Facebook Fans of Local Radio Station Perpetually Confused

Confused

According to a new study out of Auburn University, there is no better place to witness mass hysteria and confusion than in the comment sections on your local country radio station's Facebook page. "We initially thought riots, natural disasters, Black Friday sales, and advanced algebra classes would prove the most fertile ground for our work," writes confusion researcher Paul Sheener, "but we kept coming back around to those damned people on the Facebook page of [your local station's call … [Read more...]

Rhonda Vincent Admitted to Hospital After Living on Biscuits for Past 14 Years

Rhonda Vincent

Bluegrass phenom Rhonda Vincent, a seven-time IBMA Female Vocalist of the Year, was admitted to a hospital with scurvy today after apparently subsisting solely on biscuits since 2000. When she signed a sponsorship deal with the Martha White flour company at the turn of the millennium, Vincent reportedly did not understand that the company intended to pay her only in free product for the duration of her professional life. But the singer's Midwestern ethos of letting nothing go to waste kicked … [Read more...]

Florida Georgia Line Pause Tour to Teach Women’s Studies Course

Florida-Georgia-Line

Florida Georgia Line's Double Douche Tour is going on a temporary hiatus as duo members Tyler Hubbard and Brian Kelley seize an opportunity to co-teach a women's studies course at Sarah Lawrence College. "There was little question when I started writing songs with Brian about sweet little country gals shaking it on tailgates that where I really ultimately wanted to end up was somewhere in the sanctified halls of academia," says Hubbard, pointing to his non-gender-conforming hairstyle as evidence … [Read more...]

New Eric Church Album Amazing, Reports Eric Church

Eric Church Outsiders

Country singer Eric Church's new album The Outsiders is an outstanding artistic achievement such as the world has not seen in eons, reports country singer Eric Church. In a review posted on EricChurch.com, Eric Church says that the new album by Eric Church is "face-meltingly, revolutionarily good" and "obviously the product of a master craftsman of song." Church also complimented Church on his bold, convention-flouting decision to take a chance on rock producer Jay Joyce, who Church similarly … [Read more...]

Denim Shortage Brings Country Music Industry to Screeching Halt

Denim

An international denim shortage is hitting the country music community especially hard, with sources on Nashville's Music Row calling this "our Armageddon" and "even worse than when they renamed Fan Fair." While global trade and economics experts are unsure how this situation came to pass - many are even doubtful that such a thing is possible except as a far-fetched premise for a piece of satirical news - the repercussions of the denim drought can be felt everywhere. Among country music's … [Read more...]

Heavyset Guy With Unruly Beard Makes Good Music

unruly beard

According to industry sources, a heavyset man with an unruly beard has been making especially good music lately but may face an uphill climb at mainstream country radio stations. The man, who crafts his own songs with all the care of a master beard groomer, is being widely credited with putting "substance ahead of style" in what sources claim is intended as a compliment to his music rather than an insult to his larger build and markedly unstylish appearance. Although the singer had not … [Read more...]

Country DJ Pats Self on Back for Playing “Follow Your Arrow”

Kacey Musgraves

Sources report that Detroit air personality Charlie Chatterson has become insufferable since spinning Kacey Musgraves' "Follow Your Arrow" for the first time on Friday. "Ever since he played that song, it's like he thinks he's Hunter S. Thompson or Julian Assange or something," complained one fellow broadcaster. "He's always looking over his shoulder and talking about how he's sure the higher-ups are conspiring to blacklist him, but doesn't give a rip." "He says broadcasters can be … [Read more...]