In an unprecedented move, Congress has pinned all hope for the future economic health of the United States on one woman, teenage singing sensation Taylor Swift. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid officially requested Swift’s aid in a letter sent by courier just this morning: “We don’t know exactly how much you’re making, but it’s more than we’ve got. And by ‘we’ I mean the United States government. Please help. Signed, Harry.”
Swift, who was hairbrush-singing to a Shakira song with friend Abigail when the letter arrived, expressed her willingness to help in a post on her Myspace blog: “I just voted in my first presidential election this past year, so to be asked now – just a few months later – to donate all my past and future earnings in order to briefly delay or offset a dangerous and possibly apocalyptic economic crisis on behalf of my country is a big deal for me. It’s an honor and I feel like it’s the least that I can do for all my amazing fans… and the economic system that tenuously supports their existence. By the way, ‘White Horse’ is at radio now, so call and request it! Love you guys!”
Swift is expeced to sign all of her accounts and assets over to the government sometime this afternoon. Sources report that once Swift’s country/pop dominance officially becomes a national financial security interest, all who dare disparage the young star will be arrested, held indefinitely, and eventually transferred to an undisclosed offshore location which will hopefully be ready to receive them no later than January 22, 2010.
Concept by Farce the Music