Country California

Country music. Seriously.

Challenge: Comment as a Superfan

One of the immutable laws of blogging is that any review critical of a mainstream act will eventually (often immediately) attract its share of nonsensical fan comments in defense of that act.  Somehow, the very worst singers and groups usually seem to have the largest, most militant fanbases waiting to back them up at a moment’s notice.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to model ridiculous fan responses.  Let’s say I’ve just written a scathing review of the new single, “Blah Blah Blah,” by a fictional pop-country boy band named Sailor Tift.  (I don’t actually have to write such a review because real superfans wouldn’t read it anyway; they would just look at the star rating.  Zero, by the way.)  That’s your cue to defend Sailor Tift and their song in as many unconvincing ways as possible.  If you need inspiration, peruse the comments on negative reviews at any blog that gets a decent amount of traffic (i.e. not here). Let’s see how long we can keep it going.

Bonus points for originality. Oh, and do try to keep it clean, please. I don’t want to have to censor pretend fan comments.

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15 Comments

  1. the audac1ty! how many hit sOngs have you writt3n?!?1? sailor’s music comes from her heart and is meant for the heart. if you can’t understand that, then i guess you just dont have one!!!

    you…you, heartless meani3!!!

  2. you liberal pinko city dwellers dont know what youre talking about because this song is about good COUNTRY people living in the COUNTRY… and we love it!!!

  3. The best thing about Brody’s is that the “if you can’t understand that, then i guess you just dont have one!!!” was a quote from a super fan

    the artist being defended – songwriter Chris Lindsey.

    the superfan commenting – songwriter Chris Lindsey.

    it’s true.

  4. Sailor has more than 40 million people in their fan club. and radio plays this song a lot. how can it be bad?

  5. This reviewer obviously doesn’t know anything. Sailor Tift is one of the bst new bands out there TODAY! They really care about the fan and make GREAT music! Instead of sitting here and writing INGORANT “reviews” that only TALK TRASH, why don’t you try to actually DO SOMETHING. Obvoiusly its because you don’t have any talent. if you don’t like Sailor Tift, just don’t listen to them. They don’t care about what CONCEITED, BITTER “critics” think anyway. They care about what their fans, yaknow, the people who actually like music, think about it. And we LOVE IT! YOU GO SAILOR TIFT, DON’T LISTEN TO THE HATERZZZZ!!!!!!!

  6. obvously if u hate Sailor Tift u must hate AMERICA!!!

    This ain’t no rag it’s a flag
    And we don’t wear it on our heads
    It’s a symbol of the land where the good guys live
    Are you listening to what I said
    You’re a coward and a fool
    And you broke all of the rules
    And you wounded our American pride

    And now we’re coming with a gun
    And we know you’re gonna run
    But you can’t find no place to hide
    We’re gonna hunt you down like a mad dog hound
    Make you pay for the lives you stole
    We’re all through talking and a messing around
    And now it’s time to rock and roll

    These colors don’t run and we’re speaking as one
    When we say united we stand
    When you mess with one, you mess with us all
    Every boy, girl, woman and man
    You’ve been acting mighty rash
    And talking that trash
    Let me give you some advice
    You can crawl back in your hole
    Like a dirty little mole

    But now you’re gonna pay the price
    You might of shot us in the back
    Now you have to face the fact
    That the big boys’ in the game
    And the lightning’s been flashing
    And the thunder’s been crashing
    And now it’s getting ready to rain

    This is the United States of America
    The land of the brave and the free
    We believe in God and we believe in justice
    We believe in liberty
    You’ve been pulling our chain
    We should’ve done something ’bout you a long time ago
    But now the flag’s flying high and the fur’s gonna fly
    And soon the whole world’s gonna know

    This ain’t no rag, it’s a flag
    Old Glory red, white and blue
    The stars and the stripes when it comes to a fight
    We can do what we have to do
    Our people stand proud
    The American crowd is faithful, loyal and tough
    We’re good as the best and better than the rest
    And you’re gonna find out soon enough
    When you look up in the sky
    And you see the eagle fly
    You better know he’s a heading your way
    Cause this ain’t no rag it’s a flag
    And it stands for the USA
    USA
    USA
    USA

    This is the United States of America
    The land of the brave and the free
    We believe in God and we believe in justice
    We believe in liberty
    You’ve been pulling our chain
    We should’ve done something ’bout you a long time ago
    But now the flag’s flying high and the fur’s gonna fly
    And soon the whole world’s gonna know

  7. Are we talkin’ about Saylor Tift here or Buddy Jewel?:)

  8. Sailor Tift is a combination of every country music act with over-the-top fans.

  9. God help me I just got the whole “Sailor Tift” thing.

    I was sitting here thinking, what a kooky name to come up with out of nowhere.

    I think I have mad-cow disease.

  10. How can I get a hold of Saylor Tift? She means so much to me.

    –Leeann

  11. i so glad that they did a music video in my hometown i saw my friends in the video.

    I LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Why are we even talking about Sailor Tift. We should be talking about Shania. Shania Twain is global. She sold five zillion albums and even more concert tickets. Sailor can’t even compare to Shania, because Shania Twain is global icon!!! Obviously, this reviewer just has no ideawhat a global icon Shania really is; otherwise he would be writing about Shaniainstead of Sailor. He’s just jealous of Shania Twain’s wealth and influence. In fact, the whole world is jealous of Shania’s wealth and influence. Oh yeah, don’t forget, Shania is a global icon and everyone should stop disrespecting her.

    –Leeann..er…Jake/Paul/George/Kenny/Sue…

  13. OMG Sailor u are my favorites this Song happened to me so i cAn totally relate!!!!!! except it always plays in the car when i’M driving w/ my bf and he’s so sick of it!! but i crank it cuz I LUV U GUYS!!!!!!! lol

  14. LOL ur stupid! Sailor writes about me and 4 me, so how can u critisize? Ur old, so go listen to ur Allen Jaxon or George Straight or whatever old people listen 2. As 4 me and my cru, we’re all about Sailor. She’s soooooo kewl and sooo real country!

  15. I’m one of the songwriters of “Blah Blah Blah” and I just wanted to give you guys some insight into what I was thinking when I wrote the song. I can’t speak for my 7 cowriters, but this song has a very personal meaning for me because it’s about a man I used to know who had the laryngitis and, although it didn’t kill him, it could have. So writing this song was a way for me to cope with the fact that he almost but didn’t quite die. So as you can see it has a very personal meaning for me. And I think it touches fans in a personal way, especially if they’ve had the laryngitis. So don’t criticize the song until you know the whole story.

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