Upsetting expectations that her 2010 marriage to Canadian hockey star Mike Fisher would lead to a more mature fourth album dealing specifically in the joys and difficulties of young adulthood, Carrie Underwood announced today that her next disc, tentatively titled Canadian Heartsongs, will instead be all about her newfound allegiance to the Great White North.
Warned by some of her advisers that the move might alienate her American fans, Underwood reportedly expressed disdain for those “hosers” threatening to stilt her artistic and personal growth by refusing to evolve along with her. “At the end of the day, I am my own artist, eh,” the singer is quoted as saying.
Country California has exclusively learned the identities of the first several songs recorded for the collection:
“Won’t You Ride In My Little Blue Ski-Doo”
“Never Forsakin’ (My Round Bacon)”
“Don’t Forget to Remember Gretzky”
“Jesus Pass the Maple”
“My Own Kind of Toque” (Merle Haggard cover)
“I Always Get Canucky With You” (George Jones cover)
“I’m thrilled to be putting this music out for my fans. I think it will give them a window into my love affair with this great country called Canada, which it turns out is just north of the United States, and has been for some time. I couldn’t be more excited aboot sharing this part of my life with them,” said Underwood in the official statement delivered to Country California headquarters by a courier on mooseback.
Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.
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Underwood-Fisher Marriage Going “Well”
A freelance writer and humorist with an abiding love of country music, C.M. Wilcox's cutting, clear-eyed take on the genre has drawn the attention of Country Weekly, The Washington Post, and The Tennessean in the years since this site began. C.M. lives near Sacramento and can be reached by email at CMW (at) countrycalifornia.com.
I’d rather hear a Carrie Underwood album about Canada than most of the Texas artists (who usually have bad vocals) blathering on about how great their state is.
If the sang the phone book I am sure I would listen.
I agree with Doug :)
haha… That is hilarious….but you should probably let people know the entire article is fabricated!!!! People that are not die-hard Carrie fans might not realize you are joking…. pretty funny stuff though!!!
You don’t think the phrase ‘Fake News’ might tip them off?
Not to mention “Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.” which is at the bottom of the article?
For what it’s worth, moose-mounted couriers are 100% real.
I hear that Carrie has taken so seriously to being a “good Canadian” that she has changed her vegetarian ways! Her diet now consists almost entirely of Labatt’s beer, back bacon, and doughnuts! This requires a strenuous workout each to keep her weight under control, so she plays practice hockey with her husband.
When asked what she might do if the frigid winter temperatures affect her vocal chords, Carrie replied “I really want to try ice road trucking! That Lisa Kelly has already proven attractive, feminine women can do it just as well or better than all those ex-lumberjack types…”
I was wondering why I heard a recording of her singing “I told-ya-so, oh ya don’t-cha-know” earlier this week.
“I always get Canucky with you” made me laugh. Excellent!
This is awesome.
I guess this album is off now that Mike’s been sent to Nashville by the Canadian KGB to infiltrate country music. I’m sure that was the plan all along.
Apparently, those sneaky Canucks want him to become the male version of Shania Twain, further wearing down American morale and softening us up for the inevitable invasion.
The horror… the horror… as if Lady Antebellum winning Grammy awards over Zac Brown Band, Miranda Lambert, George Strait and Jamey Johnson weren’t enough of a kick to the groin of this once proud nation
I heard Mike’s already been seen dragging a guitar to amateur nights at several Nashville nightspots, singing wailful ballads about Kraft dinner (“Canadian Honey”), national health care (“My Runs From You”) and ice fishing (“Lookin’ for a Good Bite”) while trying to hide his face under a furry ushanka.
It’s like my alleged grandpa once said: You just can’t trust a person that can’t tell bacon from cheap cuts of ham.
This fake news about Carrie is not bad, but Taylor Swift writes all of her own fake news, so its much more genuine and heartfelt. She hardly ever even uses a co-writer for it.