CDC Warns of Brantley Gilbert Infections

  

The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has posted an urgent bulletin to its website warning of a fast-spreading new viral infection and offering treatment tips for those already exposed.

Typically contracted while swimming in mudholes located off of old dirt roads, fooling around in contaminated truck beds after long days of drinking beer lakeside, or bumping fists with skeezy up-and-coming country-rock singers, the Brantley Gilbert Virus could affect as many 100,000 people by year’s end. The young, naive, and musically malnourished are particularly susceptible.

As with most viral outbreaks of this sort, early detection is key to successful treatment. Sufferers can be identified by their enthusiastic embrace of backwoods cliches, impaired spelling skills, misidentification of raspy poseurism as “singing GREAT!!!,” and irrational hatred of Jason Aldean. Diagnosis is easiest online, where clear signs of affliction by the Brantley Gilbert Virus show up all over forums and blog comment threads. Nobody has ever met a Brantley Gilbert fan (sufferer) in person.

The CDC advises that anyone exhibiting symptoms should contact a qualified physician for treatment. Most cases can be handled by a simple series of antivirals and vintage Merle Haggard recordings, but extreme cases might also require Engine 145 and Jamey Johnson’s Guitar Song on vinyl.

Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

Comments

  1. says

    I’m sure a bunch of sufferers will soon be showing up in this comment thread. Don’t worry about me – I have natural immunity.

  2. Tashia says

    Well I must be a sufferer& very proud of it! hes never claimed to be country or rock they just do what comes natural to them& if you don’t like it you can kiss their ass.

  3. Jess says

    LOl I got the disease and proud of it. ;). I plan to continue spreading the disease. But good luck getting a hold of The treatment seeing as how they are all nearing death

  4. Jess says

    I take it your just jealous cause you werent the one that started it. HEll I’d love to have a disease named after me. Good or bad. Least they would be talking about me. And I am proud to claim I’m a white trash redneck that can’t spell.

  5. says

    Wow….the person/people who done this must have been extremely bored. Even if your a BG hater, reallly? Seriously? Come on, get a life. You obviously need one to waste time on typing and posting all of this on the net. Haha. Honestly, I think its funny. I love Brantley Gilbert and I am a fan(even a sufferer of this mad BG virus disease lol) of his music and such. He seems to be a great person with a good singing voice and a damn good taste in music.

    Rock on Brantley!

  6. Jami (Oklahoma redneck girl) says

    I will proudly die with the brantley gilbert virus!! Rock on baby I’d rather watch u anyway!!!!

    • Aikou says

      Hmm I rather die from a Rob Walker virus or Terri Clark virus or a combination of the two to be honest. Just my opinion

  7. Melissa Puryear says

    I’m infected and VERY contagious! The only problem I have with the disease is that BG didn’t give it to me personally! ;) BG Nation!

    • Aikou says

      I am immune to the very contagious and deadly Brantley Gilbert virus due to the Rob Walker virus. The RW virus gives me immunity to BG virus.

      In fact the RW virus protects me from the side effects that the BG virus cause so I must thank Rob Walker for giving me this virus.

      Thank you Rob Walker

  8. Maria says

    Let me just say to the idiot that created this foolishness: Brantley Gilbert is an AMAZiNG person / artist! And as for yourself you are obviously ignorant & jealous of him! But like I tell all the HATERS he’s here to stay regardless if you like it or not, your bound to hear him on your tv & on your radio! So my advise to you is to shelter yourself & live under a damn rock, bc there is no escaping the “disease”!! Your bound to get infected!!!!!! :). Get over it!

    • Aikou says

      “….Brantley Gilbert is an AMAZiNG person / artist!…..”

      So you’re telling me Maria that you actually met Brantley and known him his entire life? That you know every single detail about Brantley. Who is is? Whats he like of the stage? Whether or not he likes to play video games in his spare time?

