Country California

The bruises visible on Blake Shelton’s arms and face in recent public appearances were the result of a particularly rough game of hoops with his road crew, reports the lanky Oklahoman singer, who is currently dating country-rock firecracker Miranda Lambert.

Asked to comment on the game that resulted in the singer’s injuries, roadie Travis Burns said: “Basketball? Is that what he said? We don’t play basketball. Blake spends a lot of time on his bus drinking and tweeting. Oh, and he visits Miranda, or she comes out on the road to visit him. But no, I don’t think any of us play basketball.”

Nursing a bruise roughly the shape of a rifle butt jammed into his abdomen, Shelton recalled the day of the game: “It had been a particularly rough day on the road, so we all decided to play some basketball to get some of our aggression out. I guess I had had too much to drink by the time we started, so I ended up getting walloped on pretty good. By the guys in my road crew, I mean. Of course, I wouldn’t get walloped on by a girl. You know how guys are when they get competitive.”

Shelton quickly added: “Miranda was out on tour at the time, so she wasn’t even here. She was on the road. This had nothing to do with her, obviously, but I’m sure she’ll be pissed when she finds out.”

“Ha, a little spitfire, that one.” He gulped hard.

The romance of Shelton, an incurable smartass known for poking fun at his own fans, and Lambert, a spunky hellraiser with a no-nonsense attitude, has held the country audience rapt since 2006. But again, Lambert was not present when Shelton sustained his strictly sports-related injuries.

Concept by Farce the Music