Tip of the hat to RolandNote for compiling the truths on which these lies are based.

2008 – Hobos don’t wear glasses: Zac Brown undergoes Lasik eye surgery in Atlanta.

2006 – After getting married four times in four months, Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson both file for divorce in the span of an hour. Rock goes on to use the common experience of having been married to an international sex symbol to help him relate to everyday folk in his career as a country music singer.

2004 – A British survey ranks “The Dukes Of Hazzard” as one of the 10 worst TV shows exported from the United States. Distracted by the British accent, America misses the entire point of the article, thanks Britain very kindly, and resumes putting the finishing touches on a movie remake featuring Willie Nelson and Jessica Simpson.

2003 – Montgomery Gentry performs the national anthem as the Kentucky Wildcats host the Tennessee Volunteers in a game at Commonwealth Stadium. In a misunderstanding that should have served as a warning sign, Troy Gentry shows up with a sniper rifle, hoping to bag one of the wildcats locked inside the stadium.

2003 – Lost Highway releases the 5-CD Johnny Cash set Unearthed, advertised as containing Cash’s final recordings. Controversially, the set is released without the consent of John Rich.

2002 – People magazine names Kenny Chesney country music’s sexiest male, lowering the bar for country music, sexiness, and maleness in one deft move.

1998 – The video for Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much” debuts on CMT, prompting sudden uptick in number of heat strokes as country fans head for the desert in their leopard-print coats.

1995 – Martina McBride joins the Grand Ole Opry; shocks audience by biting head off of dove onstage.

1991 – Porter Wagoner serves as grand marshal of the Nashville Christmas Parade, with his flashy rhinestone suit doubling as that year’s tree-lighting ceremony.

1991 – The Judds appear on the cover of TV Guide promoting the first of their 34 farewell tours.

1985 – After appearing in that year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Janie Fricke becomes stranded atop the turkey float for nearly an hour as she waits for organizers to retrieve her. She spends the time working up new seasonal hits like “It Ain’t Easy Bein’ Poultry” and “Don’t Worry ‘Bout the Gravy.”

1984 – A strand of blinking Christmas lights woven festively through his miniature afro, Conway Twitty serves as grand marshal of the Nashville Christmas Parade.

1980 – Moved to tears by a chance encounter with a preternaturally furry-faced five-year-old Jamey Johnson, Oak Ridge Boy William Lee Golden decides to stop trimming his beard.

1975 – Mindy McCready born in Fort Myers, Florida, needing every last one of those ten thousand angels.

1970 – Loretta Lynn records Carrie Underwood’s “You’re Lookin’ At Country” in a session at Bradley’s Barn.

1970 – Elvis Presley starts Christmas shopping in Memphis, buying $20,000 worth of guns in three days. Thirty years later, Martina McBride – also wearing a white jumpsuit – embarks on a similar holiday shopping spree with proceeds from sunny singles “Happy Girl” and “I Love You.”

1964 – Willie Nelson makes his Grand Ole Opry debut.

1951 – The Maddox Brothers & Rose sign with Columbia Records. Rose lets out a delighted cackle.

1946 – At the Columbia Studios in Hollywood, Johnny Bond records “So Round, So Firm, So Fully Packed.” Dolly Parton is just 11 months old at the time.

1943 – Decca releases Ernest Tubb’s “Hit Me Baby Try Me One More Time”

1927 – Ferlin Husky born in Flat River, Missouri. Emerges doing distinctive “Wings of a Dove” hand clap.

1925 – “The WSM Barn Dance” (later renamed the Grand Ole Opry) begins broadcasting in Nashville, with one-hour performances by Uncle Jimmy Thompson and Uncle Kracker.

1736 – The first documented fiddling contest in the U.S. takes place in Hanover County, Virginia. The winner gets a meet-and-greet with Taylor Swift and free milk service for a year.

2007 – Sony BMG sends a letter to country radio stations ordering them to stop playing the version of Tracy Lawrence’s “Find Out Who Your Friends Are” that features Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw, showing a clear prejudice against friendship. Or AutoTune.