      • Kayla says

        So Aikou, youre telling me that you have actually met Terri Clark ,Rob Walker. Doug Walker, Lewis Lovhaug, Noah Antweiler, Brad Jones and James Rolfe and have known them their entire life? Hmmm dont think so..but you sure were quick to say you have their “virus” or whatever you wanna call it. I have indeed met and hung with Brantley a few times and he is a very nice guy. How many fans have actually met and known their “idols” (singers/actors/athletes ect) their whole life??? NEXT TO NONE…which is what makes them FANS and not FRIENDS. Seriously sweetie GET A CLUE! where are you from? Your comments make you seem like you have been living under a dang rock. I am a Texas girl and I can tell you I have heard all genres of music…not say that i am fond of all of them but I appreciate the different music for what it is. This post is ridiculous & Half of these comments are ridiculous…(most of which seem to be from you) If this post was about ANY other artist there would be SEVERAL comments just like those from us BG fans. And how many country singers sing about swimming in mudholes located off of old dirt roads, fooling around in contaminated truck beds after long days of drinking beer lakeside??? Brantley dont…and i cant recall one that does…yea country singers may sing about drinkin at the lake…tailgating, swimmin in mud holes..but nothing directly listed here…and if you remember… jason aldean AND colt ford also sing dirt road anthem…either way this post could be insulting to damn near every country musician. And the fact that you are SO amused by this post shows how much of a life you have. Everyone here either knows who Brantley Gilbert is or looked him up from somehow coming across this post. I GUARANTEE you that 1 or more new fans have come out of this post. So CM you may think that you were hurting him..but there are some NORMAL people out there who saw this…didnt know who he was..looked him up and enjoyed his music. So i think i speak for all of BG NATION when i say THANK YOU! :) You are entitled to your opinion, you dont like him so be it, but posting immature stuff like this really makes you look pathetic dear. Remember theres more of us in BG NATION than there are of you :)

        • Aikou says

          Actually I met Terri Clark at her concerts or at a fcp. 6 times

          ….and it’s cause of amusing posts like this that I’m being a little snarky in my replies. So keep up the good job amusing us all :)

              • kayla says

                Ok then, you are completely contradicting. how can you say anything about someone saying he’s talented and a great person when you feel the same about those you idolize?

                • Aikou says

                  At least I’m not getting all butthurt over a satirical article and resorting to insulting other people here

        • says

          I am a Texas girl

          With all the great music coming out of our fine state you still listen to such crap? You oughta be ashamed. Buy you some Rodney Crowell, Radney Foster, Jason Boland, or Hayes Carll.

          • kayla says

            Listen to what crap? Brantley Gilbert is a very talented man.talented enuf that 3 different artists have covered his music, and he’s almost made #1 on the music chart. Within a month. His 2nd album became #1 on the itunes charts right after release as well…& Jason boland autograph my boot right next to BG its not like us bg fans ONLY listen to bg…

            • Ryan Roberts says

              Thank You Kayla !

              Guys like Trailer over at Farce The Music , Triggerman at Saving Country Music and CM Wilcox need to get a clue.

              That is all….

            • Gator says

              If you are going to attempt to make a redeeming argument, that you can’t win, it might be a good idea to know how to spell… Just saying.

            • says

              .talented enuf that 3 different artists have covered his music

              How many people cover your songs isn’t an indicator of talent. I listen to a lot of songs from hugely talented bands, songs that haven’t been covered by anyone to my knowledge. And if I’d had hacks like Colt Ford and Jason Aldean that’d be a sign to me that it was time to pack it in and go home.

              Same goes for Mr. Gilbert’s “music” getting so high on the charts. There’s been a ton of abject crap that’s made it to No. 1.

  9. Zack says

    Wow people in this world are really getting pathetic. I wish I got paid the money this guy did to do a poorly written fake ass advertisement. I would love to know how he is a poser first off. Second of all, we don’t “hate” Jason Aldean, we just believe Brantley sings HIS songs better. Lastly, who cares if he has a raspy voice? It’s not the voice that makes the songs, it’s the fact they come from the heart. Oh one more thing. How is this for “impaired spelling skills” you dumbasses?

  10. says

    I am very offended by this stupid article I hope Brantley
    Gilbert sues your butt off!! I am a very huge BG
    Fan all the way!!!! Keep it up Brantley we love you
    Down here in Mobile, Al !!!!

  11. says

    You get paid for this, CM? I must be doing something wrong.

    Way to have your finger on the pulse of young impressionable “music” fans.

    • says

      If someone wants to pay me for doing this, do get in touch. I can be bought and sold rather easily.

