Alan Jackson Seeks Embarrassing Dud for Next Album
As lead single “It’s Just That Way” hits select radio stations, Alan Jackson has made an open call for a particular song type to fill out the track listing on his next studio album.
“Well shucks,” said the long tall Georgian, “we were doing a final listen through of all the tracks to determine the song order for the new record and noticed something strange. All the songs were devoid of awkward ‘hip’ phrases, bad near-rhymes, strange metaphors, dopey technology references and lines that would sound corny or dated by next year. I grabbed Keith and told him, ‘Doggone man, we’ve gotta open up a slot!’ ”
To that end, Jackson has announced that single song submissions will be accepted through January 31, 2010 for a possible cut on his late spring release.
“I could write one myself, but I’m a little burned out on songs about not liking to wear sandals and I can’t think of any more not-that-clever ways to say I’m a simple man, so I wanted to invite fans and fellow writers to submit their own turds,” laughed Jackson. “I don’t know, maybe something about that Kenya West fella or something?”
The near-legendary traditionalist country singer has a stellar record of classic songs during his twenty year career, but has made sure to give a little something back to the undiscerning fan on every record.
“You know, Brad Paisley used to put a gospel song on every CD; it was his signature for a while. Well, my signature is one ill-advised, shockingly embarrassing cut per record,” explained Jackson, who named “www.memory,” “I Still Like Bologna,” and “that one about cornbread and chicken” as examples.
A notice posted to Jackson’s website offers the following topical suggestions for song entries: wearing a fanny pack, a knee infection, deer hunting as a contrived (PG rated) sexual metaphor, an Alan Jackson Droid app, affection for an old go-cart, weed-eating while drunk, and beef jerky.
Reported by “Trailer” Parkman of Farce the Music
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To that list of suggested song topics I would like to add: contracting a social disease, repentance by an elightened former Obamavoter, the use of snuff in a tender romantic way (no fair stealing Mike Snider’s “Snuff Dipper”!), actually using a tractor to plow the land, fruity mixed drinks with an umbrella in them, cleaning out a septic tank, being in a trailer in the midst of a tornado, chewing gum, igniting flatulence, a bonfire that starts a forest fire, an ode to Smokey Bear, driving like a moonshiner, skinny dippin with gators, and my personal favorite The Obamacare Blues….
This is the best fake news article I’ve ever read. Applause.
my sweet, naive husband thought this was real news. I had to point out it was fake!
Are we sure this isn’t real? Great edition, Trailer.
Although a small part of me likes “Where I Come From”… >_>