2005 – Miranda Lambert collapses after singing “You’re the Reason God Made Oklahoma” with (not-yet-boyfriend) Blake Shelton on “CMT 100 Greatest Duets.” She’s taken to a local hospital, suffering from dehydration and mullet poisoning.

2005 – “Grand ___ Opry” is the clue for 6-down in the “TV Guide” crossword puzzle. Chuck Wicks very cleverly squeezes “country” into three boxes.

2004 – In an ongoing grudge match with Mindy McCready for the title of Most Troubled ’90s Country Star, Doug Supernaw is arrested for the third time in a week and returned to the Potter County jail in Texas.

2002 – Ladies’ man Kenny Rogers makes his Grand Ole Opry debut. Audience response goes sour when he concludes the sweet “Buy Me a Rose” by remarking that he’d also accept a Daisy, Esmeralda, or Faith.

2000 – Lyric Street releases Rascal Flatts’ self-titled debut album. No joke necessary.

1999 – Tim McGraw cuts short a Michigan concert after a woman in the crowd accidentally hits him with pepper spray. For the next three years, he performs in full riot gear.

1996 – Kenny Chesney makes his Grand Ole Opry debut. He’s misidentified by the announcer as “Larry Chesney,” the alias he uses when frequenting certain gentlemen’s clubs about town.

1996 – A fan discovers the hotel where Billy Ray Cyrus is staying in Georgia. When he checks out, she requests his room before the maids can clean it, then steals his sheets. That fan? Holly in East Tennessee.

1993 – The U.S. Postal Service unveils a commemorative Hank Williams stamp at Fan Fair. Hank III is unimpressed, demanding that his grandfather be named as Postmaster General.

1992 – Martina McBride begins her first major concert tour, opening for Ozzy Osbourne in Colorado.

1982 – Conway Twitty opens Twitty City to the general public. The cost of admission is $5, though most entrants take advantage of the offer to watch Conway give himself a perm for $10 more.

1981 – John Denver’s Greatest Hits, Volume 2 is certified platinum. A disheveled Charlie Rich appears out of nowhere to set it afire.

1979 – Jimmy James ends a Fan Fair performance he hopes will get him into “The Guinness Book Of World Records,” playing country music for more than 25 hours straight. His concert includes 336 songs, yet still somehow feels shorter than an abbreviated set by Love & Theft 30 years later.

1974 – Singer-songwriter Matthew Shafer born in Mount Clemens, Michigan. Using the stage name Uncle Kracker, he saves country music in 2010.

1965 – Former rocker Conway Twitty records “Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Hair” in an afternoon session at the Columbia Studios in Nashville. It becomes his first song to appear on the country chart.

1957 – Don Gibson writes two country classics, “I Can’t Stop Loving You” and “Oh Lonesome Me,” in one afternoon at his home in an East Tennessee trailer park. By himself. Without sixty cowriters.

1941 – Bob Wills is divorced for the fifth time, from teenage Mary Louise Wills, who accuses him of being “non-communicative, sullen, and irritable.” In other words, a musician.

1896 – Guglielmo Marconi receives a U.S. patent for his invention, the radio, a charming technology put to nefarious ends with Uncle Kracker’s 2010 entry into country music.

2004 – Warner Bros. releases Big & Rich’s debut album, Horse Of A Different Color, as part of its pro-leprechaun initiative.

2003 – The Dixie Chicks appear sans clothing on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, fulfilling nobody’s lifelong dream of seeing Natalie Maines naked.

2003 – Josh Gracin sings a pair of Bee Gees hits, “Jive Talkin’” and “To Love Somebody,” on American Idol. This sends country labels racing to sign him.

2000 – In a sure sign of Armageddon, Lonestar’s “Amazed” wins Single and Song of the Year at the 35th Academy of Country Music Awards.

1999 – RCA releases the Alabama and ‘N Sync collaboration “God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You.”