      I’m still not convinced that Brantley Gilbert fans exist in real life.

      • Kayla-->PROUDLY INFECTED! :) says

        your not convinced that we exist in real life? what exactly do you mean by that dear?

      • Cassie says

        Well we do exist so get over it, just because you think you’re some pretty boy from out in california . Doesn’t mean that here in the south BG fans dont exist. I highly advise that if you haven’t lived his life then dont say crap about him (:. thanks for understanding.
        <3 a proud southern BG fan

  12. Kayla-->PROUDLY INFECTED! :) says

    @ben. yes there are gonna be a lot of brantley gilbert fans post on this thread. just to make sure you all know how stupid you are! &&& I must say I am GLAD to have the Brantley Gilbert Virus! and all of us infected are VERY VERY contagious…why else would you be writing about us. This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of though for real! i also think its HILARIOUS that someone put forth this much time and effort to create a post about a “disease” and make up symptoms and all that. word of advice…use your time and knowledge for something productive..idk maybe get a job, go to school..whatever it is that you are NOT doin that is allowing you so much time to do such stupid things. And i have met several brantley gilbert fans..actually..like brantley says “country must be country wide” and hes right whether you’re a Brantley Fan or not…Brantleys still on your brain :) Now that I have said what I need to say…and you have gotten to sit behind your computer and laugh it up….i will end my comment…just remember you cant discourage us! :) Thank you for gettin his name out there even more! :)

  13. rachel says

    Really!?!? Are you hiding under a rock? Bg nation is everywhere! Obviously he has a large fan base, otherwise you would not even know his name and be writing about him. You are allowed to feel how you feel and write what you want and like whatever music you like, but there is no reason to hate!

    • Jess says

      I must say that’s a bit of a contradiction. But I know What your saying. Hey, let them hate cause by him writing this article he is just spreading the word of Brantley aka the disease. Ppl will go kon him up and most will probably love him. Country music or not his songs are real life. They speak of heart break, love, fighting, hate, shit talkers, and everything in between. Brantley don’t care if ppl talk bad I’m sure. You can’t make everyone like you no matter how hard you try. This guy just gets enjoyment out of getting other ppl fired up.

  14. Jessica Rice says

    1st point…Jamey Johnson recently pulled Brantley Gilbert up on stage with him during the Willy Nelson Country Throwdown tour & sang a song with him so it’s hilarious you want to use Jamey’s album as a “cure” since Jamey seems to find nothing wrong with Brantley. Then again you probably didn’t know that happened because it would take the slightest bit of intelligence to find that out. Which you obviously don’t have. 2nd point: This article is written by someone in Cali? Probably Hollywood, where you all have fake…well, everything. So you wouldn’t know anything about, or understand country life. 3rd point: You’ve never met a Brantley Gilbert fan in real life? Probably because you spend all your time on the computer in the basement of your moms house, where you live, writing these articles to get whatever attention you can get from them, because it’s the only type of attention you get. 4th point: You’re nothing but a person who hates on other people who are gaining success in their lives because it reminds you of all the failures in your own life. 5th point: You’re a douche.

    • Aikou says

      You do realized not everybody in California lives in Hollywood right?

      I’ll take a guess right now and say San Leandro.

        • Jess says

          SOrry all us dumb hicks know about California is hollywood. Ain’t you never seen that show The Beverly hillbillys?! Geez…..we ain’t that smart don’t give us that much credit.

        • Aikou says

          I didn’t even noticed she spelled Willie’s name wrong until it was pointed out here….

          ….to some of the BG fans here its Willie Nelson….not Willy….thank you.

    • ripplek says

      Not only did he spell Willie wrong, but isn’t it funny that he basically eluded to the fact that he is a Jason Aldean wanna be? The song that put Jason Aldean on top was written by….Brantley Glibert and Colt Ford lol! I will never understand why people love to spend time writing an article about someone they claim to dislike. It is bassakwards!! Usually when I don’t care for something I just avoid it and I for sure would not write a article to give the subject more public hype. Love BG and think it has been a long time since we have heard “real” country music from a new artist.

