A band with a sound that inspires utter indifference across genre lines and among all strata of society has settled on “Americana” as its classification of choice, according to a posting on the band website seen by virtually nobody. Having received equally chilly receptions at honky tonks, blues festivals, indie-rock clubs, folkie coffee houses, and veterans halls, the band members had long struggled to find the right words to describe their sound to those reluctantly cornered into hearing them speak of it. Sweeping his bangs out of his eyes, lead guitarist Jeff Bogatyryov explains: “That’s until [our rhythmically-impaired spoons player] Ollie heard about Americana, so we looked it up and saw that it’s applied to so many different things that there’s really no definition of it that covers everything it supposedly includes. So you can pretty much do whatever. Plus the name has a cool ring to it. When we found out the people there give you extra cred for being obscure and upsetting audience expectations all the time, it seemed like the perfect thing. We’ve been upsetting our audiences for years.” The band’s second EP is expected this summer, with recording to commence “as soon as [burnout bassist] Stu gets back from that thing with his girlfriend in Costa Rica.” Following a third Americana EP this fall, the band will launch a Kickstarter requesting the inexplicable sum of $60,000 for a full-length album to be recorded in one of their garages next year.
Find more satirical articles in the Fake News archive.