Brantley Gilbert Fan to Graduate High School

  

Brantley Gilbert fan Nat Barksdale of Covington, Georgia, recently announced that he will graduate high school this spring, making him the first Gilbert fan to do so without the aid of post-dropout GED courses.

“My counselor says it looks like I’m going to scrape by in driver’s ed and welding class and finally graduate!” said an elated Nathaniel, who will gain his 22nd credit, making him graduation-ready after six years of studious classwork. “It’s been a struggle,” he admitted, “but thanks to a couple of tutors and Brantley Gilbert’s inspirational music, I’m going to throw that mortal board (sic) in the air this May!”

“It was dicey there for a while,” said Barksdale’s frazzled guidance counselor Renny Smith, “but we finally got him off crystal meth and got him to buckle down and it looks like he’ll be out of my hair for good!” She continued: “He’s a pretty good boy, but that arson conviction in 10th grade really set him back; I’m thankful he put his nose to the grindstone and is finishing on a high note.”

After an uncomfortably long parking lot kiss from his 8th grade girlfriend, Jeanette Cosby, Nat told us: “You don’t know how happy I was to hear the word ‘graduation.’ Me and Jeanny can finally get married this summer!” Cosby, in her second trimester of pregnancy, smiled and added: “Nat’s gonna start at the A/C coil factory in June and mama’s already got us a spot picked out for the trailer.”

Strains of Brantley Gilbert’s “You Don’t Know Her Like I Do” echoed through the low-riders and Bondo-colored economy cars as the couple danced a victory waltz. Barksdale’s ‘homeboys’ stood back against a cattle-guard gate smoking and gently applauding the success of their Affliction-tshirt-clad idol.

“We’re hitting up the Eric Church/Brantley Gilbert show in Orange Beach next month to celebrate!” exclaimed Barksdale, tipping back a Steel Reserve tallboy.

“Well, I’ve got to get back to Algebra 1 before I get counted tardy,” said the 20-year-old as he bid us adieu through the haze of Camel smoke.

At press time, Nat was expected to be granted a lifetime membership to the Brantley Gilbert Nation fan club for his unprecedented academic accomplishments.

Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music. Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.

Comments

  1. says

    Congrats to Nat. I hear they’re also burning a Jason Aldean effigy in celebration.

    Gotta love how you guys aren’t afraid to push the buttons of those Brantley Gilbert fans. Should we take bets on how many hate comments this post will get over the next few weeks? My guess is 90.

  2. Rick says

    Aha, I knew this was “Fake News” by the title alone! Now if you would have said “Junior High” it might have been far more believable…

  3. Aikou says

    Haven’t I said before that I love the fake news articles…well if I haven’t, I love the fake new articles especially ones BG and the like

    Now to place bets on when the army of rabid, obsessed Brantley Gilbert fans will arrive!

  4. Stephen H. says

    Since I can’t get Memegenerator to work for me, text will have to do for my post instead of a link to a picture:

    BRACE YOURSELVES
    (picture of Imminent Ned)
    THE BRANTLEY GILBERT FANS ARE COMING

  5. Trainwreck92 says

    Well u jst dont apreeshiate gud music Trailer, if tht is ur reel name. BG would totaly kick ur ass i bet u woudnt say this shit to his face. Just kidding, man. Brantley sucks but this article doesn’t.

  6. Shellbee says

    You’re all f***ing dumb as hell. Brantley is an amazing and talented artist. Who the hell took the time to do this? Get a life, and quit being a dumb*ss because you’re jealous. Idiots.

    • Aikou says

      You’re right I am jealous, geez thank you so much for giving me that epiphany, I’m am so grateful that you made me see the light and realize that I was jealous. Thank you so much Shellbee. I now know that Brantley Gilbert is the artist to listen too instead of Loretta Lynn, Terri Clark, and heck even Robert Downey Jr.

      Again thank you

      .

        • lyndsey says

          im with you on this Shellbee. I dont know whos dumb ASS came up with this but its retarded as SHIT! Brantley Gilbert has worked hard to get where he is today and has been through a lot as well. He is an AMAZING country singer and deserves ALL of what has been give to him. Rock on Brantley Gilbert and Go BG NATION!!!!

  7. ChurchsChicken says

    That’s exactly the level of intellectual discourse you would expect from a Brantley Gilbert fan!

  8. lyndsey says

    HOW ABOUT YOU ALL GO GET A F***ING D**N LIFE AND LEAVE bRANTLEY GILBERT ALONE. CLEARLY YOU LIKE HIM IF YOUR TALKING ABOUT HIM AND SPENDING TIME OUT OF YOUR WORTHLESS LIVES TO POST A COMMENT ABOUT HIM. ALL OF YALL ARE JUST SO DAMN JEALOUS! ROCK ON BRANTLEY!!!

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