  15. Jessica Rice says

    Oh…and watch out darlin I’m gonna for you…I’m as infected as anyone could be. I can feel it running in my blood…damn it feels good!!!!! Have a great night & God Bless :)

  16. Rick says

    Wow C.M., you really hit the nail on the head with this one! You’ve apparently just scratched the surface of a huge, lingering malignancy on the unseemly underbelly of the “faux outlaw craptastic country” movement! I guess getting drunk (or stoned) and behaving badly while listening to really trashy music is far more addictive and destructive than even the Texas Red Dirt scene had led me to believe! I had no idea the intentional dumbing down of America by teacher’s unions and liberal administrators would ever lead to such a musical calamity! My heart weeps for the future of America…

  17. Aikou says

    To all the BG fans here: Sadly I do not have the BG virus…instead I have the:

    CM Virus! I got it after coming to this site the very first day and love this place ever since.

    Man reading all the comments here are amusing. Rabid fans cracks me up

  18. camille says

    If BG is illness I pray I never get better! Proud G.R.I.T.S right here baby! Better to be myself then a [redacted] making up words from Cali…. just sayin! My Rebel flag flies proudly! CAN I GET HELL YEAH!

  19. Shelby Messer says

    I guess I’m infected & damn proud of it! Its really sad & pathetic that someone has this much time on their hands to come up with all this bull***t. Get a f***ing life. & I’m sure all Brantley fans can agree with me that most of us have been following his music for years and we will stick by Brantley no matter what. All the BG haters can KISS OUR COUNTRY ASS!

      • Jess says

        So sir, I would love to know just what kind of music is it that not listen to?
        IS it the kind that talks about getting shot 9 times while selling drugs on the street cause daddy was in prison and mom was addicted to crack? Is It the kind about rims, all the money you have, and all the hoes you catch stds from? Is it the I hate my life cause dad beat my mom and left when I was 2, or I hate The world and everyone in it? Or is it the kind of music about going to clubs and doing x? I mean I sure would love to know.

        Cause the kind of music I listen to has nothing to d o with the genre its in and everything to do with how that music connects and relates to me and my emotions/mood. It has to do with if I enjoy the sound of it. I listen to everything from elton john, bryan Adams, and beach boys to metallica, disturbed, marilyn manson, and many many more. Why limit yourself? But Brantley Gilbert has talent whether you refuse to accept it or not.
        I ain’t one bit of mad about yall downing him. As yall get enjoyment out of ppl getting mad, I get enjoyment out of it too cause like yall I have no life other than nursing school. Drama yall like drama, hmmm that means you def must listen to pop music like lady Gaga and kanye.

        • Aikou says

          One. I am female

          Two. I also listen to country as well as other genres too(actually most of the stuff in my itunes is country but nonetheless I listen to anything that sounds good) Why my favorite country singer is the very talented Terri Clark.

          ..

          • Jess says

            I like terri Clark but I don’t think she is that great. But I don’t go around bad mouthing her. Cause in everything you see as bad there is almost at least 1 good. You may not like Brantleys music but he seems to have a good heart. He went to st Judes and shaved his head hung out with a lil kid who really wanted to meet him.

        • says

          Why limit yourself?

          Ahem. Who are you to say any of us limit ourselves? Just because we don’t care for your favorite artist doesn’t mean we only like a very small amount of music that all sounds the same. I have Queensryche’s Operation: Mindcrime and Metallica’s Ride the Lightning sandwiched between George Strait’s One Step At A Time and Cross Canadian Ragweed’s self-titled purple album in my iTunes. So I’ll put my musical taste up against you and anyone else in the herd.

    • Aikou says

      Im am infected too Melissa…….

      ,,,,,,,,,,.that is with the Terri Clark virus. Rob Walker virus. Doug Walker virus. Lewis Lovhaug virus Noah Antweiler virus. Brad Jones virus and James Rolfe virus. Oh and the C.M virus as well as I love this site

      *looks through list* Hmm yeah…thats what I though I have no such thing as a BG virus…..sorry for raising your hope up. Now if you excuse me I’m going to continue to be amused by the comments that you rabid fans post…..

  20. says

    Brantley Gilbert fans are the new Carrie Nation, except I’ve actually met Carrie fans in real life. As always, the fake news is good, but the comments are even better.

    P.S. All hatred of Jason Aldean is rational. Fact.

