Alan Jackson Seeks Embarrassing Dud for Next Album

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As lead single "It's Just That Way" hits select radio stations, Alan Jackson has made an open call for a particular song type to fill out the track listing on his next studio album. "Well shucks," said the long tall Georgian, "we were doing a final listen through of all the tracks to determine the song order for the new record and noticed something strange. All the songs were devoid of awkward 'hip' phrases, bad near-rhymes, strange metaphors, dopey technology references and lines that would … [Read more...]

MuzikMafia Announces Cutbacks

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At a MuzikMafia Headquarters press conference Friday, Nashville music collective MuzikMafia announced moves to scale back operations in the short term due to the ongoing economic recession. Wiping a tear from his eye and clearing his throat, Mafia CPO (Chief Pimp of Operations) John Rich listed the names. "Cowboy Troy, Two Foot Fred and that chick who paints while people sing have been released from the MuzikMafia with a generous severance package. It's nothing personal, and we wish them the … [Read more...]

Axl Rose Recording Country Album

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Spurred on by Gone Country rock-star pal Sebastian Bach, rock icon and lead singer of Guns n' Roses, Axl Rose, has begun work on an epic country album. In a nearly-coherent blog diatribe directed at some unnamed assailant in the Nashville press, Rose announced his plans in maniacally honest detail. Here is an excerpt from that post: "Despite this uneducated m*****-f*****'s baseless claims and slander against me, I will persevere and this album will see the light of the day in a few short … [Read more...]

Fake News Gets the Scoop on Keith Urban’s Stultifying New Single

Though he just sent the obligatory third single (which obligatorily features a performance video) from Defying Gravity to radio this past week, Fake News has received exclusive information about the first single from Keith Urban's forthcoming moderately anticipated seventh album. The mid-tempo pop-country anthem entitled "This Is a Pretty Good Song," cowritten by Urban and a songwriter whose name you'd recognize, showcases Keith's excellent, but getting less interesting, guitar skills and his … [Read more...]

Justin Moore Concert Cut Short

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At last month's Sturgis Bike Rally in Sturgis, SD, abridged-stature country singer Justin Moore was forced to leave the stage mid-concert due to the unruly crowd. Moore, who just celebrated his first #1 song with "Small Town USA," was unable to perform over the wave of raucous laughter which began halfway through his song "I Could Kick Your Ass," so he unceremoniously exited with several minutes left in his set. "I couldn't help it," snickered North Carolina motorcycle enthusiast Clyde … [Read more...]

David Letterman: Quarter Pounder with Cheese Is Absolute Perfection

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Late night talk show host David Letterman has high praise for the McDonald's Quarter Pounder with Cheese. During a recent taping of his show, Letterman excitedly offered his opinion that the tasty but fattening fast food burger - which features two ground beef patties, cheddar cheese, pickle, onions, mustard and ketchup - is surely one of the finest food products ever created. "This burger is absolute perfection," glowed Dave, patting his protruding belly as he watched Late Show staffers … [Read more...]

Song About Country Pride to Be Released

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Next Monday, country music fans will witness the historic release of a game-changing new single. The song, performed by an up-and-coming B-list male singer with a fondness for wearing white t-shirts, is rumored to employ the rarely used "listing" technique to promote the little-known personal preferences of non city-dwellers. A bevy of Nashville's most successful songwriters brought their staggering creative genius together to create this masterpiece during a recent writing session. "We … [Read more...]