1998 – Atlantic releases John Michael Montgomery’s Leave a Mark album, which does just that. j/k

1994 – NBC presents “This Is Garth Brooks, Too!,” the singer’s second special. Next is “Garth Brooks Again,” followed by “Have You Had Enough of Garth Brooks Yet?!,” then “Garth Brooks Retires… Maybe”

1993 – People magazine tacitly endorses mullets by including Billy Ray Cyrus alongside Whitney Houston, Troy Aikman, Tom Cruise and John F. Kennedy Jr. on its list of the 50 Most Beautiful People.

1992 – People magazine names Alan Jackson among its 50 Most Beautiful People. “Aw shucks,” says Jackson.

1991 – Conway Twitty opens his home to fans in the Twitty City tour package, but one room – the Palace of Pastel Pleasures – is accessible only to honeys hand-selected by the Twitster himself.

1985 – MCA releases Easton Corbin’s George Strait’s “The Fireman.”

1981 – George Jones wins Top Male Vocalist and Single and Song of the Year honors (for “He Stopped Loving Her Today”) at the 16th Academy Of Country Music Awards. Jones’ plasticized hairdo is undisturbed by the series of front flips he does on his multiple trips to the stage.

1977 – Eric Church born in Granite Falls, North Carolina. His birth sort of rubbed some people the wrong way, but he did it his way and didn’t give a rip what anyone else thought.

1974 – “The Best Of The Best Of Merle Haggard” is certified gold, before being bested by “The Bester Best of Merle Haggard” the following year.

1974 – Playboy playmate Tiffany Fallon born in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. In 2006, she makes Rascal Flatts’ Joe Don Fallon – previously Rooney – a very happy blow-dried facsimile of a man.

1969 – Johnny Cash and Hank Williams Jr. gross $93,000, drawing 23,000 ticket-buyers for two shows at Detroit’s Cobo Arena. It is recognized as the highest gross in history for a country show in one day at the time. Forty years later, Taylor Swift laughs maniacally upon reading this.

1967 – Tim McGraw born in Delhi, Louisiana. Doctors have the foresight to autotune his birth cry.

1959 – Randy Traywick born in Monroe, North Carolina. At birth, his head is roughly round in shape.

1942 – Porter Wagoner graduates from the eighth grade in West Plains, Missouri, then spends the rest of his life singing songs about how girls in middle school were mean to him.

1933 – Willie Nelson emerges from the womb in plumes of smoke in Abbott, Texas.

2008 – Rascal Flatts postpones a concert at the Nutter Center in Dayton, Ohio. Not very interesting, I’ll admit, but I’ll never pass up an opportunity to include ‘Rascal Flatts’ and ‘nutter’ in the same sentence.

2007 – Troy Gentry is sentenced to three months probation and a $15,000 fine for improperly tagging a captive bear he killed in October 2004. Also, he’s not allowed to visit any zoos or marine parks.

2005 – Less than 12 hours after attending a memorial service for songwriter Merle Kilgore, Kid Rock is arrested for assault after punching a disc jockey in the face at a strip club. Way to keep it classy, Bob.

2005 – Gretchen Wilson’s Here For The Party album is certified quadruple-platinum, ensuring Wilson’s chart dominance for years to c… oh, nevermind.

2001 – Andy Griggs and bandmate Kevin Weaver are arrested for grand theft auto after driving one block in an ambulance they found parked in front of their hotel. Boy, we’re really lowering the bar for outlaw here, aren’t we?

2000 – Lonely Grill brings Lonestar its first double-platinum album, giving C.M. conniption fits.

1999 – Arista releases Brad Paisley’s debut single, “Who Needs Pictures.” The Professional Photographers of America nonprofit boycotts Paisley, calling the song’s title “reprehensible” and “socially irresponsible.” As a result, all the promo shots in Paisley’s first liner notes are Polaroids taken by Frank Rogers.

1996 – Billy Dean, playing a plumber on an episode of ABC’s hit Superman drama Lois & Clark, becomes the latest in a long line of country stars to pretend-fight with Dean Cain.

