Big Kenny Reality Show Seeks New “Rich”

big kennyMedia giant Viacom has signed Kenny Alphin, self-proclaimed rock and roll farmboy and one half of groundbreaking country duo Big & Rich, to host his own CMT reality competition show in 2010. The show, tentatively titled Big and You, will follow the singer as he embarks on a nationwide search for a less douchey Rich to help him revive the duo act.

John Rich, who formerly held the position, is presumed dead, having not appeared in any police lineups or mug shots in the past several months. In his glory days, Rich hosted the CMT reality competition show Gone Country, which successfully turned D-list celebrities into D-list country singers through a combination of rural-themed challenges and insincere advice from country music’s own “cowboy Stevie Wonder.”

Big and You will be nothing like his late partner’s show, promised Alphin. “For one thing, we’re going to be focusing on regular people, not celebrities so forgotten that they might as well be regular people. For another, we’re not gonna put contestants through the wringer, abusing them toward what we think they should be. We’re gonna lift them up, inspiring them to raise their voices in song and make beautiful music, to let their God-given gift of vocalization become the fullest expression of their individuality! Can I get an amen, brothers and sisters?!”

Alphin then spontaneously burst into a clearly improvised song about the life-affirming power of green grass and sunshine, which took up the rest of the time allotted for our interview.

CMT board member Rudolph Hoffsberger thinks Big and You will be an important part of the channel’s 2010 programming schedule: “We were really excited when this idea came along. We feel it will be a perfect fit. Big Kenny is one of the most instantly recognizable characters in country music, bringing with him a large personality and a devoted following of fans. And CMT really, really hates having to play music videos, so putting together yet another disappointing reality show with a tangential relationship to country music was right up our alley.”

Added Hoffsberger: “It was either this or find some western-themed movie to replay day after day for months on end until the next season of The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search begins.”

Big and You is expected to premiere next spring.

Concept by Farce the Music

Comments

  1. Rick says

    I would love to see the reaction were Alison Bonaguro to read this! On the other hand she might not grasp it is “fake” news. Hmm…

    Not ALL of the reality shows on CMT were disappointing because they did re-air VH-1′s “Surviving Nugent” didn’t they?

    PS – Breaking News! CMT has also announced a companion reality series titled “Big Rich Brother”! Housemates will be locked into John Rich’s mansion and subjected to John’s continual harassment until only one remaining contestant has not fled the premises! Each week the contestant that begs the hardest to be set free from John’s house of egotistical horrors will be kicked out! CMT execs feel this will be a good counterpoint to Big Kenny’s “love everybody” approach to “Big And You”…

  2. says

    This is awesome! I especially love the CMT part and this quote:

    “Alphin then spontaneously burst into a clearly improvised song about the life-affirming power of green grass and sunshine, which took up the rest of the time allotted for our interview.”

    As I’m assuming that’s a riff off of The9513 interview where he pretty much did that a lot.:)

  3. ARodRocks says

    I agree with RIck’s post above (12/9 at 2:44) about Alison Bonaguro. Alison Bonaguro is an embarrassment, even by CMT’s already low standards.

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