Jason Aldean Stabbed in Biker Bar Brawl

aldean brawl

Country singer Jason Aldean was seriously injured in an altercation at a Pensacola bar on Tuesday night. On a two-night break from his current tour, Aldean was blowing off a little steam when the fight occurred. "He zoomed up in... wide open, on his black Harley and parked in the handicap spot," said bar patron Ernest Bexley, who saw the whole thing go down. "He was looking for trouble from the word go. Didn't have nobody with him but a bad attitude." Bexley continued: "He stomped out a … [Read more...]

Hank III’s First Draft of New Monday Night Football Theme Deemed Inappropriate

hank iii

ESPN and NFL officials are beginning to regret asking Hank Williams III to pen and perform a new theme song for the stalwart Monday Night Football franchise. After deeming his first attempt "vulgar," "loud," "inappropriate" and "out of tune," MNF producers have asked Williams for a rewrite. "For the 2010-11 season, we wanted to reach a younger audience with a more rocking and contemporary theme song. Who better than the son of Bocephus, whose song 'Are You Ready for Some Football?' we've used … [Read more...]

Alan Jackson Seeks Embarrassing Dud for Next Album

alan jackson

As lead single "It's Just That Way" hits select radio stations, Alan Jackson has made an open call for a particular song type to fill out the track listing on his next studio album. "Well shucks," said the long tall Georgian, "we were doing a final listen through of all the tracks to determine the song order for the new record and noticed something strange. All the songs were devoid of awkward 'hip' phrases, bad near-rhymes, strange metaphors, dopey technology references and lines that would … [Read more...]

MuzikMafia Announces Cutbacks

cowboy troy

At a MuzikMafia Headquarters press conference Friday, Nashville music collective MuzikMafia announced moves to scale back operations in the short term due to the ongoing economic recession. Wiping a tear from his eye and clearing his throat, Mafia CPO (Chief Pimp of Operations) John Rich listed the names. "Cowboy Troy, Two Foot Fred and that chick who paints while people sing have been released from the MuzikMafia with a generous severance package. It's nothing personal, and we wish them the … [Read more...]

Axl Rose Recording Country Album


Spurred on by Gone Country rock-star pal Sebastian Bach, rock icon and lead singer of Guns n' Roses, Axl Rose, has begun work on an epic country album. In a nearly-coherent blog diatribe directed at some unnamed assailant in the Nashville press, Rose announced his plans in maniacally honest detail. Here is an excerpt from that post: "Despite this uneducated m*****-f*****'s baseless claims and slander against me, I will persevere and this album will see the light of the day in a few short … [Read more...]

Fake News Gets the Scoop on Keith Urban’s Stultifying New Single

Though he just sent the obligatory third single (which obligatorily features a performance video) from Defying Gravity to radio this past week, Fake News has received exclusive information about the first single from Keith Urban's forthcoming moderately anticipated seventh album. The mid-tempo pop-country anthem entitled "This Is a Pretty Good Song," cowritten by Urban and a songwriter whose name you'd recognize, showcases Keith's excellent, but getting less interesting, guitar skills and his … [Read more...]

Justin Moore Concert Cut Short

justin moore

At last month's Sturgis Bike Rally in Sturgis, SD, abridged-stature country singer Justin Moore was forced to leave the stage mid-concert due to the unruly crowd. Moore, who just celebrated his first #1 song with "Small Town USA," was unable to perform over the wave of raucous laughter which began halfway through his song "I Could Kick Your Ass," so he unceremoniously exited with several minutes left in his set. "I couldn't help it," snickered North Carolina motorcycle enthusiast Clyde … [Read more...]