1994 – Pat Boone knocks his toupee off while doing a rope trick on TNN’s Crook & Chase. In 2007, Carrie Underwood suffers similar embarrassment while hula hooping on CMT’s Top 20 Countdown.

1990 – David Allan Coe cuts short a show at the Flood Zone, in Richmond, Virginia, after a drunken audience member vomits on his keyboard-playing wife. Sheesh, no need to get all sensitive, Dave.

1990 – Alan Jackson sets off on the first major concert tour of his career, opening for Clint Black in Belton, Texas. Backstage, headliner Black advises Jackson that the country audience never, ever tires of smirky, self-written wordplay songs, so he should pursue that direction for maximum career longevity.

1978 – Columbia releases Johnny Duncan’s “She Can Put Her Shoes Under My Bed (Anytime).” Not quite as romantic as giving her the go-ahead to eat crackers in your bed, but pretty close.

1976 – Johnny Cash breaks his ankle while experimenting with a metal detector in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Seeking to keep up appearances of a particular, written-in-the-stars synchronicity between them, wife June Carter throws herself into a ditch, intentionally injuring her own ankle less than two hours later.

1975 – Live album An Evening With John Denver is certified gold, prompting drunken Charlie Rich to set it on fire.

1973 – In Las Vegas, four assailants rush Elvis Presley on stage. He knocks one back into the audience with a karate kick, while his band and security team subdue the others. Presley believes the assailants to be henchmen hired by Mike Stone, Priscilla’s boyfriend at the time. Beat that with your concert theatrics, T-Swift.

1972 – Ray Price records “The Lonesomest Lonesome,” which probably would have been more popular had it been just a smidge lonesomer.

1964 – Decca releases the album Bill Anderson Sings. Its title proves to be a gross overstatement.

1963 – Ray Price records the Willie Nelson-written “Night Life” in a midnight session at Nashville’s Columbia Recording Studios. This explains why he looks so sleepy on the album cover.

1955 – The Wilburn Brothers record “I Wanna Wanna Wanna” – curiously, not written by Mel Tillis.

1949 – Columbia releases Little Jimmy Dickens’ double-sided hit, “Take An Old Cold ‘Tater (And Wait)” backed by “Pennies For Papa.” Kellie Pickler reprises the former, releasing it as a single in 2011.

1921 – Steel guitarist Les “Carrot Top” Anderson born in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. His improbable mix of crack musicianship and over-the-top prop comedy leads to stints with Tex Ritter and steroids.

1878 – Thomas Edison receives a patent for his invention, the phonograph, which somehow leads to the rise of Gloriana 131 years later.

2003 – The Home album goes quadruple-platinum for The Dixie Chicks, prompting an overwhelmed Natalie Maines to start brainstorming ways of sabotaging its success.

2002 – The first episode of CMT Crossroads airs, pairing Lucinda Williams and Elvis Costello. A nationwide chorus of Toby Keith fans wonders aloud, “Who and who?!”

2001 – O Brother, Where Art Thou? hits movie theaters across the U.S., leading to a resurgence of interest in former Batmans pretending to sing like Dan Tyminski.

2001 - Featured at inaugural celebrations for George W. Bush in Washington, D.C.: Lorrie Morgan, Sammy Kershaw, Lee Ann Womack and Brooks & Dunn, who sing “Only In America” and “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?”

1999 - Alan Jackson hits the top of the charts with “Right On the Money,” his first and last recording of a Phil Vassar song. Unless this rumor I’m hearing about “Bobbi With an I” is true.

1991 - Johnny Paycheck is released from an Ohio prison after serving two years for a December 1985 shooting. Although he was originally sentenced to seven years, officials saw no harm in granting early release to the singer of innocuous ditties like “If I’m Gonna Sink (I Might As Well Go to the Bottom)” and “(Pardon Me) I’ve Got Someone to Kill.”

1976 - Glen Campbell and Rhinestone Cowboy net four Grammy nominations, including Record of the Year and Best Use of Strings That Will Seem Impossibly Kitschy Within a Few Years.