  21. Jess says

    So sir, I would love to know just what kind of music is it that not listen to?
    IS it the kind that talks about getting shot 9 times while selling drugs on the street cause daddy was in prison and mom was addicted to crack? Is It the kind about rims, all the money you have, and all the hoes you catch stds from? Is it the I hate my life cause dad beat my mom and left when I was 2, or I hate The world and everyone in it? Or is it the kind of music about going to clubs and doing x? I mean I sure would love to know.

    Cause the kind of music I listen to has nothing to d o with the genre its in and everything to do with how that music connects and relates to me and my emotions/mood. It has to do with if I enjoy the sound of it. I listen to everything from elton john, bryan Adams, and beach boys to metallica, disturbed, marilyn manson, and many many more. Why limit yourself? But Brantley Gilbert has talent whether you refuse to accept it or not.
    I ain’t one bit of mad about yall downing him. As yall get enjoyment out of ppl getting mad, I get enjoyment out of it too cause like yall I have no life other than nursing school. Drama yall like drama, hmmm that means you def must listen to pop music like lady Gaga and kanye. Nothing bad about lady Gaga, though, I don’t listen to her but the girl has talent and she ain’t afraid to stand out.

    As for Jason aldean hatred. I have none. I enjoy songs he cuts. I just wish he could write some songs. I wish he was less of a studio creation.

  22. Chelsea says

    Ok first off whoever wrote this and whoever agrees with is is an idiot! I am an extreme BG fan and BG is one of the most genuine, real people i have ever meet! How you ever known an artist that writes every single one of his songs!? He’s 26 and written 300+ songs and having Jason Aldean cover his songs was a huge honor of Brantley’s. He’s selling out shows all over the US. And was the #1 demanded artist in the nation a couple months back! So attend a show and you’ll see thousands of true BG fans! He was performing in venues before he was even old enough to get in. Who gives a shit if his style of partying is by a bonfire or on a dirt road!? We southern people appreciate our roots and where we come from, and BG would say the same thing! BG is an amazing artist and songwriter and is gonna make it big! So get ready for it!! And shove that “Brantley Gilbert virus” up your ass!

    • says

      I realize I’m being a wee bit pedantic here, but I have got to say it’s rich how all of the accusations of stupidity are coming from gals who cannot even string together a semi-coherent sentence, let alone tell the difference between plural and possessive (“your stupid” must be a cosmic law) or use words longer than two syllables correctly. Bless your little hearts.

      • Jess says

        Some of us are also using “smart phones” and the other redneck half of us just don’t give a ****. Seeins how last I gathered this is an internet blog site, essentially, not high school English. ;). But if you like I will cross my I’s and dot my T’s. Forgive me, I missed many days of school while I helped the family in the fields.

        • says

          Why am I completely unsurprised that a) your parents didn’t like you enough to ensure you got a proper education and b) you never made it beyond high school English class? Bottom line, honey, is this: if you’re going to insult someone’s intelligence, it’s incumbent upon you to not make yourself look like a total lackwit while doing so. Otherwise you merely reinforce the point of the article. Now, take yourself back to Tumblr, where spelling obviously isn’t valued. Oh, but stop here first.

      • kayla says

        Sabra…I can guarantee that I’m smarter than you could ever be. How I choose to type on an internet blog site about a “country artist virus” (which is COMPLETELY idiotic in itself) is my own business. At least us “gals” can speak our mind. If the rest of America was as outspoken and used their knowledge on better things than spelling correctly on a blog, such as we do, we would be in a better boat. However, America is being wasted away due to people NOT using their knowledge on things that matter! (“brantley Gilbert virus and the like are prime examples of this stupid behavior.)

        • Aikou says

          Kayla….I am amused at yours and the other posts made by rabid fans.

          Resorting to insulting one’s intelligence…I don’t do that you know I would never do that

        • says

          I can guarantee that I’m smarter than you could ever be.

          I speak as her husband, but I’m still not afraid to tell you that you have no idea of just how wrong you are. And you furnish objective proof of it too, with your assertion that how you choose to type on a blog is your own business. Would smart people make a conscious decision to look like the Internet equivalent of monkeys flinging crap at the zoo? I think not.

