Nothing like biting the hand that is feeding you. Going to come back to bite you in the butt if you are not careful with your comments. Learn about the industry you are taking money from.

    • Zeke Buttons says

      If Alden thinks that Hank JR & Rascal Flatts are the pioneers of “Country” Music, Is it any wonder that he actually ‘thinks’ that he is a “Country’ Artist? How shallow..And the sad part is that folks just like him that don’t have a clue thinks he is a ‘Country’ Artist.. But he is not alone..The CMA is just as shallow as Aldean..Sorta the blind leading the blind..Thank God that the HOF knows the history of ‘Country’ Music..I hope that he is NEVER inducted..Educate yourself and think before you speak dumb ass..

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