One of the immutable laws of blogging is that any review critical of a mainstream act will eventually (often immediately) attract its share of nonsensical fan comments in defense of that act. Somehow, the very worst singers and groups usually seem to have the largest, most militant fanbases waiting to back them up at a moment’s notice.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to model ridiculous fan responses. Let’s say I’ve just written a scathing review of the new single, “Blah Blah Blah,” by a fictional pop-country boy band named Sailor Tift. (I don’t actually have to write such a review because real superfans wouldn’t read it anyway; they would just look at the star rating. Zero, by the way.) That’s your cue to defend Sailor Tift and their song in as many unconvincing ways as possible. If you need inspiration, peruse the comments on negative reviews at any blog that gets a decent amount of traffic (i.e. not here). Let’s see how long we can keep it going.
Bonus points for originality. Oh, and do try to keep it clean, please. I don’t want to have to censor pretend fan comments.
the audac1ty! how many hit sOngs have you writt3n?!?1? sailor’s music comes from her heart and is meant for the heart. if you can’t understand that, then i guess you just dont have one!!!
you…you, heartless meani3!!!
you liberal pinko city dwellers dont know what youre talking about because this song is about good COUNTRY people living in the COUNTRY… and we love it!!!
The best thing about Brody’s is that the “if you can’t understand that, then i guess you just dont have one!!!” was a quote from a super fan
the artist being defended – songwriter Chris Lindsey.
the superfan commenting – songwriter Chris Lindsey.
it’s true.
Sailor has more than 40 million people in their fan club. and radio plays this song a lot. how can it be bad?
This reviewer obviously doesn’t know anything. Sailor Tift is one of the bst new bands out there TODAY! They really care about the fan and make GREAT music! Instead of sitting here and writing INGORANT “reviews” that only TALK TRASH, why don’t you try to actually DO SOMETHING. Obvoiusly its because you don’t have any talent. if you don’t like Sailor Tift, just don’t listen to them. They don’t care about what CONCEITED, BITTER “critics” think anyway. They care about what their fans, yaknow, the people who actually like music, think about it. And we LOVE IT! YOU GO SAILOR TIFT, DON’T LISTEN TO THE HATERZZZZ!!!!!!!
obvously if u hate Sailor Tift u must hate AMERICA!!!
This ain’t no rag it’s a flag
And we don’t wear it on our heads
It’s a symbol of the land where the good guys live
Are you listening to what I said
You’re a coward and a fool
And you broke all of the rules
And you wounded our American pride
And now we’re coming with a gun
And we know you’re gonna run
But you can’t find no place to hide
We’re gonna hunt you down like a mad dog hound
Make you pay for the lives you stole
We’re all through talking and a messing around
And now it’s time to rock and roll
These colors don’t run and we’re speaking as one
When we say united we stand
When you mess with one, you mess with us all
Every boy, girl, woman and man
You’ve been acting mighty rash
And talking that trash
Let me give you some advice
You can crawl back in your hole
Like a dirty little mole
But now you’re gonna pay the price
You might of shot us in the back
Now you have to face the fact
That the big boys’ in the game
And the lightning’s been flashing
And the thunder’s been crashing
And now it’s getting ready to rain
This is the United States of America
The land of the brave and the free
We believe in God and we believe in justice
We believe in liberty
You’ve been pulling our chain
We should’ve done something ’bout you a long time ago
But now the flag’s flying high and the fur’s gonna fly
And soon the whole world’s gonna know
This ain’t no rag, it’s a flag
Old Glory red, white and blue
The stars and the stripes when it comes to a fight
We can do what we have to do
Our people stand proud
The American crowd is faithful, loyal and tough
We’re good as the best and better than the rest
And you’re gonna find out soon enough
When you look up in the sky
And you see the eagle fly
You better know he’s a heading your way
Cause this ain’t no rag it’s a flag
And it stands for the USA
USA
USA
USA
This is the United States of America
The land of the brave and the free
We believe in God and we believe in justice
We believe in liberty
You’ve been pulling our chain
We should’ve done something ’bout you a long time ago
But now the flag’s flying high and the fur’s gonna fly
And soon the whole world’s gonna know
Are we talkin’ about Saylor Tift here or Buddy Jewel?:)
Sailor Tift is a combination of every country music act with over-the-top fans.
God help me I just got the whole “Sailor Tift” thing.
I was sitting here thinking, what a kooky name to come up with out of nowhere.
I think I have mad-cow disease.
How can I get a hold of Saylor Tift? She means so much to me.
–Leeann
i so glad that they did a music video in my hometown i saw my friends in the video.
I LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are we even talking about Sailor Tift. We should be talking about Shania. Shania Twain is global. She sold five zillion albums and even more concert tickets. Sailor can’t even compare to Shania, because Shania Twain is global icon!!! Obviously, this reviewer just has no ideawhat a global icon Shania really is; otherwise he would be writing about Shaniainstead of Sailor. He’s just jealous of Shania Twain’s wealth and influence. In fact, the whole world is jealous of Shania’s wealth and influence. Oh yeah, don’t forget, Shania is a global icon and everyone should stop disrespecting her.
–Leeann..er…Jake/Paul/George/Kenny/Sue…
OMG Sailor u are my favorites this Song happened to me so i cAn totally relate!!!!!! except it always plays in the car when i’M driving w/ my bf and he’s so sick of it!! but i crank it cuz I LUV U GUYS!!!!!!! lol
LOL ur stupid! Sailor writes about me and 4 me, so how can u critisize? Ur old, so go listen to ur Allen Jaxon or George Straight or whatever old people listen 2. As 4 me and my cru, we’re all about Sailor. She’s soooooo kewl and sooo real country!
I’m one of the songwriters of “Blah Blah Blah” and I just wanted to give you guys some insight into what I was thinking when I wrote the song. I can’t speak for my 7 cowriters, but this song has a very personal meaning for me because it’s about a man I used to know who had the laryngitis and, although it didn’t kill him, it could have. So writing this song was a way for me to cope with the fact that he almost but didn’t quite die. So as you can see it has a very personal meaning for me. And I think it touches fans in a personal way, especially if they’ve had the laryngitis. So don’t criticize the song until you know the whole story.