1974 - Tom T. Hall tops the Billboard country singles chart with a list song called “I Love.” A whole generation of soon-to-be Nashville songwriters takes note.

1971 - Bob Ritchie, better known as rap-rocker Kid Rock, born in Dearborn, Michigan. Upon getting him cleaned up, nurses are surprised to discover that he’s still dirty.

1968 - Johnny Cash records At Folsom Prison in California with his usual entourage of June Carter, The Carter Family, Carl Perkins, The Statler Brothers, and the entire cast of CBS’ My Three Sons.

1955 - Steve Earle born at the Army hospital in Fort Monroe, Virginia. Ironic!

1946 - Dolly Parton born in Sevier County, Tennessee. She goes on to write a few songs and stuff before finding her true calling as an inspiration to legendary singer Kellie Pickler (cf. Elvis, Celine Dion).

1939 - William Lee Golden born in Brewton, Alabama. The proud mother and father rush to take baby pictures before his beard fills out. It’s a goatee by the time they leave the hospital.

1926 - Ray Price born in Perryville, Texas, then swaddled in a Gloriana t-shirt.

1910 - A prophet predicts the arrival of Lady Antebellum’s “American Honey” one century hence.

1595 - William Shakespeare works diligently on the first draft of Taylor Swift’s “Love Story.”

2006 – Heidi Newfield gives her final performances as a member of Highway 101 Pony at the Wildhorse Saloon.

2005 – A gay cowboy movie takes the world by storm. And by gay cowboy movie, I mean the music video for Jason Aldean’s “Hicktown.” Ba-dum-bum.

2005 – Carrie Underwood’s Some Hearts is certified gold and platinum, proving that it’s a good album.

2002 – Toby Keith makes his Grand Ole Opry debut… nine years after the release of his debut album. Pretty sure they don’t like you, big guy.

1989 – Taylor Swift born in Reading, Pennsylvania. Publishes first Myspace blog later that day.

1988 – George Strait takes his remake of Faron Young’s “If You Ain’t Lovin’ (You Ain’t Livin’)” to the top of the charts, singlehandedly reviving the phrase “coochie coo.”

1983 – Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton earn a platinum single for “Islands In The Stream,” an enormously popular bit of ’80s kitsch that, uh,…
Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

1972 – %*#)@! Shelton Hank Williams, aka Hank III, is born.

1963 – At age 14, Hank Williams Jr. has his first recording session. Tracks include “You Win Again,” “Your Cheatin’ Heart,” “Cold, Cold Heart,” “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” and “Mom, I’m Not Dad,” with the latter being interpreted by some historians as a veiled message to Audrey.

1959 – Marty Raybon born in Greenville, Alabama. Primed as the heir to his family’s thriving Ray-Bon knockoff sunglasses empire, he gives all that up to become the lead singer of popular country group Shenandoah.

1957 – While still technically married to his second wife, Jerry Lee Lewis secretly weds his third – Myra Brown, his 13-year-old cousin. To his credit, though, Lewis never insisted on anyone calling him LeVox.

1949 – Randy Owen born scowling in Fort Payne, Alabama.

1932 – Charlie Rich born in Forrest City, Arkansas. Immediately sets fire to another kid’s birth certificate.

1902 – Nudie Cohn born in Kiev, Ukraine. He turns heads early on with his rhinestone-studded onesies.

2004 – Sugarland performs “Baby Girl” during its Grand Ole Opry debut. Backstage after the performance, Kristian Bush comments on what a huge honor this must be for the Opry.

2003 – Travis Tritt undergoes surgery for a torn rotator cuff after overextending his arm while tossing a quarter. Doctors also caution him about the dangers of “smiling and dialing.”

2001 - O Brother, Where Are Thou? wins Album of the Year and The Soggy Bottom Boys’ “I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow” takes Single during the 35th annual CMA Awards. Eight years later, these categories go to Taylor Swift’s Fearless and Lady Antebellum’s “I Run to You,” respectively. Wow, maybe this is the end of western civilization.

