Little Jimmy Dickens Wins National Recycling Award

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Congratulations to Opry legend Little Jimmy Dickens, who was recently recognized by environmental nonprofit Conservation America for his groundbreaking efforts in the field of humor recycling. Dickens, who first joined the Opry in 1948, has been poking fun at his own short stature and advancing age longer than many of the Opry's recent additions have been alive. "It's an honor to be here. In fact, it's an honor to be anywhere," said Dickens after shuffling onstage at the Conservation America … [Read more...]

Texas Band Proclaims Love of Their Home State in Song

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A new band out of New Braunfels, Texas, is proud of their home state and they are not ashamed to let the world know. The DeWayne Tillis Band's debut digital single "Texas in My Veins" is an anthem to the Lone Star State that lets us all in on what's going down in the little-known, rarely mentioned home of such things as "Shiner," "Ray Wylie" and "bluebonnets." The song, a catchy assimilation of country and rock that sounds vaguely like Steve Earle fronting Lynyrd Skynyrd, is a mash note to … [Read more...]

Hasbro Announces Scotty McCreery Recall

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In a press conference held outside its Rhode Island headquarters on Monday, multinational toymaker Hasbro announced a recall of recent "American Idol" winner Scotty McCreery, which it characterized as a "failed animatronic experiment" released into the world too early in its development cycle. "We would like to apologize to our fans and stockholders for our error in judgment in pushing Project SCMC17, known colloquially and to viewers of FOX's 'American Idol' as Scotty McCreery, out to market … [Read more...]

Country Singers Confused About Patriotic Single Releases in Wake of Bin Laden Killing

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Several well-known country singers have expressed a sense of befuddlement about their course of action after the recent killing of Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. "Normally, I'd have three or four situation-appropriate patriotic singles I could rush to radio –- and I do, don't get me wrong –- but we get into a conundrum here based on the party affiliation of the current President," said one noted hitmaker who wished to remain anonymous. "I've got one in the can called 'We Got Our Man' … [Read more...]

Local Man Arrested for Jukebox Assault

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Local bowler and country music fan Reginald Spears, 46, has been arrested for destruction of property at an area bowling alley. Last Saturday at 9:15 PM, Spears was taken into custody for destroying the facility's jukebox with his 17 pound black-speckled Brunswick ball. Released on bail, Mr. Spears sat down and spoke with FNN correspondent Trailer about the events that had transpired on the previous Saturday. "Well, it goes like this," started Spears. "I was about to bowl my first 300 … [Read more...]

Shocking Williams Family Secret Revealed

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Real news has taken precedence here of late, but Fake News ain't dead. Here's a contribution from old The 9513 pal and evil genius Sam Gazdziak. Thanks, Sam! Nashville is reeling from the surprising discovery that legendary country music star Hank Williams Jr. was actually the second country singer in his family. As it turns out, Hank Jr.'s father recorded several country songs in the 1940s and '50s. The news began spreading around Nashville after Jason Aldean did some research on … [Read more...]

Friends Concerned John Rich Is Ruining His Reputation

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During singer John Rich's run on NBC's Celebrity Apprentice, several Nashville area friends of John Rich have begun voicing their concerns as to his well-being. His mental state, morality and general health have been called into question due to his "potentially reputation-ruining" appearance on the popular show. "I'm really worried about him," said his pint-sized buddy Two-Foot Fred. "He's just not himself since he got on that show…. where's the Cowboy Stevie Wonder we all know and uh, … [Read more...]