          If the rest of America was as outspoken

          Oh, they are. People everywhere know everything about everything, their mothers told them so and they’re not afraid of telling the world about it.

  23. Amanda says

    I’m not a hater on any other type of music, or your distaste for Brantley Gilbert. I do however think this post is extremely pathetic. BG devoted his life to music after a bad car accident, he is doing SO very well for himself and how dare you try to take away from that because you don’t like him. He is very talented whether you like him or not! A virus? Really?!?! If so.. I am extremely proud to be infected with the “BG virus”… I am a fan of a very talented artist.. as well as many other artists.. please get over yourself. Grow up? Please?

  24. Adam says

    Amusing article! It’s funny how people take a blog in “Fake News” so seriously. It’s like a country version of Cracked or Mad magazine! I like a couple of BG songs, but I appreciate a well-written parody as well! Keep up the great work!

  25. Brantley Gilbert & Jason Aldean Suck says

    Never give white trash a computer—the result will be 85% of these replies.

  26. Stephanie ---- aka I wish people would get a life says

    “Comment Policy: Just don’t be too big of a jerk, okay? It’s a pretty simple rule.” Ha. Apparently nobody read this disclaimer and apparently the writer of the “fake” article didn’t adhere by the “policy” either. People that sit and criticize the rebuttals of this fictitious article really need to evaluate their way of thinking. It is fake news, but the truth is any fan of Brantley Gilbert is a die hard fan, if you want to call that an infection then yeah I guess we all have it. I personally do not like being labeled “infected” because it holds a negative connotation (oh and for those of you who don’t know what that means, you can look it up at dictionary.com). Back us into a corner and we’ll come out swinging, we don’t criticize any one for what they love, so please show the common decency and return the favor. Oh and by the way, “Hating is the easy way out. Those who hate you have a reason, they lack integrity, personality and the ability to be you.”
    Peace!

  27. says

    Skip a day of online browsing for real life and I miss all the fun. No fair.

    P.S. This sentence is brilliant: “The young, naive, and musically malnourished are particularly susceptible.”

    • Aikou says

      I knew it was a fake article and a very funny one at that. I just couldn’t help but reply to some of the comments here

    • says

      Y’know, I don’t have the first clue who the hell Brantley Gilbert is, to be quite honest, but the gals getting all butthurt over what I thought was only a vaguely amusing article are freaking hilarious. They’re the ones making this entry.

      • ChurchsChicken says

        I agree with Sabra. The “fake article” itself was amusing, but the true joy of Country California is when commenters get all riled up over the fact that someone poked fun of their beloved artist.

  28. Gator says

    Whatever happened to being innovative? BG just stands by stupid cliches and no musical indifference from many people who came before him. I know many don’t like what people like Shania Twain did, but she was at least being a true, innovative artist, a phrase BG will never be able to stake claim to.

    • says

      I…I can’t tell if he’s got a decent voice or not. What on Earth was going on in that song? Besides a cavalcade of cliches, I mean. I don’t get the point of shoveling on so much post-processing (Autotune? Is that what it sounds like when they overdo it?) you can’t even tell a human’s singing. I mean, he might actually be good (well, with better material) but I just don’t know. Ah well, at least the lyrics go a long way to explaining the mentality of the fans.

      • badrockandroll says

        Oh my!

        A few days late, so I scooted to the bottom & lasted for exactly 4 seconds of the noise that C.M Wilcox embedded. And because I am a masochist and because I believe that you just cannot objectify women enough in music videos, I endured about 30 seconds of something called G.R.I.T.S.

        Dreadful stuff. (And remember, what you call country music, is just bad rock and roll to me).

      • Zack says

        And Sabra, just so you know. There is little if any autotune in this song, us country folks dont need that T-Pain shit you city people need. Educate yourself before you hate, hear him live and tell me theres autotune again. You fail.

    • says

      To paraphrase the great philosopher Hank Hill, “Can’t you see you’re not making country better; you’re just making rock and roll worse?”

  29. Paul says

    Whoever wrote this is a f**king douchebag. His album ‘Halfway to Heaven’ is one of the best country albums I have ever heard..and I just saw him in concert last night and he sounded awesome. 1,100,000 fans and counting and his career is just starting…we can’t be wrong, this guy is going to the top!!

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