1999 – Garth Brooks hosts an episode of Saturday Night Live featuring musical guest Chris Gaines, whose earnest performance is mistaken for a skit.

1996 – Deana Carter takes home a gold plaque for her debut album, Did I Sell My Soul For This?

1992 - Billy Ray Cyrus becomes the first country artist to ship 5 million copies of his debut album; weeks later, Miley is born. Ever stop to think that Hannah Montana was raised on “Achy Breaky” money?

1990 – The Internal Revenue Service seizes the property of Willie Nelson in six states, then issues a PSA debunking the tooth fairy myth and sends agents into the streets with cauldrons to boil litters of puppies.

1983 – Miranda Lambert born in Lindale, Texas. No jokes about Miranda. She’s dangerous.

1978 – United Artists releases Kenny Rogers’ The Gambler album, featuring the title track and “She Believes In Me” and nine other songs that nobody remembers.

1977 – Riders In The Sky is formed in the parking lot of a Nashville club, Phranks & Steins. Decades later, new-country trio Love & Theft is formed at the Abercrombie & Fitch now standing at the same site.

1977 – Bucky Covington is born in Rockingham, NC, while twin brother Rocky is born in Buckingham Palace.

1975 – Reba McEntire signs her first record deal with mercury. There weren’t any pens handy, so she had to break a thermometer. (Oops, should be Mercury. That capital makes all the difference.)

1968 – Chris Cagle is born in De Ridder, Louisiana. Doctors call it a pale imitation of Tracy Lawrence’s birth months earlier. (I hope I’m not the only one who hears this?)

1962 – Foreseeing the need for a Choice Hotels jingle circa 2005, Hank Snow takes “I’ve Been Everywhere” to the top of the charts. Johnny Cash pays attention.

1951 – Hank Williams makes his first national TV appearance, performing “Hey Good Lookin’” on The Perry Como Show. They only show him from the waist up, fearing his slight knee bounces might be too provocative.

1949 - Yvonne Vaughn born in Mount Airy, North Carolina. As Donna Fargo, she scores back-to-back million-sellers with “The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A.” and “Funny Face” during the ’70s. She’s considerably less chipper by 2008, issuing rambly topical song “We Can Do Better in America” (link) after a decades-long silence.

1949 – Red Foley records “Chattanoogie Shoe Shine Boy,” “I Gotta Have My Baby Back,” and “Sara Smile” (feat. Roy Acuff and Minnie Pearl) at Castle Studio in the Tulane Hotel.

1938 – A boy named Narvel (Felts) is born near Kaiser, Arkansas. To everyone’s disappointment, he never works up the courage to track down his runaway father and beat an explanation out of him.*

* Legend has it that upon hearing his name for the first time, my Grandma quipped: “Narvel felts WHAT?”

2007 – Rounder releases Raising Sand under the given names of Alison Krauss and Robert Plant, having finally decided against the somewhat awkward duo name of Led Kraussplant (rhymes with dead houseplant).

2006 – Big Machine releases Taylor Swift’s self-titled debut album. It does pretty well.

2002 – Ralph Stanley’s music video for “Girl From Greenbriar Shore” debuts on CMT, but is pulled three days later due to viewer complaints over excessive nudity.

2000 – Virgin releases Play It Loud, the debut album from Chris Cagle, then wisely shuts down its Nashville branch the following year. But not before inflicting Clay Davidson on the world.

1999 – The Dixie Chicks’ Wide Open Spaces is certified for shipment of 8 million units. To put that number in perspective, if you stacked all the jewel cases, you’d end up with a pile over 49 miles high. And if you put Natalie Maines atop the pile, you’d barely be able to hear her shrill voice from ground level.

1996 – Time Marches On goes platinum for Tracy Lawrence. Then, in a remarkable instance of life imitating art, time marches on: it proves to be his last platinum album.

1992 – Pure Country premieres in Nashville with Strait, Garth Brooks, Joe Diffie and Randy Travis in attendance. Halfway into the movie, Strait stops the show to confront Diffie, who has been chatting with his neighbor through the whole thing. The altercation ends with Strait telling Diffie, “Go on, get your ass outta here.” Diffie leaves the show early and goes home to write a novelty song about the incident.

1990 – Tim McGraw makes a pact signs a deal with Curb Records.

1980 – Josh Gracin born in Michigan. Rising to prominence on American Idol, he goes on to score country hits like “Nothin’ to Lose (Ann Marie),” “We Weren’t Crazy (Ann Marie)” and “Stay With Me (Brass Bed/Ann Marie).”

1980 – Don Williams’ “I Believe In You” settles into the top spot on Billboard’s country singles chart, while also claiming the top spot on Billboard’s short-lived Gentle Beardyness chart.

1972 – Jimmy Wayne Barber born in Cleveland County, North Carolina. He goes on to score a number of hits in the 2000s under the name Chuck Wicks.

1965 – In a ceremony at the Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Ernest Tubb is named to the Country Music Hall Of Fame. In a brief speech, he thanks them… a lot. (Sorry about this one.)

1958 – Brenda Lee records “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree” at the Bradley Film & Recording Studio in Nashville. Also recorded that day was the much less popular “Schleppin’ Around the Menorah.”

1958 – Alan Jackson born in Newnan, Georgia. The delivery is by most accounts an extraordinarily majestic one, though Jackson himself modestly remarks that it “weren’t nothing.”

1956 – Dwight Yoakam born in Pikeville, Kentucky. He shows an early affinity for tight pants and baldness.

1941 – Earl Thomas Conley allegedly born in Portsmouth, Ohio. Seems like a chicken and egg deal to me. How could anyone have conceived before the music of Earl Thomas Conley?

1939 – Bill Monroe auditions for the Grand Ole Opry at the WSM Radio studios in downtown Nashville, performing “Foggy Mountain Top,” “Mule Skinner Blues” and “I Got My Game On.”

2002 – Doug Supernaw is arrested outside a bar in Brenham, Texas, after fighting with five police officers. It’s the capper on a strange year that also saw him, by his own reports, “held hostage in Paris” in a “mentally retarded home for terrorists” for two weeks. (I don’t even have to falsify this one. A mentally retarded home?)

1999 – The Dixie Chicks win three trophies at the 33rd annual CMA Awards: Single of the Year, Music Video of the Year, and (Overly) Vocal Group of the Year.

1994 – In an effort to make Collin Raye seem manly, Asylum releases the self-titled debut album by Bryan White.

1993 – The Postal Service issues a series of stamps honoring five important country music acts: Hank Williams, The Carter Family, Patsy Cline, Bob Wills, and Boy Howdy. This last stamp proves to be a poor gamble when the group dissolves three years later.

1991 – Mark Chesnutt’s Too Cold At Home is certified gold, while his shirt is certified pink.

1989 – Clint Black’s debut album, Killin’ Time, is certified gold. A few years later, his insistence on recording only material from his own pen is certified tiresome and ill-advised.

1986 – ABC-TV’s Who’s The Boss? has its third season premiere, featuring a new version of theme song “Brand New Life” sung by Steve Wariner. Danza wanted to sing the song himself, but Wariner won the cage match.

1962 – Loretta Lynn joins the Grand Ole Opry at the age of 27. Future producer Jack White is -13.

1952 – Hank Williams records “Take These Chains From My Heart,” “Kaw-liga” and “Your Cheatin’ Heart” in his final recording session. Regrettably, the clock runs out before he gets a chance to tackle “Big Green Tractor.”

1934 – Royce Kendall, the older half of father-daughter duo The Kendalls, is born in St. Louis, Missouri. He grows up in a very musical home, full of highly suggestive family singalongs.

1925 – Down in the central Arizona town of Glendale, Marty Robbins is born. Little known fact: Had he been a girl, and a Mexican, his parents would have named him Feleena.